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Beryllium nitricum
Year 2022, Issue 18CaseAuthor: Carlos Melo ?
Beryllium nitricum for publicationAnalysisThe central theme of Beryllium nitricum may be related to this statement of the patient: DIFFICULTY TO MANAGE HIS OWN LIFE, FOR THIS HE DO NOT FORGIVE ALL THOSE WHO HE JUDEGES HAS DISTURBED HIS PROCESS.
Dream of the patient: “I had a nightmare with my relatives, I reacted as an autistic boy who cannot adapt himself to social conviviality, this is my bigger complaint.
I dreamed that I was driving cars. Reading about these dreams I perceived that the fear to drive only happens with demanding and detailed people who never want to be reticulated about wrongs made in public and there is a direct relation with difficulty to manage his own life.
I am trying to adapt me to the environmente where I always lived (Curative symptom).Statements of the patient which may be attributed to the element Beryllium in the compound. I have acnes in my face in the form of cysts. The determining factor of my problem is not having a social life, I am still inside the home, broken, and I do not have enthusiasm to live. Social activities like to buy bread I make as it were for the first time. I am as an anti-social person who tries to adapt to the community, but I miss it. It is hard for me to adapt to social life, I must recover my self-confidence to learn to deal with it. I don’t grow up; I do not take part to the things of life. When I was a child I was ashamed to wear only underpants close to others (tub). I do not know what my ability, a sensation of powerlessness. I try remaining well with me to achieve something in life, let us see whether my body aids to enter the rhythm, on the trail, if it helps me tune.
I cannot react; I could try another course in the history of my life. The prejudice of society pains me as some family members on what is happening with me, this frigidity of character, this moral weakness, my naivety, this fear of responsibilities. The things at home are analyzed superficially, I am meager, revolted, I am very intolerant with the swearwords of my brother, I am wrong with life. I must take my life in my own way, I feel uncomfortable in the midst of the people. I hate be criticized unfairly, about things that I hear of the people of my co-existence. I lost the focus. My mood is distorted. I only canalize my energies for bad things. I must stabilize. I do not have a escape valve. We cannot demand a pattern of other, each one is who he is. My affection is suppressed.
I've kept resentment of my father because he did not know how to educate me and of my brother because his malicious comments. I become sad because my mother is a victim; she does not have the minimum of understanding to help me. I remain fixed in thoughts that do not lead me to nothing. I have tried deleting that obscure and anguishing past, but I could not. I am wrong by being contaminated by discord, where should prevail forgiveness.
A look is enough to see that my old (father) finds absurd my behavior and thoughts, as if I were a psychotic escaping from reality. He tells me things such as: "put the feet on the floor". My brother is an alienated with his ridiculous justifications for a rational being. As it were not enough he disrupt my space. He meddles in my life wasting my friendships, creating a hellish climate. In fact no one has ever respected my space.
I hope and I am enthused with the possibility to take back the motivation to live and able to make my personal and professional projects in a way mild and calm, both in relation to me and other. I am concerned with my improvement, but I believe that we are right in relation to my treatment. I am impeded to do the activities of the day; I am despondent, arrested within me. Inside home I feel some comfort, but just I leave that appears discomfort.
I wake up wanting to leave, cycle, run, but I cannot do, I am physical and mental exhausted, I am lazy to go out. I like to be free. My willingness to carry things is so much that I stop the natural procedure of my life.
I miss of life, I wish my place under the sun, I will not be only an adjuvant player, I don’t know to be passive. I would like to live with people more open to dialog, but the sociability is a torture.
I don’t go out; I remained more with me, closed too. I am unobtrusive; I don’t talk about my life for others. I hate being looked at, but I was always looking at things.
I want to wear dark glasses in the classroom, as if the others could see something wrong in my eyes (bar-act).
I suspect that someone is telling this or that about me, analyzing me. I cannot look at the face, unless the other does not know anything about me.
I had the classic crises of panic trouble, my heart beat stronger, I lacked air, much anguish. They were fast; they came without any reason (acon, kali-ar). They happen when I am criticized, judged, questioned about my life. I cannot take a joke.
I am worry about other’s opinion; I feel badly when you judge me without knowing what is happen about me, if you make wrong diagnosis about my person.
I am only a grain of sand, but someone observe, I cannot hide the interior pain. I hide my feelings, but they are clear to everybody. I am ashamed of me not having a social life. I have social phobia.
I would like to see the life with other eyes. I perceive what others do not see. I am not free to look people. My image reflects very different from that I am. I don´t allow others enter my life (cycl), they invade my privacy. I never invade the intimate of nobody. Actually nobody has ever respected my space.
The lack of objective affects my self esteem, I cannot initiate. I want to be well with my family, with the most attached, but I don’t know what to do.
I have much love to give. I cannot get a partner appropriate to my profile. I must divide my weakness, I live seeking a partner in the virtual world. She never knew that I was there. I never was loved. I am ashamed to demonstrate my feelings; I believe that nobody understands me (stram). I am afraid not get a girlfriend because I don’t have a normal social life. I satisfy myself seeing videos and photos, the real sex is better.
I try to be self-sufficient. I know defending myself very well. I am not a promise as a scholarly of football, I am a reality.
I seek a quality of stable life. In childhood I was totally open, I live well with everybody (beryl in + pole), I was very attached with my parents.
My mother suffocate (acon) me with her excesses of protection (zinc-m), I am sorry because she is a victim and does not have a minimum of understanding to help me. My father helps me pay the treatment.
I don´t valorize material things. The system of the chief (my father) runs away completely of my principles, of my values and ideals. Statements of the patient which may be attributed to the ion Nitricum (NO3−) in the compound. I am wrong because I am contaminated by discord, where the forgiveness should prevail. I've kept things that I do not need, I have resentment of my father because he didn’t know educating me, I cannot forgive him, and my brother because he made malicious comments which created a hellish climate in my life. I don’t desire this for my greatest enemy.
I feel a hate unjustifiable against many relatives and closer people. I have left the family of hand, I am very grudging, very intolerant of contradiction, and I take everything to iron and fire. The past insists to distress me.
