Hydnum rufescens

Sense proving, 23-9-2021, Zell, Jan Scholten.Prover 1Hiding, restoring himself, after a lot of work to regain his strength.
Doesn't want to do anything and doesn't want to meet anyone, doesn't want to talk, just wants to rest and lie by the sea.
Jerky on the swing, jerky movements as in Parkinson's.
Having done so much in the creative and scientific fields to be recognised, but it feels like it hasn't really worked out.
The idea of being nothing.
Ulcers.
Fungi.
Infarction, of heart or brain.
Woody dry tough.
Odour: odourless.
Jerky movements.
Where is my place.
Too open, no defence, can only hide and remain alone for defence.
It is like an old man who has difficulty thinking and all the memories are jumbled up without any connection, the connection is gone; needing something to calm down, for example a cigarette; being tired and not wanting to do anything because there is no point anyway.
Gray, dry, emotionless, depressed.
Vascular dementia.
Nausea, feeling jerky and not grounded.
Being gagged, as if the mushroom covered the mouth.
Juggler who wants to hold up all the balls, too many balls, until everything collapses.