655.47.17 Xylocarpus granatum, CaseWoman, 50, sciatica
She has pain in her left buttock extending to the back of her thigh, knee and further to the hollow of her foot. The pains are worse from rising and stretching the leg. It feels as if the fibres are torn apart.
She thinks it might have to do with her youth. She was often kicked on her buttocks by her father. That made her very angry and humiliated. She let it happen as she could not do anything about it. She felt powerless but later realised that her parents were powerless too. She became stiff, stopped breathing and thinking, feeling as if she was disappearing, becoming like a stone. Writing about it gave relief.
She was the one that had to take care of her parents’ problems as they could not handle their emotions.
Her mother was ill her whole life, lying on the couch with headaches, threatening suicide quite often. Her mother had a lot of fears, fear of being alone, screaming in her bed thinking she would become crazy. She became anxious and tried to help her mother by talking with her all the time since she was about 5. She talked for hours with her mother till she became quiet. Before 5 her mother threatened to put her and her brother in an orphanage. She threatened she would have an apoplexy when they did something that was not allowed. She has a fear and an aversion to becoming like her mother.
She had the feeling that she never could be herself. Her mother made fun of her as a baby. It caused her despair as there was no solution. Her younger brother had it easier as she was taking care of him and he was preferred over her. Her father was absent, working a lot. He could not handle his wife and accused the children when she had a headache. When her father was hospitalised with heart complaints her mother told her “you are successful now your father is in hospital”. Her father was easily irritated. She feels sad as there was never anything happy in the family. There is no limit to the madness and anger in her family.
She is enormously angry, especially before falling asleep.
Her grandmother was also depressed and frequently treated with electro-shock therapy. She also tried to cheer her grandmother up as she was very silent and fragile.
AnalysisSilver series: humiliated.
Phase 4: stiff, stone.
Subphase 7: madness and anger in her family; torn apart; disappearing; orphanage.
Stage 17: mad; despair.