It is hard to me forgetting the bad events of this traumatic past, which hurt my heart. To be criticized unfairly spleen me. If someone insists I could not forgive. I remain in the virtual life because of traumas of the past caused by suffering and constraints, they destroyed my self esteem.
I cannot solve my problems in the curt. I want to know your opinion about my desire to process the psychiatrist who diagnosed me mistakenly.
What I want I persevere. I have a very large heart, an integrate character. I hate be touched, I do not support that you pity me. I was a victim.From his history which is very long I took the following symptoms.Expressions
Fear: social phobia, of reproached / censured, of being ridiculed, of his condition being observed, of being excluded, of going out, of streets, of strangers, of unknown, of crowds in street, of embracing life, of future, of failure, of coition from anxiety, of disease, of disease of heart, of suffocation, of sudden (panic attacks, overpowering), of cancer, of apoplexy, of losing support of the doctor, of will not have a partner, of will no study (ped a1), of being neglected / rejected, of being alone, of driving a car, of insanity, of unconsciousness (alum, alumn), of opinion of others, of poverty, of responsibility, of falling from high places, of birds, death, of dark, of monsters, of authority, of to give criticism, of hurting others, fear with weary of life, fear with palpitation, fear of a process, fear causeless.
Dreams: being a professional football player, married with my platonic love, with friends of childhood (calc-p).
Mental and Mood: timid, timid about appearing in public (coldness of abdomen), bashful, uncertain, indecisive, -amel. and agg. support, listless, meaningless, gloomy, childish behavior, discouraged, cowardice, contemptuous, contemptuous of life, contemptuous of self, discontented, discontented with himself, doubtful, doubtful of recovery, helplessness, forsaken feeling, indifference to loved ones,
want self confidence, mental insecurity, excluded from life, cannot bear to be looked at, without place, difficult defining his own place, sensitive to criticism, presence of strangers agg., sympathetic, benevolence, vulnerable, undertaking: he would rather evade a problem than face it, abrupt, anger from contraction, anger easily, anger at trifles, anger violent, anguish, anguish preventing respiration, anxiety extreme, anxiety about one’s own health, anxiety with impeded respiration, aversion to certain persons, beside oneself, disposition to contradict, contrary, euphoria. Irritability from trifles, jealousy, lamenting, laziness, despising life, litigious, aversion to live, needs for love, malicious / resentment, misanthropy, mocking, mood changeable, repulsive, morose, morose with oneself, morose weeping amel. obstinate, offended easily, perseverance, optimistic, pessimist, ability for philosophy, pities herself, quiet disposition, rage, power of reason increased, remorse, reproaching others, reserved, resignation, complains of respiration agg. from mental symptoms, internal restlessness, rudeness, sadness with anger, sadness anxious, sadness about disease, sadness gloomy, sadness after midnight on waking at 5 h, secretive, selfishness, sensitive to external impressions, sensitive to noise, sensitive to touch, sighing, disposition to slander, disagreeable thoughts, persistent, tormenting, aversion to be touched, trifles seem important, feels unfortunate, vivacious, wearisome, weary of life, weeping amel., loss of will power, prostration of mind, wretched, refusing to take the medicine, making verses, sentimental, love-sick, hypochondriasis, curious, yearning for peace, desire for harmony, powerless, always look at the things, company agg., Inside home I have certain comfort, but if I leave it discomfort appears, carried by music (anh), cheerful from music, cry from music, desires to play drums, guitar,
Delusions: criticized, diminished, forsaken, hindered, error of personal identity, being laughed and mocked, lost, misunderstood, expects to be reproved, contraction of space, being watched, he is worthless, friendless, inferiority, one is about to die, thinks he is going to suffocate, that somebody would come to catch me,
Religious: magic.
Causes: neglect, abuse, domination of parents, absent parents, addicted or weak, loss of parents and protectors, reproaches, anger, cares, contradiction, betrayed, disappointed love, emotions, loss of friends, disappointed love, mortification, being offended, unhappiness.GeneralsBuild: thin.
Locality: left.
Weather: warm agg., too hot, warm blooded, amel. cloudy weather; amel. fresh air, sea, moonlight amel., sunlight amel.
Perspiration: abdomen, thorax.
Time: forenoon amel., afternoon agg., after eating (weariness)
Desires: coffee, tomato, farinaceous, fried potatoes, corn foods.
Aversion: vegetables, milk.
Food: agg., coffee (headache, palpitation).
Clothing: pressure amel.
Sleep: good, on the right side, waking at 5 h.
Physical: exertion amel., motion amel. rapid, desire for motion, touch agg., weakness, weariness, rubbing amel., tired, lack of energy.
Complaints
Head: headaches, headache accompanied by pain in stomach, headache from strong odors, headache amel. by cold applications, coldness of head.
Mouth: dryness from excitement, anxiety.
Throat: choking swallowing pills (lyss), swallowing food from anxiety, on going to sleep from saliva.
External throat: tension.
Neck: stiffness, tension as if carries a burden (tab).
Stomach: want of appetite during sadness, respiration impeded during bad thoughts, nausea from odors, thirst extreme.
Abdomen: pains, as if bloated, as if the food is not moving, pressing against diaphragm, and coldness of abdomen.
Respiration: difficult, inspiration, impeded, attacks of suffocation, hyperventilation, I have difficult respiration when it comes a bad thought, I thought I would stop to breathe, then I will to die, it came morning more, I seated erect. It did not last more than five minutes.
Chest: palpitation from anxiety.
Male: quick ejaculation with anxiety.
Back: tension (cervical region).
Skin: face – greasy cheeks (hydr, nat-m, sumb), acne cystic (nit-ac, adam mlx), cicatrices from eruptions, urticaria / hives, eruptions itching from euphoria.
mlx = carlos lima melo
Man, 21 years, student. 6/9/2005
b = symptoms (Beryllium metallicum).
n = symptoms (Nitricum).I am discouraged (b) due traumas (n) that had happened in my life (b). They hindered me to make the everyday activities, because I had acnes in form of cysts (n, b). The acnes deformed my face and left scars (mez). I took “Isotretinoin”, I improved and I came back to the active. I could not leave my house because people looked at me (b), I did not wait for that. I am very vain. I became indignant because they appeased me saying that it was a transitory thing. I lost too much, but I also learned to be more with me (b). I am a home loving (b); I do not go to bars.
