Back to QJournal
Sinapis alba
Year 2026, Issue 4, Article 4CaseAuthor: Helena van Dijk
Sinapis nigraCase by Helena van DjjkWoman, from 1970.Her name means ‘the ruler of the homeland’
She works in an institute for mentally disabled people, they live in homes in groups in a house. One client got psychotic because of a change in her medications for epilepsy. I already pulled the emergency brake’ lots of times about her. She is suicidal and a few months ago she cut her wrists. I was called to go to the hospital with her. Her mother went beserk, everything about the institute was not okay. So, I asked the mother if she wanted us to leave. It’s difficult to back to that situation in my mind because suddenly it all was about the mother and not about the girl. Then we were told that the girl would be placed back in the house although as a team we needed to recover from it. Our direct leader understood it but she was placed back psychotic and suicidal. The board was unwilling, everybody of the team told them we couldn’t handle it, we’re really a very capable and good team.
Continuously we were drawn into this system of this family with meetings. They said the girl was out of crisis so they said then she can be placed back in the house.
But when she came back, she was immensely psychotic. She rammed doors, other inhabitants got very restless from it. She got herself vodka to take her medication, but they said ‘nothing happened so there is no crisis’…
On Monday I was with her 1 on 1, the remedial educationalist said she could go back to the work spot. I was alone with 7 other inhabitants. She was supposed to run with a sport coach, was that all right I wondered…. No answer from the board. Then the sport coach phoned that she ran home, and she was going to get a knife. So, I ran, he called again, she stabbed herself. 112 say you can’t go in, but she was so much in danger, she had a lot of blood in her side, then she grabbed the knife again and targeted it to her chest. I jumped in with a colleague, I pressed her against the sink, she was wild, shouted she wanted to be dead, she was very strong. We couldn’t control her, and she ran out of the kitchen. Then I was in a fight with her on the stairs, there she locked herself in. Then the ambulance and the police came but they couldn’t handle her as well, so they put her in handcuffs and clamped her to the heating and gave her a calming medicine. In the meanwhile, the inhabitants came back, and we directed them to their own rooms. One colleague said, do you want to call her parents then I will go with her to the hospital.
Strange how slow you think everybody else is. People talking…. There are clothes to be found for her to take with her to the hospital, medication. I stayed with the group. In a talk with the ambulance one nurse stepped in doing if she knew a lot…. I said I’m going home for a minute getting clean clothes, the people of the ambulance said, take notice that you have to talk with someone about this.
One friend said: ‘are you going back then’?... and when I stood in the shower I felt “I don’t want to back at all!”
O want to go to the dunes with my dogs!
Then I told my story to a good friend, that helped me a bit.
When my direct boss called, she told me to pick up my stuff in the bicycle shed but when I came there, people stood there talking in the dark, asking me if I needed something else, I didn’t want to be there, I just wanted to go home.
Lots of sweet apps from colleagues and managers, that was nice. I didn’t go to the meeting with the nhabitants but went to walk with a friend. The days after I went to walk with colleagues and with my direct boss. It was nice that we could say to each other that we really handled it well. But also, I’m still surprised to hear that in a way, as if it doesn’t get real. I have to repeat it to myself over and over again. I only see the chaos of that moment, what do you mean we did well?!
There was no coverage, where was everybody, we could have been hit, every one of us.
After the incident the remedial specialist called but said she had a stressed-out house and to go. One of the managers, is a sort of against us, one listens to us when we tell her that we didn’t have enough support.
I keep being angry.
One of my bosses later told me in a meeting that she is leaving. Nobody in the management knows exactly what happened. Only one listens and understands the situation.
I already send mails, what had to be done, how the team should be supported, in a professional way because we are not capable of handling these situations. I always was there, I gave my all, because my team is nice, and they couldn’t do it.
My mother was a child, I’m the middle of 3, my brother 10 years older, my sister 8 years younger. My dad always travelled and always worked. He always saw what could go wrong.
In a dream I was horse riding with the Downie sister of my father, it was all oké but my father looked over the fence and shouted ‘BRAKE’!!! You never know what happens’!!!
I felt drawn to my brother but I was also scared of him. My mom let him take me to his room.
