Author: Jan Scholten
The central delusion is that of a child being in a strange, dangerous and frightening world. It is the theme of the Carbon series. They do not know where to go and survive, fear to lose what they have, to lose their last resources, be left with nothing. It makes them feel confused, lost, not knowing how to handle the world. They have a desire to retire into their small, safe world or house. They have a feeling of being powerless, not able to cope with the world. They can feel like a plaything of the elements, like a balloon in the wind.
Often their parents have been absent, emotionally or physically. They can have been orphans that had to survive on their own. It can also be the situation of weak parents that had to be protected and helped, so they take the position of the adult taking care of their parents. It is the world upside down. Or their parents are overprotective, insecure, getting into a symbiotic relationship with their children. This can be to avoid relationship with their spouse, to have sex and develop an adult relationship. Like children who want to sleep in their parents’ bed for protection and for splitting their parents. The parents can also make troubles, have quarrels and fights, so the children start making trouble to divert their parents from their marriage problem. Or they solve the problems for their parents, letting them be seemingly in control.
This behaviour can be continued later in life, in their profession, where they do all the work and others, for instance their boss gets the credit. They can look very cool, unmoved, unemotional in control but feel vulnerable, shocked. They can look like this because they have withdrawn from their emotions.
They have problems making relationships, although they want and need them eagerly. They often start relationships for protection, not as an adult sexual relationship. They marry an older person, a kind of parent. They have a fear to divorce when the marriage is not working out of a fear to stand on their own again. They often have a fear of intimacy, sex, touch, consolation. When they have contact they cannot stay with themselves, it is as if they merge with the other, losing themselves in contacts. They have a fear of having children, including the pregnancy and labour.
Often they have better contacts with animals than humans.
They can have pronounced feelings of not being good. They are like children who blame themselves when there is something wrong, when their parents quarrel, divorce, get sick and die, when they are punished and beaten, when they are abused at work or in sex. They get the feeling that it must be their fault otherwise God would not have let that happen. There must be something terribly wrong with them that all these bad things happen.
They do not know if they can be themselves.
They do not know if they will lose their family and parents if they are themselves.
Ego, person, personality, being.
Good and bad; ethics; fairy tales.
Body; health and disease; life and death.
Age: child, 0-12 years.
Naïve, childish, unreflective.
Survival, food, drink, sex.
Fear: monsters, dangers; ghosts; disease, dead, death; loss or divorce of parents, family.
Children, feeling lost and afraid, vulnerable and battered, lonely in the world.
Elderly having lost control, dementia.
Adults, borderline, having lost control.
Confusing others because their behaviour is opposite of what they want, what they say is opposite to what they intend.
Insensibility, stupor; stupefaction; unconscious, coma.
Love animals; they give love unconditionally.
Aversion: pregnancy, sex, children, relationships, marriage.
Discontented, displeased, dissatisfied, annoyed, with himself; no desire for anything.
Dull, confused, thinking difficult, forgetful, memory low.
Restless, extremely uncomfortable; tosses about, < labour, < movement.
Everything is turned upside down.
Feeling blocked, stagnated, narrowed.
Feeling nervous, hazy, foggy, mist.
Delusion: being bad, wrong, feeling guilty
Fear: leaving home; people, crowds; restaurant, shopping, theatre; airplane; marriage, divorce; pregnancy, labour.
Fear: disease, death; animals, crocodiles; ghosts; dark; alone.
Desire: floating, fluent, flow, clear, distinct, certain.
Sensation: cramping, spasm, contraction.
Sleep: profound; sleepy; drowsy, < morning, + heaviness.
Physical: - > to stretch, to keep oneself together, < after sleep, < morning.
Nervous: spasmodic nervous affections; epilepsy; paralysis; apoplexy; haemophilia; convulsions, < labour; numbness, left side.
Vertigo: faint, collapse, drowsy, low blood pressure, << parturition; heavy, unpleasant feeling.
Head: headache, stupid, dull.
Stomach: empty, hollow; burning; nausea < pregnancy, < riding.
Abdomen: empty, hollow, bloated; problems around solar plexus, umbilicus, navel.
Female: menses early, profuse, prolonged, bright red, irregular; ! infertility, miscarriage.