Author: Jan Scholten
Essence: An uncertain and yielding type of person.
An uncertain kind of person
They are timid and uncertain about themselves, as if they are not allowed to be who they are.
They feel weak, helpless and inferior. They don’t know who they are and frequently ask themselves ‘Who am I? Am I being myself?’ They feel very vulnerable and are prone to panic attacks, like ‘I can’t do this !’
It feels unnatural for them to be themselves, their style is cramped and they don’t know how to act.
They have the same sort of difficulties when they have to make decisions: ‘Do I know what I really want ? Is this what I want?’
Dare not take their place
They have difficulty defining their own space too. The would rather evade a problem than face it. They feel they will be punished or criticised if they take a stand on anything. They even have problems walking up to someone to greet them or give them a hug.
Their indecision stems from their fear of offending other people. Taking responsibility might mean making mistakes and this they don’t dare. So they prefer to leave all the decisions to ‘the experts’. They need a father figure or a mentor, someone who wants to work with them and who can help them.
Uncertain about their self-worth
They usually feel inferior to other people, which is what makes them so uncertain. They think they are not up to the desired standards. Not only do they feel weak, they often feel they are also bad, especially if people ignore them and don’t take them into account.
Uncertain about values
They also feel uncertain about values in life. They haven’t developed their own set of values yet. They take a look around and pick up a bit here and a bit there, but all these bits remain unintegrated and don’t form a whole.
Powerless to stand up for his own values
So it becomes very difficult to stand up for their own values. Partly because they haven’t got any that they feel sure of, and partly because they find it difficult to stick up for what little they have worked out for themselves. They are afraid of stepping out of line, as they think that their parents or other authorities know much better what is good and what is bad.
Feeling observed and criticised
They quickly have the feeling that everyone is looking at them and this often grows into feeling criticised. The most innocent remarks are taken as criticism and they feel nobody understands them and therefore nobody likes them. They keep fretting over remarks made days ago. Their own desires and their own life don’t get a chance to mature because they spend so much time worrying over what others said about them. Every burst of enthusiasm is quickly stifled by minor criticism, every instinctive impulse to enjoy life gets squashed by their fear of their parents or other authority figures.
Real criticism is even harder to bear, and they simply don’t want to hear it. They start to defend themselves before they let it sink in what the other person is really saying. They make apologies before they have even heard half of what is being said to them. They answer as soon as someone starts to speak to them and they keep talking to avoid listening.
They are also afraid to give criticism because what you give you might also receive.
A passive and yielding type of person
To summarise their personality you could say that their strong point is the ability to go along with whatever somebody else says, to yield to other people’s wishes and to adapt to whatever the authorities decide. Anything rather than saying ‘no’. So they are easy going: they’ll go to great lengths to show their willingness, especially when they are being appreciated. As a therapist they’ll be masters at going with the flow and adapting to the other person’s initiative.
Their ability to adapt also gives them the right to exist. Through adapting themselves to the wishes of others and carrying out these wishes they make themselves indispensable. So their self-worth is derived from going along with the expectations of other people.
This means that they have very little idea what they need for themselves. They are inclined to say that they are happy to go along, it is all right as far as they are concerned. But deep down this isn’t true, deep down there is a feeling of apathy or depression. They don’t develop their own personality, because then they wouldn’t be able to adapt anymore and consequently they would lose their sense of self-worth which is based on helping other people in whatever way they desire.
Self protection by being unobtrusive
They may be ashamed of themselves and want to hide themselves and all the mistakes they think they are making. The best way to hide is to be unobtrusive, to stay in the background. So they come across as very subdued and unassuming type of people.
Their sense of self-worth is low and they criticise themselves all the time. Even though they are sensitive to criticism from others, they are even more harsh on themselves. They spend so much time and energy by constantly looking at how they are doing something and why they are doing it, that it paralyses all their actions. They might instinctively start to do something and then they suddenly realise ’Oh, I am doing something’, and then their evaluation process comes into action and all other activities grind to a halt.
Excluded from life
Because they don’t dare to lead their own life everything becomes unreal to them. It is as if they are standing on the outside. Life seems grey and meaningless. They have run away from reality to lead their own life as much as they can. They avoid contact with others out of fear of being rejected. Although their first meeting with someone usually goes quite well, it is at the second meeting that the brakes start to be applied and things come to a standstill.