When I was 14 years old the acnes came back, I treated again. I never imagined that I would arrive at the point to escape from life (b); I made this because they do not ask me what it (b) is. I am very discrete, I do not like talking about my life, my dreams. I remained myself in the virtual life (b) because of the acnes, I connect with (b) my friends (n) from Internet. When I improved I set meetings with girls, but they were not who I imagined.
I am unstable (b), the doctor advised me to look for a psychiatrist. He said I had schizophrenia and he prescribed me a remedy that was in research. Then I entered in the college of physical education and I started to read about the subject, I discovered that the medicine affected the cerebellum and I decided to stop.
TELL MORE ABOUT YOUR NATURE, WHO ARE YOU? I am a sentimental. I have a strong temper. I need very clear explanations (camph) for everything. I have a clean character, hardly am I wrong. I fight for dignity, respect, love, without this you are nothing. I want to see what others do not see (b).
I invested a lot in a crush of my childhood, I tried to conquer her through my verses, but she did not know that I existed. I do not accept to be betrayed (hyos). I am monogamous, faithful, and chaste, I only kissed once in the mouth.
It is difficult to keep me on balance (b). I am uncertain (b). I want to be well with the familiar ones and I do not do. I am perseverant (n). I am aggressive, mainly with the most attached. I always blame them for not know how to act, although they did not stop loving me. I bother when my father (b) tells that life is hard for spineless people (b). I feel myself powerless (b) faced with diseases, I do not know what to do (b), I want to heal my self, but I do not do.
I feel stiffness in the nape of the neck. I am always beating on it. I also feel a discomfort in the temples and I put the hand there.
I think about football during the twenty four hours of the day, I almost had the chance to be a professional.
Although I have friends (phosphoricums, nitricums), they are very important to me (sars, mag-m), they are always calling me, asking how am I thus, I am jealousy for my friends, nevertheless my brother takes most of them.
TELL ABOUT YOUR DREAMS - I always dream with a girl, I am sorry because now she is with another man.
CHILDHOOD AND ADOLESCENCE - I played puzzle, videogame (chin), and ball in the street. I feared the dark. I imagined monsters, animals. I cried too much. I was not sulk. I was extroverted (b in + pole), I did not have problems with anybody (n in + pole). In the teenager I started to separate the people who I talked (b, n). I started to read about Homeopathy and I knew that it treats not only the illness, but the individual too. Perhaps my illness does not have cure (n).
DESCRIBES YOUR IDEAL WORLD – A world with mind opened people and dialogue (b in p +, mang). They do not see only the esthetic aspect, but the interior (b), the goodness (n) of people. If you see face you do not see heart. My image reflects a lot of different things of what I am (Scholten says that Beryl “does not know who he is”).
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL LIVING IN THIS WORLD? I would not think about their opinion about me, I would feel more free to look at them (b), I would not be naive (b), I would not be imagining the evilness that they could make (dros).
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE IN IT? I would play football as a professional. If I was a football player I would not be here, without football I cannot live.
HOW YOU WOULD FEEL IF YOU HAVE TO LEAVE IT? Very sad, I would try to come back as fast as possible.
WHAT DO YOU LOSE FOR LEAVING IT? I lose happiness (op, ph-ac), peace (bry), harmony (mang) among body, emotion and mind, the quality of a well steady life (b).GENERAL CHARACTERISTICS: Thin, average height, left side (cramps).
TELL ABOUT YOUR REACTS TO WEATHER – I prefer the cold weather (b), the rain. The heat bothers me more (b). As a poet I like the moonlight (ant-c).
HOW DO YOU PREFER YOUR BATH? – Hot in the past, but cold now.
IN WHAT PARTS OF YOUR BODY YOU PERSPIRE MORE? I perspire more on the abdomen and chest.
AT WHAT HOURS OF THE DAY YOU FEEL YOURSELF MORE DISCOURAGED? – I feel discouraged at the forenoon.
HOW IS YOUR THIRST AND ARE YOUR DESIRES TO EAT? I am thirsty. I like corn-made food, coffee (3), farinaceous, barbecue, fried potato (cob-n), tomato.
WHAT DO YOU DOES NOT LIKE TO EAT? WHAT FOOD MADE YOU FEEL BAD? I do not like vegetables, beet, okra, cabbage, and the fruit of Solanum gilo (It is very bitter). I have headache when I drink too much coffee. (He pointed to the last point of the stomach acupuncture way at the anterior edge of the scalp, over the temple).
TELL ABOUT YOUR SLEEP – I sleep on the right side, first I cover me, but after I uncover. I am calm in the darkness. In the past I thought someone would come to catch me. I was always looking things around me (b).
WHAT MODIFICATES YOUR HEALTH? If you judge me without knowing what is passing with me (b).
HOW DO YOU FEEL IN FACE OF PAIN, ILLNESS, SUFFERING? I feel impotent (b), I do not know what to do (b). I want to improve, but I can’t. My intestine works as a clock. I have difficulty in breathing when I have a bad thought, I think I will stop to breathe and die. It comes more often during the mornings, then I seat erect. It do not last more than five minutes.
My ejaculation is too quick (zincums), it make me anxious. My cheeks are very greasy.
I am insecure (b) for having attempt homeopathic treatment two years ago without result. I wish passions more clear and defined (camph), to be more flexible, the desires more easy to reach, without being material.
Hydr 200 c(I was very doubtful about the prescription and I asked him a report, which he emailed).I did not stabilize (b) my mood. I kept inside of me (b), tried to be self-sufficient (b), but I did not. I have certain comfort inside home, but if I leave the discomfort appears (b), company is a torture (b).
Childhood: during it I was very ashamed to be with underwear near others (tub). I was a glue with my parents and very intolerant with my brother’s mockery.
