Woman, 56 years old.Her eldest daughter was born with fragile X syndrome. This was a massive shock for herself and husband as they were both young parents. They had 3 other children, but a lot of family life revolved around the eldest daughter. Her condition was challenging for the family but she was very loved within the family, extended family and broader community. As a teenager she was prone to anxiety. When she was four she was sent to live with her grandmother; she felt she had been sent away because she was naughty. The reality was her mother was struggling to look after siblings, so she was sent to grandmother. She was a wild teenager, but had a very poor self image.
Her husband was a supportive father and they did a lot to help their eldest daughter. She was challenging for all of the family with extreme outbursts which affected the other children. She required surgery and died in the process.
Her mother was very angry at the doctors and hospital staff and felt they did not treat her daughter like a human being. “Losing my child has brought up something primal within me. I want to howl. I don’t feel connected to the outside world. I feel connected within my family. I have a very idealistic view of the world, I expect people to be nice all the time. I so much want a happy family, that connection you only have with immediate family. My eldest daughter used to get us together so strongly. Losing her makes me want to curl up on my own and stay away from everybody. I am more isolated. I want to believe in angels and the spiritual path. My daughter had a big heart and a lot of love to give. Some people saw my daughter as less than perfect. I would compensate by saying that she is wiser than the rest. I felt very on the outside, not part of things. I could not be part of normal life scenarios, being left out and separate as a family unit.
I have tooth pain from clenching my teeth. My brain is clenched. My whole being is like this. If someone else is hurt I feel it, nothing stops it coming in. I’m afraid of losing control.”

Anacardium orientale 1M; 2006-2017“On one level I’m fine, on another I have no life purpose. I can’t face anybody, I look horrible, act horrible. I put on a mask. I feel like I am being followed when I’m in the dark and someone will jump out on me and hurt me. These days I can take on fears very easily. So much grief. I found a feather in my pocket; feathers are angels letting you know they are there. I wish I knew how to feel free. I want to grab everything on her grave and smash it.”

Datura stramonium 1M; 2006-2017“ My dentist phobia became huge after Datura stramonium. Going to the dentist is feeling powerless and having no choice. Your teeth are about your power. Losing your teeth is losing your power. I need to get more vitality and grow up. Having babies kept me busy so I did not have to decide on anything or make life choices. I am very sensitive to noise, bad smell, fiddle music. I can be easily overwhelmed by things, my nervous system cannot cope. It’s hard to feel spiritual or feel the presence of my daughter. I need to grow up. Grow up means? Being able to hold your composure and not be knocked by other people.

Prescription: Falco peregrinus 10M.“I am improved in my head. I let go and let decide. I anchor fear in my body, which has to do with my teeth. I fear losing my teeth. I’m going to get gum disease. Small fears can get very big. I fear a loss of self control. I am very sensitive to negative energy and negative thoughts, that’s why I’m struggling. I am irritated by noise, if someone is chewing food I can feel the vibration. I don’t have any filters, I feel that I am the people around me. It gets under my skin, I can feel everything. I can feel your thoughts.”

Hydrogenium 1M; 16-12-2020“I’ve always held childhood wounding in the body. I have a need to be loved and reassured. My body posture reiterates this and even though I have all the awareness I can’t switch it off. It’s the part of me my husband detaches from and for me that is pure agony as it reiterates that when I need most, I will be abandoned. People manifest pain to not feel painful emotions. I write out the rage at the hospital and doctors who did not look after my daughter sufficiently. When my children were young I felt so overwhelmed with caring for them, I felt I was going to blow, strike out and hurt someone. If I read of someone driving into a lane and killing their children I’d think: my god that could be me. I’m afraid to let go of my anger in case it will do damage. As a young child I had a very hot rage. I used to lash out, crying, biting, fighting. One day when I was in a rage my mother hit me and that stopped me expressing it.
In this pandemic, I don’t want to go against the doctors advice, but I get very wound up and angry at the doctors who lost my daughter. If I lose the plot and lash out I feel so bad. I feel the impulse to kick and bite. I look to my husband for attachment like I did with my mom. I need him to support me. When things are tense between us, I need his soft gaze and I’m ready to relate. When he’s defensive, I just don’t want any connection. He can be so there and present but suddenly gone. I need a soulmate, a partner who’s company I relax in and then I’m safe. I never really learnt that people were safe.”

Chamomilla 1M; 1-10-21“I feel a lot of anger around the vaccine. I’m terrified I will make the wrong decision with my children, they will die and it will be my fault. I feel full of rage towards the system. I feel like I’m fighting for their lives. As if my back is against the wall and someone has me by the throat. It’s my normal fear state, I lose all sense of myself. I have already lost my daughter. I’ve never come out of survival mode. My survival mode feels like threat, defence mode. I’m so defensive with people it is the split of my pain. In this dance I’m the bold girl. I’m terrified I will lose my senses and panic.”

Datura stramonium 1MShe eventually took the vaccine and had a very bad reaction to it. Her blood thinned as if she was on warfarin. I contacted her after we did a proving to say I had a remedy which might be good for her and asked for her permission to share her story with you. Here is her reply.
“Marie I am happy for you to share any and every detail. This bracing and defensiveness make my good life a struggle and me so irritated and reactive. I recognise early trauma that needs soothing and my husband is a difficult nasty, needy animal that shouldn’t be fed. He feels that I am really hard work and this blights our relationship. I know we are both really good people and we love each other, but we battle from our wounded selves. I know I am not easy and I can be mean, but I always see it and try to repair. My teeth clenching and general racing is such a strong state and I can’t find the off button. And yes I am not sure if I may unconsciously trigger things in good calm times as I am not sure how to be comfortable in safe relaxed mode. There is health in my system and I do manage to keep going and be a good mom and an ok human being, but I don’t have ease. I so appreciate any support to find a healthier way of being.

Christella dentata; 443.11.16The theme of the retarded child. The other children’s needs not being met. The Christella dentata fits with all the dental problems; she has visited many dentists. There is another interesting story behind this. Her parents were young and her mother got pregnant. The local priest refused to marry them and their daughter was adopted. They married soon after and never told the family. When all the children had grown up, the adoptive sister made contact. The mother was always shielded by the father. It is also a story of survival, not belonging, protecting and expelling.