Author: Ai-Ling Su Makewell
Magnesium carbonicum oxydatum_Case 2
by Ail-Ling-su Makewell
Holly is a twenty-nine year old young woman. She came to see me not for any physical illness, but for the reason that she is in an emotional black hole and unable to pull herself out of it. Her boyfriend, whom she has been seeing for the past four years, has always put her last. Everything else in his life seems to be more important than she and only sees her when it suited him. She has never been introduced to his family, as if she is just not good enough or none existent.
Holly has a very mild and pleasant mannerism, friendly and she says that she is able to take constructive criticism. In between her sobs and whining about her boyfriend, I managed to ask the relevant questions. Holly tells me that she has trouble expressing her anger, doesn’t like confrontations, which is a big problem for her because she ends up bottling everything up. She feels that if she expresses her feelings of dis-pleasure, they (boyfriend or friends) would run away.
Her childhood was very unhappy, parents were in business together, but her father was an alcoholic and has always criticized her mother and was emotionally abusive toward her. Drinking is part of the culture where he came from. “Dad brought prostitutes home and was very violent. He abused me physically (beating), I was petrified of him and hid a lot of the times just to get away from him.” Holly goes on to say: “I had a lot of rage within me at 14 years of age, so I talked back to him and I hated him.” Her parents fought a great deal, once her father accidentally shot himself in the leg while playing with his gun, so the home environment was always tense, threatening and terrifying. During her teens the rage she felt toward her father makes Holly wanting just to hit him on the head and be over and done with.
As consequence of her very unsafe early life while growing up, there is a lot of emotional hurt and feeling very angry coupled with a victim mentality have led to a number of painful personal relationships. In addition to her father being violent toward the whole family, her mother used her as a punching bag and was emotionally volatile, instead of fear she fought her mother constantly with arguments. Her family is very divided; her mother took her and the sister and ran away from their father during her late teens, Holly and her sister have never really got along either.
She is feeling a lack of confidence in many areas of life, timid with people, scared of rocking the boat, so ends up keeping her mouth shut even when feeling unhappy about the situation. “I am feeling apprehensive about everything in life, wondering what would happen. My boyfriend causes me a lot of grief, never really took me out or acknowledged me in public. I am very self-conscious of how I behave in public.”
Her food desires includes Chocolates, chips, spicy food, some fish, salads, and potatoes. She is not a big meat eater. Menstruation irregular, heavy bleeding during the first three days, then, it lasts for seven days. It is quite heavy during the daytime. As a child, Holly was fearful of the dark, the night and dying.
At the moment, Holly looks after children though she loves them she also wants to be a make-up artist because of her interest in things beautiful. She is afraid of the same relationship pattern continues to repeat itself – not being valued or respected (carbonicum). Yet, at the same time, she cannot give her boyfriend up as unhappy as she is about the entire situation. “He just continues to use me when he feels like it. He is killing me, I just end up crying all the time when alone.” Holly is aware that the relationship with her boyfriend is toxic, but she cannot let it go.
This is a clear case of magnesium with the passive and aggressive polarity, the lack of confidence with an inability to assert self when faces unhappy situations with the tendency to run away from any kind of confrontations. The childhood home was a war zone and a battleground, which gives rise to fear of others abandoning her (whom she depends on for security and nurturing). The abuse from both parents constitutes a lot of her willingness to be emotionally abused by boyfriends. Her issue although, has a great deal to do with personal relationships (Su) the underlying one is about values and not being respected (her boyfriend would not acknowledge her in public). Also, the deeper issue was the abuse from her father (carbonicum) that made much more impact on Holly’s relationship pattern with men. Therefore, carbonicum is the combination together with oxydatum because of feeling of being used and childhood abuse.
Prescription: Magnesium-carbonicum-oxydatum 200C.
The immediate reaction from the remedy is the feeling of being very relaxed and sleepy – these are positive signs.
Holly had three more follow-up consultations; the remedy remains the same and increased from 200C to 1M. After the second dose of remedy, Magnesium-carbonicum-oxydatum 200C, Holly was feeling sad, couldn’t stop crying (for three weeks), then the change came. During these four months her dreams have changed. When Holly came in during the third visit (two months since the first visit), she told me: “Boyfriend is no longer an issue, I don’t care about what he does and got rid off him. I am living my life the way I want. I am feeling great, so much happier, focusing on myself more, and spending quality time with mum.”
During her fourth visit Holly tells me: “I can speak up for myself now – when a male colleague at work told me off in front of others, I felt humiliated - instead of getting angry, I pulled him aside and said very firmly: ‘your behaviour was not acceptable and told him why he shouldn’t have done that’. So I am able to stand up for myself now. I am also enrolled in a make-up artist course. It cost a fortune but I am worth it.”
The last time I saw Holly was just a few weeks ago, there were a couple of more incidences at work that required her to stand up for herself and be assertive without anger or aggression. Holly relates that “life changed dramatically, I bought a car, started the make-up course and define my boundaries with friends and colleagues. I don’t let them take advantage of me anymore. Relationship with mum is so much better – she respects me, and I am able to stand in my truth.”
That timid woman who complained, whinged, and sobbed about her boyfriend who doesn’t treat her properly was nowhere to be seen. Instead the person sitting in front of me, five months from the first time I saw her, is a different person. She is assertive with clear boundaries, the children she looks after at a day care centre love her – often showering her with cuddles and kisses. Moreover, she is happy, grounded and feels empowered.
Ai-Ling Su Makewell
Keywords: magnesium carbonicum oxydatum, element theory, polarity, evading confrontations, abuse, respect