In the school I was introverted (b), but in the playground I was extroverted. I feared the dark, the birds and to be alone. My mother put me in a crèche, it was unbearable. I hate milk until now. My father thought that acnes were if scabies, you were born with them. I started to play football when I was seven years old, but I thought that I would be a player only when I turned seventeen years old. I remember of my first goal, I almost died of emotion. Unhappily my father (b) was not present, it was a frustration, despite that he likes football very much. I ran and I never felt fatigue. I imagined me an adult without esthetic defect. My father preferred to beat me. I was never praised by him, but by others. I liked to divide everything with my friends and brother (n).
I do not bear that others interfere in my life (b). I am very sensible when I talk with a women or when I am with my dogs. The acnes destroyed my self esteem (b).
Mental effort tires me, but to reflect and write about my thoughts brings me calm and increases my self esteem. I hate to be looked at (b) and touched (n), but during a special moment by a special woman, then everything becomes magical (b). I do not see terror films. I cannot stand strong smells or much disorder. I hate crowded places. I love music. I rebelled against intrigue. I was a victim (n). Faced with strong emotions I cannot hold tears. I hate extreme mercy, everyone must have common-sense, and nobody wants to be miserable for the whole life, even if that someone is suffering. My mood is distorted (b), it varies a lot, and my joy is linked to football. They have said that I am depressive without solution. I feel myself despaired by to have as much love to give (n) and I cannot have a partner with my profile which makes me see life with other eyes (b). I exaggerate in the virtual (b) search that is very superficial. I feel myself arrested (b) to cruel signs of the past (n) and imperfect in front of my plans of life and my dreams. I waited to find a pretty girl, to flirt, to marry and to have children (ox-ac, muriaticums), but when I think about this it comes anguish, loss and hurt. I always dreamed to gain a good money and to have a comfortable life, to conquer, to love a soul, an exclusive feminine body for the whole life (ant-cr, til). Sometimes I have perverse thoughts and intense sexual desires that do not agree with love. I am pleased with videos and photos. It is clearly that the real sex is better, but I fear my anxiety that makes sex be a problem. I am not a promise as an expert about football; I am a reality (b). The ball is like the air that makes me live. I like freedom (b), I am half irresponsible (med), but I am conscientious. I am sufficiently demanding, I hate (n) pragmatism and accuracy. I love to philosophize, to understand the love (phosphoricums). I believe that my will to carry through is as great that I finish hindering the natural procedure of the things in my life (b). I suffer with jokes. I always respected stranger and I never invaded the soul of nobody (b, cycl). I see myself as an antisocial one trying to adjust the community (b). My affectivity always was a secret (b), when it will be discovered (b) I will not deny it. I feel myself badly for failing, but I do not feel shame therefore, I am a man of honest character (n). I look for to make what I find correct and not what the others say to me. I hate when they compare romanticism with homosexuality, as much stupidity (cic, nux-v) as intolerable. When I was well, I established strong bows of friendships (n), they worry about me and they touched themselves that I don’t like that they invade my privacy (b).
I have hobbies as to take coffee passing the hand in the hair, smoothing my head with the fingers, it comforts me. When I was a little child I had the habit to be turning a diaper on hair to fell the head cool. I always wear the shirt inwards.
My libido is very strong; the blond girls touch me seriously. I desire young women; I cannot enjoy them, and only masturbating me and this turned a dilemma. I don’t like monotony (hell), nearly always I create something different to satisfy me sexually. I have crises when they observe me or they question me (b), everyone has their own life history (b) and genetics (b) that favors a few and others dost sicken.
I have resentment (n) of things that I listen from people (b) who lives together. I did not like to look at for the people (b, bar-act). If you hurts me deeply It is hard for me to forgive (n), except if you know nothing about me (b) very clear. I have shame to demonstrate my feelings (b) because people think I am gay. I think that nobody understands me (stram). I am very attached to dogs. I play with them when I am not well in life (b). The dogs are faithful (stram). They are there all the time, do not hurt you. They are interesting company. I talk and play with them (stram), but I mock (chin) them too. I had sleeplessness due cares.
Stram 200 CEmailed.I must learn to deal with the divergences (syph). The world is composed of imperfect beings. My main complaint is because I did not preserve my reputation (kali-br). The hatred (n) is poisoning my soul. I have lost (b) my calm.14/11/2005I want to say a thing and say another one. I stay at home with laziness, I leave to play ball, but I am discouraged (b) to go to court (n) to decide my problems.
I miss the community, I do not grow up, I do not participate of things of life (b); I fear I will not get a girlfriend for not having a normal social life (b). Unhappily I am worse; I feel a great difficulty to leave home. My father wants me to go to a psychiatrist, this makes me amazed and my mother no longer knows what to do with the children being beside themselves. I still believe in healing, but each day I feel that my case is incurable, I must be more patient, and I am in my limit. I hate myself for loving (b. n) that girl, I try to forget her, but I cannot, this worries me even more. The relationship with my father (b) and his family is worst, it is becoming unbearable; I cannot forgive him (n). I feel an unjustifiable hate (n) of many relatives and closest (b). I fear to be excused by another homeopath.7/12/2005I still have some trace of paranoia from what others think about me (b), for being very criticized or judged (b), this turned inside me a disturbance, they made erroneous diagnostic about me (b).
I become angry for the things that my brother tells me, my mouth become dry; I feel difficulty in breathing, with anguish. I become angry for not wanting to pass through this feeling, I want to hide but it is perceivable for everybody (b). Perhaps I have lost the focus (b) for other girls. Esthetic aspects confused my self esteem, for having acne and for have planned to be a football player and I did not. I tried to be a physical preparer and I cannot accomplish something in college. The football is my escape valve (b). If I eat chocolate acnes appears. I am worried about my improvement.
I must lead my life, my way (b), nobody changes anyone. I suspected that somebody is saying something about me, he is analyzing me (b), as if I am the center of the attentions of the world. I am only a grain of sand, but someone is observing (b). I finish calling more attention wearing dark eyeglasses in closed places. If you keep hurt (b, n) you cannot look at face (b). My father and my brother insist that this treatment is not improving me and they hurt me, everyone have his way (b).; I feel a discomfort in the middle of the people (b).