I know that because he once dropped me, and I had to be stitched. It was unacceptable. He could be very aggressive and angry; he could praise you but also slam you down.
I never know what is mine or what is someone else, I always understand everybody. And then I jump in to help. I jump in the gaps, to solve it. For everybody.
Because of my borther, I learned to keep myself calm. My sister was said, she neglected me, so also because of that I never lifted myself up but kept under the radar.
As a child I couldn’t sleep, was singing all night. My brother was cursing. I always had the feeling that my brother and sister were walking through my room but that’s impossible.
I had a friend who had a brother who was nice, that opened up my eyes a bit.
Later I once had an experience, in a period that I was not doing well, I was 20 years old, my brother sent me a postcard with a teddy bear. Suddenly I got all nauseous.
When he left the house at 26, I collapsed, I didn’t go to school for a year. Never have nightmares about it.
I tend to be symbiotic. What came up once was the phrase: We came the three of us but they left me. There was a vanishing twin.
I know that there is a piece in my that no one can destroy but now it is far away. But in these situations, it is there.
As a child I held my stool inside, it gave me the feeling I was there, I wanted to keep it with me, I went to the doctor because of it.
I had chickenpox very severely, had holes in my skin.
With the first suicidal attempt of the inhabitant, I had pain in my shoulder, but it happened to be my neck and I solved it. When my brother died in an accident, I dreamed that there were all kinds of crystals in my body, they helped me to ground and were very light. That night he died.
I was angry, Ialways lived with the feeling that suicide was my backdoor for when life would become too hard for me. But now that he was dead, I never could do this to my parents anymore. I lost my backdoor to step out.
When there are people around me, I don’t have a clue who I am.
I’m good with animals.
I get a lot of compliments at my work from colleagues.
I always tried to make problems visible, and my team and the parents of the inhabitants felt being seen by me. I was savior and also culprit.
The first week after the incident I was just doing, that didn’t feel uncomfortable. I had lots of energy. I was afraid to get down, for the chaos in my head, like I came close the psychosis I had before. I would have liked to go into a winter sleep like a hedgehog.
Afraid to create a conviction that wouldn’t serve me.
When after a week I calmed down and I cried. I always give a lot of my energy away, I don’t cry easily.
The worse thing that I experienced was the death of my horse because of a car accident. I was 39, he was scared. I had a strong bond with him, you don’t belong here on earth, if you want to go you may go I said to him. A month later he broke out in panic. I screamed very loud when he got hit. I feel they have be free, in the pray.
I feel free myself, want to be in nature. Not being here is really free. Like a bundle of light crossing universe. Dancing. Light. Together and still being yourself. Naïve and happy.
Prescription: Delphinium staphysagria M.Follow upAllright, more calm. But then my boss called, said things like, I don’t know if I can trust you…
because I told what was wrong in the organization. I got so angry! I was afraid to get psychotic of it. Later on the beach out of the blue a stranger got very angry with me, I think it was a reflection of my anger. There is so much that is not okay at work.
My hormones are like when I was young, lot of bleeding.
Prescription: Anacardium orientale M.Follow upMy dog died. I like to herd sheep, being silent with the animals.
But I shut down when I hear that my boss thinks that I just will be back. I can’t breath when I
think of that. The organization is so unsafe.
It splits me up, like I’m in the air above my body. Then I’m afraid that they take the lead over
me. I constantly have the feeling I have to urinate at night.
Prescription: Thuja C30 once a day only when necessary.Follow upExtreme up and extreme down. My head is full. I’m more depressed. Everything triggers me.
I went to do EMDR but the psychologist was in the meanwhile doing something else, just said sometimes to me I just had to go on… but I saw she was doing all kind of things that distracted her.
It didn’t help so much, still see all kind of plates ….
I notice I am mourning now. I have thoughts at night.
Can sleep a couple of hours, go to bed on time. Sometimes I sleep, sometimes awake from 00.00 to 4 am. I’m still fighting for my own safety. Sometimes I hit my own head because it
doesn’t want to stop at night.AnalysisReligious upbringing that didn’t match with her being: 3-655.00.00, Malvanae
Very sensitive: Malvanae
Brother abuse, being neglected at work, taking all problems on her shoulders: Phase 6
Preserving: Stage 11.
