Trituration proving to C3, 25-10-2019, Haltern am See, Britta Dähnrich, Monika Lang, Markus Kuntosch.
C 1/1Extremely unmanageable like Rumplestiltskin, sticky like lumpy dough, quite disgusting / revolting.
A very obstinate little child refusing to obey orders, independent, but sticking to you all the same. Not trodden on, autonomous, a born survivor.
Pulls your body to the ground. Don't know where this will end.
Hiding below ground from looming danger, too dangerous above, a tremendous power, squatting in an air raid shelter, in a cave. Trapped / buried, trying to attract attention by scratching the wall. Desperately needs to clean him/herself.
C1 / 2
Carry on fighting, going underground, short gun fight and into hiding again. Resistance. Many small flames spread to a large scale. They may be in power, but they will never find us. We hit and run. All those suffering fear and terror pin all their hopes on us. We must keep going.
Discouraged, weak, fear around belly button
Darkness, glimmer. At night in the trenches a soldier lights a cigarette. Shot by a sniper because the burning ash can be seen from a long distance.
Dry mouth, danger lurking everywhere, fear of being detected, bordering on insanity, hopeless. Afraid of shouting and giving yourself away, almost choking, a hangman's noose. Breathing only lightly for fear of giving yourself away. There's nothing to eat. You have to make do with lichen and mosses. You cannot make a fire as this will give you away. Heart beating, hooves pawing, getting tensed up for fear. Fear is absolutely horrible, but does not make me feel small.
Horses galloping, I am on the run. Rough track, I stumble, must carry on. It's extremely exhausting, strenuous, panting heavily. I am done in, but I have to keep on going. It' so strenuous, I come to a halt, stumble over trunks and branches in the forest. My legs feel weak, I am about to slump / to collapse, but I carry on. Are they still close? Trying to get away through the swamp. Am I moving in a circle? I am worn out, there is nothing I can do now, can't think clearly, I am numb. Breathing is difficult. Giving up now would be okay. Nobody around now. We haven't made it yet, still in the swamp; quite sure that we will make it ( never thought 7 minutes can take that long ). Sympathetic at first, but no, it's not that bad. I managed to lose my pursuers. Not me, but my parents, my ancestors experienced that, but it burdens me. Memories of my grandfather, who was a doctor, but unable to save his son's life,who died of a bullet lodged in his lung, hit by a strafer on his way back to boarding-school. The army had imposed a dusk-to-dawn curfew, but he had driven 200 km in the dark to be with him. Tightness in my chest. Feeling that my right lung has collapsed, breathing is getting difficult. For two weeks he tried to save his fatally ill niece, who was suffering from “Epidermolysis” and cancer of the oesophagus. His niece had chosen a picture of black shadows for her Whatsapp account. Shocked, thought she would die. Doctors thought it was a picture of a mushroom. Apocalyptic mood. After a severe accident, brother gave his parents a homemade skeleton, of which all bones were broken.
C1 / 4 + 5
Pain almost unbearable, exhausting. You can't do anything, keep going and wait. You can pray, but it does not really help. I won't accept God's will. No matter how dark it is, there's always a glimmer of hope. It's something great, your soul can't cope.
I can't swallow, my throat aches. It's almost killing me, but there's nothing you can do about it, you have got to submit to that pain.
Long-lasting grief, mourning. Deep respect. Resistance. You can kill me, I don’t care. Defiance, resistance. You can hurt me, but you cannot destroy me. I have to give in, I have to surrender (to sb ).
Oesophagus is sore, right shoulder aches all over, as if my lung was about to collapse and to expand. Larynx better, swallowing okay. Fear of imminent death has gone, subdued
Having walked through the dark for a long time, you see a faint glow in the distance. A light in the darkness. Hope of rescue, but you may not stop, you may not give up.
Sore feeling, like pneumonia. As if there was a bullet lodged in the lung in right shoulder. I'm stunned, exhausted, hand on right chest, still hurting. There's nothing more to do. Breathe quietly.
C1 / 6
Love flows over me. Lying, the Virgin Mary in my arms. Longing to fall asleep, to doze off. It's important that there is no more stress and strain. Relief, no more fighting. Left to the mercy of people, who don't know that there should be no more fighting. Have to take things in my own hands / do things on my own responsibility. Say “No”. Don't give up. A flame of life ( love of life ), make sure that the flame is never extinguished, no matter how dark and horrible it is. Superhuman power, divine spark: it's in everybody and it will carry you through whatever the ordeal.