Calc-n 30 C(I began to see that he has a nitricum side, but I did know which compound was his medicine).Emailed at 31/3/2006
I am better, talkative and enthusiastic, calm and perspicacious, but something bad still remains, I feel a fidget in the eyes when I talk. I believe we are on the correct way (b). Yesterday I had a misunderstanding with my brother and for the first time I did not keep hurt, I think that both took off something of good. I am more capable, more willing to go and see the people (b). Something stoped me (b), I became vulnerable and annoyed with those home. I could not run away from this hell. The harmful and inopportune commentaries really bother me (b), still I load a lot of resentments (n). I bought a notebook, but don’t give value (b) to material object. Although I am very optimistic and dreamy I canot hide my interior pain (b), I don’t tolerate mercy, it brings me more rancorous (n).
I suffer in silent (b). Thank be to God I have an excellent memory and is easy for me to express, I hope to facilitate the process (n) in the search of my cure. I had a crisis of ulcer, blood in saliva (n). I had hives when I made physical exercises or when I was euphoric, afflicted, anxious.
Bar-n 30 ch22/11/2006I continue with the same lack of enthusiasm to live (b), much stopped at home (b).
I cannot maintain a good level in the school, now I will try another route (b); I wanted to leave this environment, I left the family of hand, I am very rancorous, I take everything to iron and fire, I am very intolerant of contradiction (n), I want to impose my skill any way, run over others; I am very egoistic for my unbalance (b). Let’s see whether my body helps to enter in rhythm, in track (b), syntonizing me (kali-c). I fear high places if don’t know about risks. I risked a lot running in motorcycle; I trust my reflexions (bell). I wake up wanting to leave, cycle, run, but I cannot (b). I don’t like routine (hell) morning; I don’t like to be home. Then I have a sensation of death, eructation, uneasy in abdomen, tachycardia, fear of cardiac attack; I am very worried about other people's opinion (b). I wake up at the middle of the night, at 5 h, I drink water and I bind the TV. Sometimes I wake up lacking air, I seek air, as I am drowning me. When I am going to sleep l almost choke with saliva (THROAT - CHOKING - sleep - going you sleep; on - agg. - saliva, from epil.c1). I cannot relax, I want to be always alert. I speak before my brain thinks; I change words when I go to speak.
Cob-n 200 cEmailedI lost my autonomy of being (b), the variations continue. Some days I wake up lightly and talkatively, other days sadly, weightily and arrogantly. I tried to install a race method to recoup my physical form, unhappily my mind did not allow. I want to know your opinion about my desire to process (n) the psychiatrist who diagnosed me mistakenly. The past insists leaving me overwhelming, I must stop being neurotic or I will be crazy. I am in low level, the environment is very bad, my mother suffocates (acon) me with excesses (b) of protection (zinc-m). The system of the chief / father (b) runs away of my principles, my values and ideals (b). I keep resentments (n) of my father (b) and my brother (n), I am sad for my mother to be victim (n) and not have minimum of understanding to help me. I feel myself badly for being contaminated by the installed discord, the forgiveness would have to prevail (n).
I know it is a mistake feel myself victim (n) of the circumstances. A look is enough to detect that my father (n) considers my behaviors and thoughts (b) nonsense, as I am a psychotic who runs away from reality (b), he says things as: “put your feet on the soil”. My brother is a madman with ridiculous justifications (b) for a rational being, he disturbes my individual space (b), interferes in my personal life (b) destroying my friendships (n), creating infernal environment, indeed nobody never respected my space (n).
Reading and studying again this case I saw that many symptoms belong to Nitricums (nit-ac), and others to Beryl (“Let’s see whether my body helps to enter in rhythm, in track”), so I decided to prescribe Beryllium nitricum. Unhappily it is a medicine without pathogenesis.
Emailed.
I took Beryllium nitricum 30 CH at 10/5/2007.
I woke up more made use, more light, my libido improved. Small resentments remained with my father for he did know educate me and my brother for malicious commentaries (b), but nothing that disturbs the familiarity. I felt better each day. Little by little I am retaking my autonomy and spontaneity. I am less anxious and feeling an extra vigor in the morning when I run. I started to leave my house with disarmed, relaxed spirit. They appeared hives which itchs when I begin exercises, when I feel strong emotion, as fright, surprise, anger, disaffection.One month laterI am calmer, less anxious, interacting more with family.This medicine really had a favorable reply different of all others that I took. I am not imprisoned in house, I am running daily, cycling. I am in full recovery, thankful for opening this door in my life, before I was depleted, at limit.Emailed at 6/6/2007I took Beryllium nitricum 200 C.
I woke up with an enviable disposition! Before, I discharged all my frustration on the house staff (zincum). Now I am lighter, less anxious, and less tense. I must exercise my spiritual side. I want to improve my cognitive side, to study about sportive or orthopedic medicine, about something in the area of football. As second option I want to study about sportive journalism, because of my easiness to describe important facts and events, as third option something related with computer science. In my period of introspection I learned much about data processing.
I moved away from the cybernetic world, I want to forget my troubled past and think about a promising future. I am aware of wonderful evolution in the physical side. The somatic symptoms do not scare me more, the chills and the tachycardia when leaving house had disappeared. The emotional side still unbalances me, paralyzes me a little in spite of my efforts.
Already I perceive a light at the end of the tunnel. The physical improvement was of 70%. I want to socialize integrally. I am impressed, the reply in the last week was vehement, and I hope to evolve more.
I am regaining confidence, without neurosis and paranoia, more centered in the objectives that I intend to reach. My dream is to reestablish me integrally and in balanced way, putting the theory in the practice. I feel only a small discomfort for being in a new situation, but it seems normal for having last as much time without an effective sociability with the people and the world. I have an athletically body again. Today I went at the dentist and I felt a little uncomfortable, but without that sudden and fatal adrenalin in the bloodstream.
I read in a site of Homeopathic that the symptoms that I had after the medicine cannot have been a viral infection as I thought, but only an organic detoxification, that wanted to knock down me. Everything started with a diarrhea and fever not very high that passed in minutes, with red and rounded eruptions in abdomen, dark urine with a different odor and dark feces. I hope to get rid for ever from the reasons and the baseless worries that had leaded me nothing. The hives disappeared.
