Author: Jan Scholten
Essence: hesitation and doubt whether to show their creativity.
Doubt about their creativity
They have a great desire to show their creative talents but they haven’t got the courage. Sometimes they make a tentative start but they are soon overcome by doubts again: ‘Can I really create something beautiful?’ They keep hesitating. They are afraid to open an exhibition, to hold a speech, to show their acting abilities. Anything that needs an audience is put off, they don’t even know which of their works to exhibit.
At the same time they like to be special and different and they may resort to other, easier ways to stand out in a crowd, for instance by arriving much too late for a party or by wearing extraordinary clothes. Anything as long as it isn’t what everybody else is doing.
Unrealistic ideas about what they have to offer
They are not very realistic about their artistic or scientific talents. They are not very good at judging their own capacities and the possibilities that are available in the outside world. Their ideals to make the world a better place can sound very naive.
Art is an impossible task
They are inclined to to set their goals too high, to aim for something that is impossible to achieve, to create something that is absolutely perfect. But this also means that the task soon becomes a burden, and the mere thought of their plans makes them feel tired. Everything becomes a must and what used to be an enjoyable pastime now becomes a strain.
Another variation is that their ideas are by no means impossible but they don’t realise this themselves. They underestimate their talents and because they are unsure about what they can achieve they also don’t know whether to carry on or not. Nobody, themselves included, is quite sure if and how they should proceed.
Preparing the show
Because they are so hesitant about their performance they tend to make a big deal out of the preparations. They spend hours thinking things over and making a big fuss over trivialities. They are very likely to get stuck at this stage and never get any further than the preparations. The type of person who has to have their desk cleared, the studio tidied, everything perfectly arranged, but he stops short of the actual task in hand.
They postpone their performance because they don’t know their lines perfectly yet. They postpone the exhibition because they haven’t got a large enough collection yet. They can’t publish the result of their research because there are a few details they haven’t looked at yet. Everything has to be so perfect that they never get round to a realistic performance or product.
Evading their talents
They start something and soon give up again. Small obstacles on the way are seen as proof of their lack of talent.
Later on we’ll see that they start to evade their talent, they would rather not talk about it. They are tired of all that time they spent hesitating and trying this, trying that, and what have they achieved? Hardly a thing. They don’t see the point anymore and become quite apathetic. Daydreaming is a nice escape, lots of ideas about how successful they could have been. Partying is another way of diverting the mind, they want to laugh and talk and have a good time, as if they are celebrating their success after a fantastic performance.
They would really like to be the centre of attention, but they don’t really dare. And at the same time they feel hurt if they aren’t. They have difficulty accepting a compliment because they feel they haven’t done anything to deserve it. When they do get a compliment they tend to say something like: ‘Oh, it’s nothing’, or ‘He doesn’t know what real art looks like’ etc.
Their moods can be quite changeable, one moment full of energy to start something creative, the next moment they don’t want to do anything. They are easily enthused about an artistic project, but at the first obstacle they tend to lose their spirit. They want to be good at something but they lack the perseverance to make a go of it.
One of their characteristics is that they feel special, a little bit above the ordinary man. They have difficulty accepting authority or having to answer to a superior. They prefer to be their own boss, nobody who stands above them. They may refuse to do their military service to show that their ideas are stronger than the powers that be. They feel that they’ll risk losing their integrity when others have power over them.
They are also easily hurt and innocent remarks are likely to upset them very much. They get touchy and irritable especially when others don’t pay due respect to them. Criticism or failure is likely to leave its mark on them. They might never forget a trauma even if it happened years ago, for instance when they move up to a higher grade school and their results are suddenly mediocre instead of excellent, so they don’t get the admiration they used to receive.
In order to reduce their vulnerability they build up a shield of hardness or arrogance, pretending that nothing can touch them. But most of all they’ll try to remain one step ahead of any possible criticism. If their work is absolutely perfect nobody will be able to comment on it. They might also get jealous of the success of others. The whole issue of success is very difficult for them.
Through their lack of experience they are bound to make mistakes now and then and this immediately confirms their belief that they are incapable of success.
Their delusion could be described as the feeling that a nasty brute is waiting out there, ready to flatten them as soon as they choose to realise their ideals, because that sort of thing is not meant to be.
Tormented by ambition
They have great ambitions to be the best, to be special and different. Their desire for praise and compliments is also very big. In this respect they are very like Palladium. But Palladium will openly ask for it and gracefully receives the compliments that are bestowed on him or her. Niobium find it hard to receive compliments. Deep inside they feel that they deserve it, but they have nothing to show for it yet. Or they may feel that they don’t deserve any praise because they really feel worthless. In both cases they’ll brush off a compliment with a nervous little laugh.