2nd day ( no fire in the fireplace ) cuts logs, pieces of wood, dead branches like flames flickering C2 / 1
Grinded by time, like corn. In the hospital somebody is waiting, resigned Scorched earth after the forest fire. Single flames still flickering
Head is numb
Suddenly gripped by fear as if something was about to happen. Dona nobis pacem. Singing it before prayers begin. Hard times. Farewell office / practice
Throwing all negativity and fears into a dark crater. This crater can take it all. Getting rid of all that old rubbish. Old karma is a burden. Don't feel like cleaning up childhood rubbish. There are other ways / possibilities of dealing with that in transpersonal realms. “Now you know / understand what curing (jmdn heilen ) / recovery ( geheilt werden ) is.”
Yesterday Jan said, we are the compost for future generations providing them with fertile soil for a fresh start. Rise like a phoenix from the ashes. What's old must be destroyed for something new to begin. Pluto's regenerative powers ( trituration (?) is much easier today.) A sense of relief. The only ray / glimmer of hope. Something that gives you strength. You cannot fall any deeper than into the hands of God. ( “geht nur wenn die Mechanismen für einen Moment aufhören” Was um alles in der Welt wollen uns diese Worte sagen: I am at a loss und deswegen kein Übersetzungsversuch )
“I – Power “ of cancer patients. EGO, I am doing something extraordinary. I accept myself
wholeheartedly. There's no need to define that. Completely me. When cancer patients are asked to say “ I “ in a loud voice, it is often more like croaking. They simply can't.
(Trituration still difficult.)
Grip of death: grabs you by the scruff of your neck, death has got you, the more you fight back, the worse it becomes.
Expulsion is a topic. We have finished trituration (?)The mushroom is unbelievably powerful. The smallest ones even more than the big ones.
C2 / 3
Stick it out, don't judge anything, widen the range. ( would like to rub close to the brim, it's most powerful / biggest there ) - sorry, keine Ahnung, was gemeint ist!
An old, high, dark cathedral. At the front, on the left, a woman kneeling and praying for her sick husband, only a single candle glowing. Icy, chilly atmosphere, heavy, like a heavy burden. Nothing to warm you. The small burning candle is the only light in the darkness and the church is lit by it. Open up, visitors may come.
Feeling of pressure on my throat, chest pains ( sore ) as if somebody was grabbing hold of me. Hoarse voice. You can't do anything, cannot scream. There's nothing you can do about it. As if it was a red hot metal rod, I am fully conscious. I do not even dare to scream because of the pain. I feel tied up. Crushed. As if the disease was not enough. The rod burns my skin and bones right to the centre. Thinking of patients with bone cancer suffering extreme pain at night, as if bones were being burnt. The fire in the stove has gone out, the ashes scraped out so that a new fire can be lighted.
It's burning so terribly ( crying deeply shaken, quietly but breathing heavily ).
The scraping was completely destructive; everything needs to be clean and cleared up.
Support the suffering person. Only sympathy helps. Be there, support quietly. “Is this the last gasp?”
Triturating is monotonous now, but helps me calm down /steadies my nerves. Reminds me of what will happen.
As if somebody stabbed your chest with a red hot metal rod. Scorching pain; there's no protection against it. As if an abcess in the sternum was cauterized with me being fully conscious. People hold me down, don't know whether it's torture or whether you are branded for devilish reasons.
Feeling of”Durchgehen????” like somebody at your side who can only hold your hand. All hope is gone. Darkest night. You can only ask others to pray for you, because you are no longer able to do so.
Leans forward. Buries his face in his hands, crying. It hurts so much. It's no use rubbing around here.The pain stays on / remains. There's no relief. Rubbing his back, remembering horrendous grief and sorrow, and bows to it. It was cold, but the rub and human warmth have eased the pain, but it is still there.
C2 / 6
The darkest night ever. Like in the Thirty Years' War. Lansquenets assault / abuse peasants. I feel hot. War, raid, robbery, looting. You are done for. It's all over now, but you'll survive somehow. A small flickering flame, a ray of hope. You unwind a little (es fällt was ab??) You must stay and bear it. You need not help and cure. In the cold of these “cathedrals of medicine” a bit of human warmth makes all the difference.
Machines running: radiotherapy, Ufos, respirator.
Glad about a smile, you feel that you are human after all. Nurses in the intensive care unit who cry when patients die.