I dreamed with brother falling in a mud (iod) or something like and already I passed for this. I must be valued (b, pall, calc-s) in all aspects, I hope to cure my wounded pride.Emailed at 20/7/2007Beryllium nitricum 1000 C directly reached my soul.
Still I am having some falls, but I am more sagacious and secure. When adverse reactions in my behavior occur I am not so rebellious, I face them with certain tranquility and good mood. The relation with my father tends to improve with the time. When I try an approach with him it is perceivable that his nervous system cannot control. In the beginning I also was thus when I was next to him. This question is tricky; both idealize and project the father and the ideal son. I prevented the boycotting of closer relatives exercising the patience. I know that I beat emotionally my father with vehemence, we only have dialogues about football and I must understand that he absorbed an erroneous culture in his creation and passed unconsciously ahead.Emailed at 6/10/2007Nowadays I understand that my wicked commentaries were clear evidences of my emotional unbalance, so they crated envy and grudge. It is difficult to accept the reality which is hindering me to forget them and consequently to grow and develop. I had evolution about my behavior in the social environment, today I was visited by two childhood friends. Already I can release me of this cobweb that my mind made. Before I stayed locked and rebelled in the room (bar-c), but today I was there with them, even though half strange (lyc, bar-c) and freighted, as a wild animal. I don’t accept this social atrophy, it is not normal.
My head was aching. After I took Beryllium Nitricum 1 M I closed my eyes and I felt light. I made movements before with certain apathy. Really this medicine is my means of exit; I have no doubts. Due to my isolation I am imprisoned to a platonic feeling of infancy, I must follow the life and leave things happing naturally. I will conquer new spaces, study, raise my professional career and structuralize my personal life. My physical condition is spectacular, my body is athletic and ready for football. The relationship with my brother is blander; already in part I could forgive him regarding his frivolous judgments and commentaries. Homeopathy made me to have hope. Sporadically I have had the behavior of a child that jumps, cries out and dances, but for me that is a good signal!
I had a nightmare with my relatives, I reacted as an autistic boy who cannot adapt himself to social conviviality, this is my bigger complaint;
The life is wonderful and I cannot fight against it, being a hostage of unconscious. My escape valve made me narrowminded and for this I was stigmatized as problematic one. It is impossible to live in an isolated island (phos), I gave much importance to common sense and I am tired of my alienated life.Emailed at 9/1/2008Beryllium nitricum pushed me to a self reflection and revived my plans of life. Sometimes appears a continuous flow of positive emotions, of optimism and faith in the life. As soon as I absorb a globule of the medicine a feel considerable change in my mood that makes me to remember the times of my wonderful childhood. My physical vigor has increased. I wait to come back to the social conviviality of mild form.Emailed at 24/1/2008My generosity is emerging; this makes me remember good moments of life. I am smiling again; my look already does not transmit as much sadness as before. I am a little astonished walking in the streets of neighborhood, it seems as if I am trying to adapt to the environment where I always lived. I am enthusiastic about the positive signals. This week during the morning race I felt a weakness in the legs, it is different of the sensation of impending death, it came with a sensation of welfare that I did not feel long ago. The improvement is so effective that even the ecstasy which comes together improved too.
I jested with my family, it seems as I smoked marijuana, but I never smoked it. When I was twelve years old I tried normal cigarette and I choked, never more I put cigarette in my mouth. I am very happy taking conscience through my dreams. Days ago I dreamed with my platonic love a quite different way. We were only good friends together with my cousins, with the possibility to be well with another woman and establish an authentic steady emotional life. Some comedones had appeared on my face, but nothing frightful as they were before.
My difficulty to look at in the eyes of the people improved considerably. My existential crisis and revolt came from outside, I rebelled myself first against the society and later against my family. I am more accessible with them. Today I could to prove my evolution. It has happened serious quarrels with my brother and my father, before I became angry for a while, but now only for some minutes. I talked normally with them without resentment. Now I am conscious that my father, my brother and my mother are my best friends.
Already I do not feel palpitations, excessive sweating and abdominal discomfort breathing when I leave my house. Still it bothers me a light difficulty to look at in the eyes of the people and the clear restlessness facing the reveries of life expressed on the face.
In the last days I begun a harmonic process with my family, I hope soon to be apt live together with the social environment normally.Emailed at 3/9/2008I left my pride aside and I am going to my a appointment with my parents. Soon I am going to reach the interior peace. Thinks to be to God I am again on the way to light. The comedones still appear, but they heal faster, they do not bother me. The esthetic problem now is not so important. I left to suffer for that girl; I am seeing good perspectives to conquer another one. Before it had difficulty to feel my pulse, now I feel it even in the tips of fingers. I have to leave aside what people will think about me and go ahead and have my goals (lyc).
The evidences made me more confident putting in practice my ideals. I am happy because Homeopathy provides me this quality of life.
I am better of the social phobia, I am not so anxious leaving my house and staying among the people. The motion of my joints (calc-f at the + pole) are unquestionable. I must to keep me in an intense interaction with the public, even being a strange one. It seems as if I had created my universe aside from everything (stram), but I believe that nobody is actually normal.
Sometimes in my house comes a positive flow and I became very lively and begin to dance in front of the mirror making fortuitous motions. This is my real I and I am sure that it is a positive effects of Beryllium nitricum 2000 C.
Dream of the patient: “I had a nightmare with my relatives, I reacted as an autistic boy who cannot adapt himself to social conviviality, this is my bigger complaint.
I dreamed that I was driving cars. Reading about these dreams I perceived that the fear to drive only happens with demanding and detailed people who never want to be reticulated about wrongs made in public and there is a direct relation with difficulty to manage his own life.
I am trying to adapt me to the environmente where I always lived (Curative symptom).Statements of the patient which may be attributed to the element Beryllium in the compound. I have acnes in my face in the form of cysts. The determining factor of my problem is not having a social life, I am still inside the home, broken, and I do not have enthusiasm to live. Social activities like to buy bread I make as it were for the first time. I am as an anti-social person who tries to adapt to the community, but I miss it. It is hard for me to adapt to social life, I must recover my self-confidence to learn to deal with it. I don’t grow up; I do not take part to the things of life. When I was a child I was ashamed to wear only underpants close to others (tub). I do not know what my ability, a sensation of powerlessness. I try remaining well with me to achieve something in life, let us see whether my body aids to enter the rhythm, on the trail, if it helps me tune.