In spite of this they still feel rather special and are keen to keep up a certain status. They often look down on the sort life that ordinary people tend to live, it is all a bit too vulgar to their taste. They are likely to come from a well to do family where they got the message to behave in an honourable fashion. They have to be dignified, as a woman, as an artist etc. But on the other hand they also got the message not to have any pretences. So they are torn between having to be honourable and dignified, and on the other hand not to have any pretences about what they can do and what they might achieve.
If we look at mythology we see that the chief complaint of the gods was that Niobe ascribed her luck to her own efforts -to her own ego- instead of thanking and honouring the gods. The gods punish her for her pride by killing all her sons. When she still carries on singing her own praises they also kill all her daughters.
Back to present day life: these people might also enjoy watching others who are not afraid to be the centre of attention.
Tormented because they don’t show their talents
They daren’t show their talents, partly because they are afraid of getting hurt if nobody recognises their excellence, and partly because if they are afraid of getting too proud if they do receive a lot of praise. These fears are the reason that they hide their wisdom, their creativity, their beauty, or their talents until they have forgotten how lucky they really are, until they believe that they have nothing to offer at all.
Alternating use of voice: stammering
The following voice problems may be part of their symptoms: hoarseness, stammering !!, < tension, > rest, > singing and shouting, > during interview, < after interviews, < discussions, < talking things over. Difficulties talking, < thick tongue. They have a feeling for languages.
Niobe, the story
In the story of Niobe, the queen of Thebe we can see several of the themes of Niobium. Niobe is haughty, wants to compete with the goddesses, which is in itself an impossible task. She is totally unrealistic about her talents. She prides herself on her wisdom and spiritual insights, qualities that belong to the Silver series. She is particularly proud of her seven sons and seven daughters, the theme of sexuality and creativity, also part of the Silver series, children being a special sort of creation. But Niobe is proud of having produced children all by herself, forgetting that nature plays an equally important part in this creation. An artist should be aware of a similar theme: where does his inspiration come from?
Another theme we find in Niobe’s story is that she doesn’t realise how happy she really was until everything was taken away from her. The result is that Niobe turns into a weeping stone, crying to the end of her days. The sadness is about the children who have died, the talents that never had a chance to be developed, or the pride that was too big.
The top sportsman who keeps hesitating
The sportsman keeps hesitating, should he concentrate on the 100 metres or the 400 metres? He never makes a choice, he never gets down to one particular speciality.
Fears: heights, narrow spaces, shows, performances, speeches, failure, ambition, pride, spiders, exams.
Dreams: heights, falling, musicals, competitions, exams, mistakes, not reaching what he wants, feeling nothing, having to achieve a lot, washing, laundry, pursued, water.
Irritability: < hurt and humiliation.
Mood: haughty, restless, hurried, busy, nervous, sadness, flat, dull, ‘frozen’, crying.
Mental: repetitive thoughts, cannot rid themselves of certain thoughts.
Sexual: quick orgasm.
Hobbies: all forms of art and science: music, guitar, dance, theatre, painting, weaving, literature, hypnosis.
Professions: artist, painter, writer, singer, musician, teacher, scientist, doctor, priest, bishop, shaman, vicar, governor, secretary, representative, advertising agent, public relations officer, top sports man, -woman.
Causes: disasters, hurt, humiliation.
Weather: cold, cold feet, < cold !!; < damp; ->> outside, wind; < draught.
Desires: spices, pepper !!, bitter, green peppers, radish (?).
Aversion: milk, chestnuts (?).
Sleep: sleepy, shocks on falling asleep.
Weakness. Bruised pains, itching.
Headache in forehead, temples and vertex.
Eye problems, disturbance in vision, inflammations.
Ear infections; tinnitus, deafness.
Colds, with watery coryza. Sore throats, tickling.
Voice problems: hoarseness, stammering !!, < tension, > rest, > singing and shouting, > during interview, < after interviews, < discussions, talking things over, difficulty speaking < thick tongue.
Lung complaints. Bronchitis, cough; pain in chest, left side of sternum, level with thoracic 4, < cough.
Abdominal pains with diarrhoea < exams.
Problems of genitalia, testes and ovaries.
Neck pains, tension, stiffness, < tension and exams, < cold and draught, > sleep, > rubbing, = position, = warm, pulling sensation.
Problems with arms.
Backache, sacral 1, legs swings outward on walking, < standing, walking slowly, > walking, lying on back with support under lower back.
Eczema on back of hand and foot, where the fingers start.
DD: Silver series, Stage 5.
DD Zirconium: is not hesitating about his newly found path, simply wants to make a start. Niobium has chosen which path he wants to take, but he doesn’t know how to go about it and which part to concentrate on.
DD Yttrium: doesn’t know whether he wants to carry on in the artistic field. One moment he thinks he will, the next moment he thinks he’ll do something completely different.
Niobium can also be very changeable but more in the sense that he can’t decide how to go about doing what he wants to do. He has piles of unfinished paintings, writings, etc., it is a mountain that never gets any smaller.