23 year old casualty. Saw how doctors removed all kinds of tubes and cannulas. There was nothing they could do to save him – quiet. The body is not the person, it's only somebody's mortal remains. Cannot weep, it's so outrageous to watch a central venous catheter being inserted into an old woman – against her will. A dying patient at ease, peaceful, promise of eternal life in heaven. She was not hungry, but took a small bite to please the male nurse.
A holy feast like giving birth. Point of no return. You have to let it happen. The “Überdimensionale”?? knows for sure. In theory we know everything about death, but it is completely different from what we know.
Lord of the Rings. Frodo returns the ring to Mount Doom, where it was forged, and throws it back into the fire. You must return to the root of all evil.
A feeling as if something is being dissolved around the navel. That's where our will is located.
Mantra: Om mahi saraswati namah om. Peace and quiet. Not even the flies bother us. A warm ray of light from head to navel.
C3 / 1There's a power brewing in the solar plexus ( Sonnengeflecht?), made of light. Like a being. Coming from the right side. The light seems to be catching up with me. In a trance. Deep silence. I am beginning to feel better; a light heart. What remains is the sadness between chest and navel. No words that want to be spoken. The being is talking to her, but she cannot understand. ( rubbing ?? is slow and gentle, wearing off ) The being says: Don't be afraid / fear not, I am with you,
Groaning / moaning, a tentative smile, but not quite relieved.
Like a guardian angel, the Archangel Michael, whose lance keeps the dragon on the ground ( subdues the dragon ). Powers move from the outside to the centre. ???
C3 / 2
Feeling completely empty. ( Weder das eine noch das andere??? was bedeutet das?? )
Time is a great healer. Wonderfully warm calm. Resign yourself to fate / Resignation. That was it. What remains of a person after death / after he has departed? All the moments when he touched / moved you. Can we speed up, accelerate the trituration? Half – life, (laughter).
Laughter has healing powers. Watching the film “Patch Adams”. Dressed up as an angel with a halo he visits an embittered patient suffering from pancreatic cancer, and begins to read out a number of synonyms for death / dying ( kick the bucket, check out, die a wretched death.. ) until the patient joins in, and they both start laughing.
We were in fits of laughter at the idea that the person doing the trituration has only two more minutes to live, and that will be the last thing he'll ever do. “Well now you can kick the bucket” ( der Wortwitz: abkratzen / schaben kommt hier natürlich nicht raus!! )
The other participants return, the room is filled with life again.
C3 / 3
The clock is ticking, all grief has gone, laughing makes it easier. Spirits are revived. Back to
normal. Life goes on, and this is a good thing.
Time is running out. We are not going to rush from the cemetery / graveyard. I'll follow at my own pace. Put that watch aside. Rituals like funerals are important.
C3 / 4
Funeral. Rituals are important. The proprieties have to be observed. Working concentratedly. (.
C3 / 5
An hourglass is like a fire in reverse. The burnt soil is reclaimed. Like night is followed by the day when at dawn the sun rises. It's like the earth stood still. A holy moment. Qiet / silence after somebody's dying / last breath. We are all quiet, listening to the scraping, not waiting for anything but totally absorbed.
C3 / 6
Peace reigns. I would like everybody to sing “ Dona nobis pacem”. The funeral feast helps us to get back to normal, to everyday life. The three of us sing “dona nobis pacem” in low voices.
Calocera viscosa Dwarf fire, goatee 7 -5.17.15Rumpelstielzchen, unruly child doing his thing, retains autonomy, survivalist; heaviness, imminent danger, grabs you by the chest, hide from an bombing attack, pursuit, underground, glimmer of hope, very far away a small light; soldier lighting a cigarette and being shot by a sniper; fear of being exposed, not even making fire in the woods such a fear, without food.
Grandfather, war on the run, with a child, got a lung shot, unbelievable pain burning, you can't do anything not even scream in pain, as if a red-hot iron is being shoved into you. Feeling of collapsing, feeling of the longest 7 minutes of my life, there is something so bad where you can't help, can't do anything about it, cancer, cancer of the larynx, cancer of the oesophagus, you can only breathe superficially from pain, bone cancer, - left lung burning, deeper and deeper, helplessness with it and terrible burning pain, the theme inherited from the ancestors; forest fire, scorched earth, pain scraping the bones, intensive care - the darkest night of the soul DD.
Thulium, confrontation with death - do not be fearful I am with you until the end of days.