I cannot react; I could try another course in the history of my life. The prejudice of society pains me as some family members on what is happening with me, this frigidity of character, this moral weakness, my naivety, this fear of responsibilities. The things at home are analyzed superficially, I am meager, revolted, I am very intolerant with the swearwords of my brother, I am wrong with life. I must take my life in my own way, I feel uncomfortable in the midst of the people. I hate be criticized unfairly, about things that I hear of the people of my co-existence. I lost the focus. My mood is distorted. I only canalize my energies for bad things. I must stabilize. I do not have a escape valve. We cannot demand a pattern of other, each one is who he is. My affection is suppressed.
I've kept resentment of my father because he did not know how to educate me and of my brother because his malicious comments. I become sad because my mother is a victim; she does not have the minimum of understanding to help me. I remain fixed in thoughts that do not lead me to nothing. I have tried deleting that obscure and anguishing past, but I could not. I am wrong by being contaminated by discord, where should prevail forgiveness.
A look is enough to see that my old (father) finds absurd my behavior and thoughts, as if I were a psychotic escaping from reality. He tells me things such as: "put the feet on the floor". My brother is an alienated with his ridiculous justifications for a rational being. As it were not enough he disrupt my space. He meddles in my life wasting my friendships, creating a hellish climate. In fact no one has ever respected my space.
I hope and I am enthused with the possibility to take back the motivation to live and able to make my personal and professional projects in a way mild and calm, both in relation to me and other. I am concerned with my improvement, but I believe that we are right in relation to my treatment. I am impeded to do the activities of the day; I am despondent, arrested within me. Inside home I feel some comfort, but just I leave that appears discomfort.
I wake up wanting to leave, cycle, run, but I cannot do, I am physical and mental exhausted, I am lazy to go out. I like to be free. My willingness to carry things is so much that I stop the natural procedure of my life.
I miss of life, I wish my place under the sun, I will not be only an adjuvant player, I don’t know to be passive. I would like to live with people more open to dialog, but the sociability is a torture.
I don’t go out; I remained more with me, closed too. I am unobtrusive; I don’t talk about my life for others. I hate being looked at, but I was always looking at things.
I want to wear dark glasses in the classroom, as if the others could see something wrong in my eyes (bar-act).
I suspect that someone is telling this or that about me, analyzing me. I cannot look at the face, unless the other does not know anything about me.
I had the classic crises of panic trouble, my heart beat stronger, I lacked air, much anguish. They were fast; they came without any reason (acon, kali-ar). They happen when I am criticized, judged, questioned about my life. I cannot take a joke.
I am worry about other’s opinion; I feel badly when you judge me without knowing what is happen about me, if you make wrong diagnosis about my person.
I am only a grain of sand, but someone observe, I cannot hide the interior pain. I hide my feelings, but they are clear to everybody. I am ashamed of me not having a social life. I have social phobia.
I would like to see the life with other eyes. I perceive what others do not see. I am not free to look people. My image reflects very different from that I am. I don´t allow others enter my life (cycl), they invade my privacy. I never invade the intimate of nobody. Actually nobody has ever respected my space.
The lack of objective affects my self esteem, I cannot initiate. I want to be well with my family, with the most attached, but I don’t know what to do.
I have much love to give. I cannot get a partner appropriate to my profile. I must divide my weakness, I live seeking a partner in the virtual world. She never knew that I was there. I never was loved. I am ashamed to demonstrate my feelings; I believe that nobody understands me (stram). I am afraid not get a girlfriend because I don’t have a normal social life. I satisfy myself seeing videos and photos, the real sex is better.
I try to be self-sufficient. I know defending myself very well. I am not a promise as a scholarly of football, I am a reality.
I seek a quality of stable life. In childhood I was totally open, I live well with everybody (beryl in + pole), I was very attached with my parents.
My mother suffocate (acon) me with her excesses of protection (zinc-m), I am sorry because she is a victim and does not have a minimum of understanding to help me. My father helps me pay the treatment.
I don´t valorize material things. The system of the chief (my father) runs away completely of my principles, of my values and ideals. Statements of the patient which may be attributed to the ion Nitricum (NO3−) in the compound. I am wrong because I am contaminated by discord, where the forgiveness should prevail. I've kept things that I do not need, I have resentment of my father because he didn’t know educating me, I cannot forgive him, and my brother because he made malicious comments which created a hellish climate in my life. I don’t desire this for my greatest enemy.
I feel a hate unjustifiable against many relatives and closer people. I have left the family of hand, I am very grudging, very intolerant of contradiction, and I take everything to iron and fire. The past insists to distress me.
It is hard to me forgetting the bad events of this traumatic past, which hurt my heart. To be criticized unfairly spleen me. If someone insists I could not forgive. I remain in the virtual life because of traumas of the past caused by suffering and constraints, they destroyed my self esteem.
I cannot solve my problems in the curt. I want to know your opinion about my desire to process the psychiatrist who diagnosed me mistakenly.
What I want I persevere. I have a very large heart, an integrate character. I hate be touched, I do not support that you pity me. I was a victim.From his history which is very long I took the following symptoms.Expressions
Fear: social phobia, of reproached / censured, of being ridiculed, of his condition being observed, of being excluded, of going out, of streets, of strangers, of unknown, of crowds in street, of embracing life, of future, of failure, of coition from anxiety, of disease, of disease of heart, of suffocation, of sudden (panic attacks, overpowering), of cancer, of apoplexy, of losing support of the doctor, of will not have a partner, of will no study (ped a1), of being neglected / rejected, of being alone, of driving a car, of insanity, of unconsciousness (alum, alumn), of opinion of others, of poverty, of responsibility, of falling from high places, of birds, death, of dark, of monsters, of authority, of to give criticism, of hurting others, fear with weary of life, fear with palpitation, fear of a process, fear causeless.