Prescription: 3-655.64.11, Sinapis nigra C200 once a week if necessary.Follow upI ‘m better at guarding my own borders. It’s quite good. I’m still very sensitive but when I listen to it it all goes well. I had a meeting with an occupational physician and he said, there need to be some meetings first before I can get back to work.
The EMDR, I was very restless after it and went to a Winti, she helped me out, it all went wrong and that was indeed how it felt. But now my head is much calmer.
I still sometimes feel responsible when my dog does something wrong with the sheep but my colleagues there are not blaming me. They know the dogs have a learning curve. The feeling of panic then comes up but also quickly disappears and I calm down again.
My father was very strictly religious. Very heavy. It feels like a cramp, as if he grabs me at my throat. I think differently.
I feel lighter, literally as if there is more light in me. And someone said, just keep it to yourself otherwise you will give it away immediately again.
I asked for a meeting with a real doctor. Told everything. Told him that they didn’t support our team.
Later when I was at my work to talk, I saw that my wonderful team was sitting there, angry, crying, mistrusting the management, and I feel I want to solve it for them. But I can let it be
because it is not my task to take the whole organization on my shoulders. Just a second, if they ask me to start a herbal garden there I feel my enthusiasm coming up, I want to help them out but then I see what I ‘m doing again and I know I don’t want to work there anymore because they are talking about placing this patient back in the house! My beautiful team is ruined, they lost their inspiration. All very sweet and sensitive people, and strong and wise. I felt I could get sucked into it, but I feel it and don’t let it happen. I just feel it and let it be.
Now I see one after another leaving. And I’m not saving the company anymore. When I sat there, I knew it was the right choice.
I sleep a lot better, am calm now. I know what I want to do the coming time, herding the sheep and then see. I didn’t know they are so nice, such personalities; they have a shrouding quality. The next development will come automatically.
When the leader of the sheep told me that she was angry with a newcomer that wanted to herd also, I had already felt I didn’t want to herd with that woman. And I didn’t want to hear the story behind, I didn’t need to know and solve it. Could leave it with our shepherd. Very nice.
I sleep well, I feel super free.
I tell her to repeat the remedy when necessary.
She works in an institute for mentally disabled people, they live in homes in groups in a house. One client got psychotic because of a change in her medications for epilepsy. I already pulled the emergency brake’ lots of times about her. She is suicidal and a few months ago she cut her wrists. I was called to go to the hospital with her. Her mother went beserk, everything about the institute was not okay. So, I asked the mother if she wanted us to leave. It’s difficult to back to that situation in my mind because suddenly it all was about the mother and not about the girl. Then we were told that the girl would be placed back in the house although as a team we needed to recover from it. Our direct leader understood it but she was placed back psychotic and suicidal. The board was unwilling, everybody of the team told them we couldn’t handle it, we’re really a very capable and good team.
Continuously we were drawn into this system of this family with meetings. They said the girl was out of crisis so they said then she can be placed back in the house.
But when she came back, she was immensely psychotic. She rammed doors, other inhabitants got very restless from it. She got herself vodka to take her medication, but they said ‘nothing happened so there is no crisis’…
On Monday I was with her 1 on 1, the remedial educationalist said she could go back to the work spot. I was alone with 7 other inhabitants. She was supposed to run with a sport coach, was that all right I wondered…. No answer from the board. Then the sport coach phoned that she ran home, and she was going to get a knife. So, I ran, he called again, she stabbed herself. 112 say you can’t go in, but she was so much in danger, she had a lot of blood in her side, then she grabbed the knife again and targeted it to her chest. I jumped in with a colleague, I pressed her against the sink, she was wild, shouted she wanted to be dead, she was very strong. We couldn’t control her, and she ran out of the kitchen. Then I was in a fight with her on the stairs, there she locked herself in. Then the ambulance and the police came but they couldn’t handle her as well, so they put her in handcuffs and clamped her to the heating and gave her a calming medicine. In the meanwhile, the inhabitants came back, and we directed them to their own rooms. One colleague said, do you want to call her parents then I will go with her to the hospital.
