3-432.14.12
Case by Susanne Diez.
Woman, 40 years old, panic attacks.She describes her state:
For years, I have been plagued by paralysing, generalised anxieties that control me. I am restless. I cannot focus on things that have to be done, control and organise myself and others. I exceed my own limits, almost maniacally, sleep badly; I am exhausted, paralysed, blocked, can't find peace. I am not a happy mum.
My eating behaviour becomes uncontrolled or is extremely controlled, it is the same with sports. I compensate problems by eating, and then have anger towards myself. I am overprotective, overanxious and have the feeling that I am stuck, trapped, completely overloaded and often react aggressively or tearfully. I am then overcome by extreme insecurity. I am firmly convinced that I have to give 200%, to achieve 50%, and will still fail because I am not good enough. This affects almost all situations in the areas of family (partnership and raising children), friends, job and also my demands on myself.
I generally try to please everyone, to make everything as perfect as possible and ultimately fail because I set unrealistic standards. I suffer from an extreme weakness in decision-making. I neither know what I want, nor who I am, nor what I am doing here. My aspiration is to be loved, not to be a burden for others, so to manage everything on my own, and to justify my existence.
I can't get out of it, I'm struggling. Professionally and financially it's getting tight, I'm highly educated, but I can't get a job, I'm controlled by others. One day they'll realise that I can't do all that. I'm ashamed of my unemployment, of all this failure... I can't live up to an expectation that isn't mine - but at the same time I don't have an idea of what I really want... I'm not grown up, I want to please the family even though they're all toxic... I don't want to banish them from my life altogether, but push them further away from me so that they don't define me (crying). Me and my siblings always had to function, love (money) was only given for academic achievement if at all... We always had to be the best, had to fulfil ideal images - but I always felt that I was wrong and asked myself: what do my parents want from me?... I was never right... Later my husband was also a "no-go" for them (he is a psychotherapist).
I can't believe that other people can be like me (maybe because I can't do it myself) and voluntarily want to spend their precious time with me. When they tell me what they like about me, or, when I am made to see what I have achieved, I wait for the people around me to find out that I am an impostor and they have fallen for me because I can't actually do anything. Successes mean nothing to me as soon as they happen. These feelings have been with me latently for as long as I can remember. … I feel so incredibly exhausted, drained, anxious and powerless that I don't know how things can ever get better. In crises, the situation gets worse. This was when my mother died, it worsened after the birth of my daughter and has become much worse due to my re-entry into the job market, and now the Corona crisis. The existential fear and threat of poverty has arisen. I realise that all these aspects prevent me from living a life that I consider beautiful and worth living - I no longer like to struggle. A few weeks ago I was asked what makes me happy or if there was an event or moment where I felt particularly fulfilled. I couldn't think of anything until now. …I want to offer my daughter the best conditions to grow up in a loving family where she can develop freely… I'm afraid I can't be the mother I'd like to be if I don't get my problems under control.
Father is a senior civil servant without graduation, mother an executive secretary: both parents always felt unworthy and wanted to acquire status. "There was always a discrepancy between being and appearing". The parents then wanted to set me up with a doctor, because "then you are somebody grand". The parents "always bragged about me, they had their status because I was always the best in school" - "but I'm not the daughter to brag about".
They demand that I should behave towards them as if the relationship is wonderful, I have to keep up so they don't have to be embarrassed for me. They want it to look like an ideal family.
The father lives in a "complete parallel world", already 1 week after the death of the mother he had a new girlfriend. I have done everything for my parents... but I am alone, have no home anymore, basic trust is missing... there is so much pressure of expectations. … A lot has died with my mother, the utopia of a family is dead with her - nothing comes from my father.
Now I just withdraw, isolate myself - everything is too much for me, I don't want to be a burden on anyone... it's a shambles... everyone is pulling at me... I feel overrun, I just want to lie down, eat something, digest.
Headache and neck pain. Clenching of the jaw at night in stressful situations.
Dry, itchy eyes. Tinnitus.
Since I started working as a teacher, I often have a sore throat (dry) and voice problems; heart palpitations; Long lasting bronchitis, lots of mucus production.
In psychologically demanding situations often latent nausea, loss of appetite. Then "hunger", probably emotional.
Frequent urinary tract infections in the past .
Menstruation very heavy, irregular cycles, pain in abdomen and back.
Inflammation of uterus and both fallopian tubes; since then frequent leucorrhoea, Pap III 2015.