A passive hero
The hero is present in his passive phase. The hero doesn’t have the courage to take on his task, he is too afraid that he will not be able to fulfil this task, it is too big for him. But at the same he is also afraid of his own powers. He senses that deep down there is an enormous vitality and power waiting to be released, but it feels too unreal and frightening to let go. He is afraid of all that freedom.
This state can be accompanied by a sense of magic, or perhaps superstition: ‘If I don’t adapt to every circumstance, the world will come to an unhappy end’. This delusion gives them a sense of power and self-worth: ‘If I don’t help her she will commit suicide’. This type of ‘magic’ thinking might even take the form of obsessive rituals, like only stepping on the white tiles on the floor, or only taking a certain route in the street.
An adaptive borderline: chameleon.
In an extreme situation this sort of behaviour develops into a psychiatric problem. The person becomes a chameleon, an ‘as if‘ personality. They are so extreme in their adaptation that nobody can see who they really are anymore.
A powerless child: helpless
They look powerless and helpless. They also feel powerless and this makes them very passive in their behaviour. They feel small and they dream that they are a little child again. There is also a feeling of having to be a sweet little child, otherwise they will be punished. They are usually not well developed sexually either. They imagine they are not attractive because their breasts or their genitalia aren’t well developed. They don’t feel very masculine or feminine either, they only feel that they are the little child. But this helplessness also serves a purpose because it brings out the protective feeling in others and so they hope that someone will support them and do all the work for them.
Fear: vague !!, unknown !, life, strangers, future, travelling, flying, crowds, streets, failure, disease, operations, cancer, death.
Mood: timid, uncertain, indecisive, loud laughter, -> support, listless, meaningless, gloomy, suicidal.
Mental: confused, slow, orientation problems, lack of concentration, forgetful, dementia.
Religious: magic, obsessive.
Causes: neglect, abuse, incest, parents absent, addicted or weak, loss of parents and protectors.
Weather: < cold, < too hot, warm blooded, -> sun; -> storm, thunder and lightning,; -> fresh air, sea.
Perspiration: sometimes at night in bed, under arms.
Time: < 3 pm. > evening.
Desires: sour !!, salt !!, meat !!, hard- and soft boiled eggs !!, lettuce, bacon, beer, drinking !!, eating, alcohol, drugs.
Aversion: ginger, sweet.
Food: < coffee, pancakes, milk.
Menses: infrequent; tired < during menses.
Physical: < exertion.
Bent back as if carrying a burden, stooped head and shoulders, walk on their ones; desire to cross legs ! either at the knees or at the ankles.
Tired, lack of energy. Dryness of skin and mucus membranes.
Lymph glands swollen in neck, axilla and groin.
Benign tumours and swellings.
Headaches, jaws stiff and painful.
Retarded growth, arrested development, small breasts.
Dry and blocked nose, < morning, < milk, < central heating and dry air, > outside. Nosebleeds, old blood from back of nose.
Problems with oesophagus. Thyroid, goitre, parathyroid.
Lung: sarcoidosis!!; asthma, progressive, shortness of breath, < minimal exertion; cough, slight sputum production; infiltrates extensive, confluent, basilar, granular in both lungs; subsegmental atelectasis; pneumonia, acute or chronic; cancer.
Heart: pain around heart, constriction, feeling there is not enough room for the heart.se rapid, fast; cardiovascular diseases, infarct; abdominal aorta abnormalities.
Stomach feels empty, ->> eating and drinking. Vomiting, < pancakes and doughnuts.
Abdomen: pains, as if bloated, as if the food is not moving, pressing against diaphragm.
Urinary: kidney infections with oedema <<< throat infections.
Male: prostate problems; infertility.
Back: pain in neck, radiating to thumb, mainly on the right.
Limbs: clubbing of the fingers and toes; bone problems, atrophy, too supple; pains in muscles; pain in shoulders.
Skin: granuloma; Itching in back, lumbar region, and on sides. Feeling of insects crawling on medial side of calves, under knees.
DD: Carbon series, Stage 2, Aceticums, Muriaticums.
DD: Silicon series, Natrium to Chlorum, doesn’t feel good about himself either, but more unloved by family or friends.
DD: sulphur, also has problems with stooped shoulders and doesn’t feel accepted. But Sulphur feels more ‘disgraced’. With Beryllium it is more a feeling inside himself, than a feeling of having fallen from grace.
DD yielding: Carcinosin, Lac caninum, other Lacs, Pulsatilla, Silica, Thuja.
Beryllium Disease among Workers in a Spacecraft, Manufacturing Plant, California.