Strange how slow you think everybody else is. People talking…. There are clothes to be found for her to take with her to the hospital, medication. I stayed with the group. In a talk with the ambulance one nurse stepped in doing if she knew a lot…. I said I’m going home for a minute getting clean clothes, the people of the ambulance said, take notice that you have to talk with someone about this.
One friend said: ‘are you going back then’?... and when I stood in the shower I felt “I don’t want to back at all!”
O want to go to the dunes with my dogs!
Then I told my story to a good friend, that helped me a bit.
When my direct boss called, she told me to pick up my stuff in the bicycle shed but when I came there, people stood there talking in the dark, asking me if I needed something else, I didn’t want to be there, I just wanted to go home.
Lots of sweet apps from colleagues and managers, that was nice. I didn’t go to the meeting with the nhabitants but went to walk with a friend. The days after I went to walk with colleagues and with my direct boss. It was nice that we could say to each other that we really handled it well. But also, I’m still surprised to hear that in a way, as if it doesn’t get real. I have to repeat it to myself over and over again. I only see the chaos of that moment, what do you mean we did well?!
There was no coverage, where was everybody, we could have been hit, every one of us.
After the incident the remedial specialist called but said she had a stressed-out house and to go. One of the managers, is a sort of against us, one listens to us when we tell her that we didn’t have enough support.
I keep being angry.
One of my bosses later told me in a meeting that she is leaving. Nobody in the management knows exactly what happened. Only one listens and understands the situation.
I already send mails, what had to be done, how the team should be supported, in a professional way because we are not capable of handling these situations. I always was there, I gave my all, because my team is nice, and they couldn’t do it.
My mother was a child, I’m the middle of 3, my brother 10 years older, my sister 8 years younger. My dad always travelled and always worked. He always saw what could go wrong.
In a dream I was horse riding with the Downie sister of my father, it was all oké but my father looked over the fence and shouted ‘BRAKE’!!! You never know what happens’!!!
I felt drawn to my brother but I was also scared of him. My mom let him take me to his room.
I know that because he once dropped me, and I had to be stitched. It was unacceptable. He could be very aggressive and angry; he could praise you but also slam you down.
I never know what is mine or what is someone else, I always understand everybody. And then I jump in to help. I jump in the gaps, to solve it. For everybody.
Because of my borther, I learned to keep myself calm. My sister was said, she neglected me, so also because of that I never lifted myself up but kept under the radar.
As a child I couldn’t sleep, was singing all night. My brother was cursing. I always had the feeling that my brother and sister were walking through my room but that’s impossible.
I had a friend who had a brother who was nice, that opened up my eyes a bit.
Later I once had an experience, in a period that I was not doing well, I was 20 years old, my brother sent me a postcard with a teddy bear. Suddenly I got all nauseous.
When he left the house at 26, I collapsed, I didn’t go to school for a year. Never have nightmares about it.
I tend to be symbiotic. What came up once was the phrase: We came the three of us but they left me. There was a vanishing twin.
I know that there is a piece in my that no one can destroy but now it is far away. But in these situations, it is there.
As a child I held my stool inside, it gave me the feeling I was there, I wanted to keep it with me, I went to the doctor because of it.
I had chickenpox very severely, had holes in my skin.
With the first suicidal attempt of the inhabitant, I had pain in my shoulder, but it happened to be my neck and I solved it. When my brother died in an accident, I dreamed that there were all kinds of crystals in my body, they helped me to ground and were very light. That night he died.
I was angry, Ialways lived with the feeling that suicide was my backdoor for when life would become too hard for me. But now that he was dead, I never could do this to my parents anymore. I lost my backdoor to step out.
When there are people around me, I don’t have a clue who I am.
I’m good with animals.
I get a lot of compliments at my work from colleagues.
I always tried to make problems visible, and my team and the parents of the inhabitants felt being seen by me. I was savior and also culprit.
The first week after the incident I was just doing, that didn’t feel uncomfortable. I had lots of energy. I was afraid to get down, for the chaos in my head, like I came close the psychosis I had before. I would have liked to go into a winter sleep like a hedgehog.
Afraid to create a conviction that wouldn’t serve me.
When after a week I calmed down and I cried. I always give a lot of my energy away, I don’t cry easily.