Insulin-dependent gestational diabetes.
Breastfeeding problems (not enough milk).
Skin rashes since childhood. Redness, pimples, also large wheals, itching. Allergies as a child. Occasional warts.
Grandfather (paternal): pancreas carcinoma.Grandmother (paternal): severe dementia, diabetes.
Mother: gallstones, gestational diabetes, pancreas carcinoma.
Father: type 2 diabetes, narcissistic personality disorder.
Sister: Empty Sella Syndrome, severe accident with craniocerebral trauma.
Maternal: suicides in the family, breast and stomach cancers.
ProblemI know that I am well-educated and that I can do many things very good, but I think it is only a pretence, it destroys me, at some point they will realise that I can't really do all that (she can't fulfil the parents' expectations)...
I am ashamed of it, of my unemployment, of all this failure... it is very difficult to admit that it is like that...I cannot fulfil an expectation that is not mine (the idealised and unfulfillable expectations of the parents that help the parents to have a high social status) - but at the same time I have no picture of what my own aim is...
I don't think I am grown up, I want to please the family, even though they are all toxic (there is a bond of dependence on the parents) or dead... I don't want to banish them completely from my life, but push them so far away from me that they don't define me any longer…
AnalysisExtreme uncertainty.
Tries to please everyone, adapting, to make everything as perfect as possible and ultimately fail because setting unrealistic standards.
Extreme weakness in decision-making, externally determined.
“neither know what I wants, nor who I am, nor what I am doing here”.
She does everything (adapts totally) to be loved and to be recognised by her family - and to justify her existence through her actions (performing perfect). not to be a target for criticism or bullying, controlling everything.
Has to give 200% to achieve 50%... never good enough, small, weak …
I pick apart every situation for "mistakes" … ANCIENT PLANT .
I can't get out of it - professionally and financially it's getting tight.
I'm hard on myself … Equisetum.
WAY OF FINDING THE REMEDY:We just had triturated Equisetum and the issues were fresh in my mind.
Recurrent urinary tract infections.
Genital inflammations.
Stage post Pap III.
Family history of several carcinomas.Since I knew from the trituration that "shame" is a big topic of Equisetum, I asked her at the end of the case taking: "what's about shame?“
She looked down: "I am always ashamed of everything in my life. I am ashamed of myself because I am not the way I should be...
This confirmed Equisetum. It also fits to the symptom of shame that she did not express it spontaneously - she was also much ashamed of it.
Follow up after 4 weeks2 days after medication short panic attack with shortness of breath and having to run around, but was able to calm herself down. The trigger was that she had to apply for unemployment benefit and mistakenly wrote a wrong date on the application....
Then the restlessness subsided, also the digestion improved.
There were 3 dreams: *A close friend killed himself”.
*Mother watching her father living with his girlfriend”.
*She walks through a building at night where she sees people, but she can walk through them as if they were ghosts (she associated: The people in my family are "dead" or at least not "themselves", they are ghosts who only exist in the past) - this dream is her first lucid dream in her life. She tells that she had out-of-body experiences as a child. As she has just a more severe urinary tract infection and severe back pain: repetition of
Equisetum hyemale 1M.
Telephone 2 weeks later: Everything better. Period pains, old sensations in the pelvis are remembered, in the past there was often inflammation in the genital area. More energy; she is starting a new training, hopes to get a job day carer would like to deal with early language development!
Equisetum hyemale 1m 1x/month.
Follow up after 6 monthsDoing well! New symptoms are a prolonged menses and headaches (upward pressure in the back of the head, no modalities, head feels "like it's swollen"), which she is unfamiliar with and which now often last all day.
Warts (she used to have many, quite a few have been removed) - a large old wart that was scraped out a long time ago has not come back. Some other old symptoms have also started to reappear: cracked cuticles, metallic taste in the mouth, increased salivation.
During the summer, she was able to distance herself very well from her abusive father: "For the first time, I took care of my boundaries".
She was feeling much better, but on the other hand a completely new symptom had appeared with the rather intense headaches.
Equisetum arvense 1M
Follow up after 7 months
Shortly after
Equisetum arvense 1M the headache disappeared and after a very short initial reaction (tiredness) she felt "excellent" "I feel completely normal".
Follow up after 11 monthsShe repeated the remedy 2x when she noticed old patterns coming back. She is doing really well, she feels good. Since the beginning of the year she has a job.