The worse thing that I experienced was the death of my horse because of a car accident. I was 39, he was scared. I had a strong bond with him, you don’t belong here on earth, if you want to go you may go I said to him. A month later he broke out in panic. I screamed very loud when he got hit. I feel they have be free, in the pray.
I feel free myself, want to be in nature. Not being here is really free. Like a bundle of light crossing universe. Dancing. Light. Together and still being yourself. Naïve and happy.
Prescription: Delphinium staphysagria M.Follow upAllright, more calm. But then my boss called, said things like, I don’t know if I can trust you…
because I told what was wrong in the organization. I got so angry! I was afraid to get psychotic of it. Later on the beach out of the blue a stranger got very angry with me, I think it was a reflection of my anger. There is so much that is not okay at work.
My hormones are like when I was young, lot of bleeding.
Prescription: Anacardium orientale M.Follow upMy dog died. I like to herd sheep, being silent with the animals.
But I shut down when I hear that my boss thinks that I just will be back. I can’t breath when I
think of that. The organization is so unsafe.
It splits me up, like I’m in the air above my body. Then I’m afraid that they take the lead over
me. I constantly have the feeling I have to urinate at night.
Prescription: Thuja C30 once a day only when necessary.Follow upExtreme up and extreme down. My head is full. I’m more depressed. Everything triggers me.
I went to do EMDR but the psychologist was in the meanwhile doing something else, just said sometimes to me I just had to go on… but I saw she was doing all kind of things that distracted her.
It didn’t help so much, still see all kind of plates ….
I notice I am mourning now. I have thoughts at night.
Can sleep a couple of hours, go to bed on time. Sometimes I sleep, sometimes awake from 00.00 to 4 am. I’m still fighting for my own safety. Sometimes I hit my own head because it
doesn’t want to stop at night.AnalysisReligious upbringing that didn’t match with her being: 3-655.00.00, Malvanae
Very sensitive: Malvanae
Brother abuse, being neglected at work, taking all problems on her shoulders: Phase 6
Preserving: Stage 11.
Prescription: 3-655.64.11, Sinapis nigra C200 once a week if necessary.Follow upI ‘m better at guarding my own borders. It’s quite good. I’m still very sensitive but when I listen to it it all goes well. I had a meeting with an occupational physician and he said, there need to be some meetings first before I can get back to work.
The EMDR, I was very restless after it and went to a Winti, she helped me out, it all went wrong and that was indeed how it felt. But now my head is much calmer.
I still sometimes feel responsible when my dog does something wrong with the sheep but my colleagues there are not blaming me. They know the dogs have a learning curve. The feeling of panic then comes up but also quickly disappears and I calm down again.
My father was very strictly religious. Very heavy. It feels like a cramp, as if he grabs me at my throat. I think differently.
I feel lighter, literally as if there is more light in me. And someone said, just keep it to yourself otherwise you will give it away immediately again.
I asked for a meeting with a real doctor. Told everything. Told him that they didn’t support our team.
Later when I was at my work to talk, I saw that my wonderful team was sitting there, angry, crying, mistrusting the management, and I feel I want to solve it for them. But I can let it be
because it is not my task to take the whole organization on my shoulders. Just a second, if they ask me to start a herbal garden there I feel my enthusiasm coming up, I want to help them out but then I see what I ‘m doing again and I know I don’t want to work there anymore because they are talking about placing this patient back in the house! My beautiful team is ruined, they lost their inspiration. All very sweet and sensitive people, and strong and wise. I felt I could get sucked into it, but I feel it and don’t let it happen. I just feel it and let it be.
Now I see one after another leaving. And I’m not saving the company anymore. When I sat there, I knew it was the right choice.
I sleep a lot better, am calm now. I know what I want to do the coming time, herding the sheep and then see. I didn’t know they are so nice, such personalities; they have a shrouding quality. The next development will come automatically.
When the leader of the sheep told me that she was angry with a newcomer that wanted to herd also, I had already felt I didn’t want to herd with that woman. And I didn’t want to hear the story behind, I didn’t need to know and solve it. Could leave it with our shepherd. Very nice.
I sleep well, I feel super free.
I tell her to repeat the remedy when necessary.