Dreams: being a professional football player, married with my platonic love, with friends of childhood (calc-p).
Mental and Mood: timid, timid about appearing in public (coldness of abdomen), bashful, uncertain, indecisive, -amel. and agg. support, listless, meaningless, gloomy, childish behavior, discouraged, cowardice, contemptuous, contemptuous of life, contemptuous of self, discontented, discontented with himself, doubtful, doubtful of recovery, helplessness, forsaken feeling, indifference to loved ones,
want self confidence, mental insecurity, excluded from life, cannot bear to be looked at, without place, difficult defining his own place, sensitive to criticism, presence of strangers agg., sympathetic, benevolence, vulnerable, undertaking: he would rather evade a problem than face it, abrupt, anger from contraction, anger easily, anger at trifles, anger violent, anguish, anguish preventing respiration, anxiety extreme, anxiety about one’s own health, anxiety with impeded respiration, aversion to certain persons, beside oneself, disposition to contradict, contrary, euphoria. Irritability from trifles, jealousy, lamenting, laziness, despising life, litigious, aversion to live, needs for love, malicious / resentment, misanthropy, mocking, mood changeable, repulsive, morose, morose with oneself, morose weeping amel. obstinate, offended easily, perseverance, optimistic, pessimist, ability for philosophy, pities herself, quiet disposition, rage, power of reason increased, remorse, reproaching others, reserved, resignation, complains of respiration agg. from mental symptoms, internal restlessness, rudeness, sadness with anger, sadness anxious, sadness about disease, sadness gloomy, sadness after midnight on waking at 5 h, secretive, selfishness, sensitive to external impressions, sensitive to noise, sensitive to touch, sighing, disposition to slander, disagreeable thoughts, persistent, tormenting, aversion to be touched, trifles seem important, feels unfortunate, vivacious, wearisome, weary of life, weeping amel., loss of will power, prostration of mind, wretched, refusing to take the medicine, making verses, sentimental, love-sick, hypochondriasis, curious, yearning for peace, desire for harmony, powerless, always look at the things, company agg., Inside home I have certain comfort, but if I leave it discomfort appears, carried by music (anh), cheerful from music, cry from music, desires to play drums, guitar,
Delusions: criticized, diminished, forsaken, hindered, error of personal identity, being laughed and mocked, lost, misunderstood, expects to be reproved, contraction of space, being watched, he is worthless, friendless, inferiority, one is about to die, thinks he is going to suffocate, that somebody would come to catch me,
Religious: magic.
Causes: neglect, abuse, domination of parents, absent parents, addicted or weak, loss of parents and protectors, reproaches, anger, cares, contradiction, betrayed, disappointed love, emotions, loss of friends, disappointed love, mortification, being offended, unhappiness.GeneralsBuild: thin.
Locality: left.
Weather: warm agg., too hot, warm blooded, amel. cloudy weather; amel. fresh air, sea, moonlight amel., sunlight amel.
Perspiration: abdomen, thorax.
Time: forenoon amel., afternoon agg., after eating (weariness)
Desires: coffee, tomato, farinaceous, fried potatoes, corn foods.
Aversion: vegetables, milk.
Food: agg., coffee (headache, palpitation).
Clothing: pressure amel.
Sleep: good, on the right side, waking at 5 h.
Physical: exertion amel., motion amel. rapid, desire for motion, touch agg., weakness, weariness, rubbing amel., tired, lack of energy.
Complaints
Head: headaches, headache accompanied by pain in stomach, headache from strong odors, headache amel. by cold applications, coldness of head.
Mouth: dryness from excitement, anxiety.
Throat: choking swallowing pills (lyss), swallowing food from anxiety, on going to sleep from saliva.
External throat: tension.
Neck: stiffness, tension as if carries a burden (tab).
Stomach: want of appetite during sadness, respiration impeded during bad thoughts, nausea from odors, thirst extreme.
Abdomen: pains, as if bloated, as if the food is not moving, pressing against diaphragm, and coldness of abdomen.
Respiration: difficult, inspiration, impeded, attacks of suffocation, hyperventilation, I have difficult respiration when it comes a bad thought, I thought I would stop to breathe, then I will to die, it came morning more, I seated erect. It did not last more than five minutes.
Chest: palpitation from anxiety.
Male: quick ejaculation with anxiety.
Back: tension (cervical region).
Skin: face – greasy cheeks (hydr, nat-m, sumb), acne cystic (nit-ac, adam mlx), cicatrices from eruptions, urticaria / hives, eruptions itching from euphoria.
mlx = carlos lima melo
Man, 21 years, student. 6/9/2005
b = symptoms (Beryllium metallicum).
n = symptoms (Nitricum).I am discouraged (b) due traumas (n) that had happened in my life (b). They hindered me to make the everyday activities, because I had acnes in form of cysts (n, b). The acnes deformed my face and left scars (mez). I took “Isotretinoin”, I improved and I came back to the active. I could not leave my house because people looked at me (b), I did not wait for that. I am very vain. I became indignant because they appeased me saying that it was a transitory thing. I lost too much, but I also learned to be more with me (b). I am a home loving (b); I do not go to bars.
When I was 14 years old the acnes came back, I treated again. I never imagined that I would arrive at the point to escape from life (b); I made this because they do not ask me what it (b) is. I am very discrete, I do not like talking about my life, my dreams. I remained myself in the virtual life (b) because of the acnes, I connect with (b) my friends (n) from Internet. When I improved I set meetings with girls, but they were not who I imagined.
I am unstable (b), the doctor advised me to look for a psychiatrist. He said I had schizophrenia and he prescribed me a remedy that was in research. Then I entered in the college of physical education and I started to read about the subject, I discovered that the medicine affected the cerebellum and I decided to stop.
TELL MORE ABOUT YOUR NATURE, WHO ARE YOU? I am a sentimental. I have a strong temper. I need very clear explanations (camph) for everything. I have a clean character, hardly am I wrong. I fight for dignity, respect, love, without this you are nothing. I want to see what others do not see (b).
I invested a lot in a crush of my childhood, I tried to conquer her through my verses, but she did not know that I existed. I do not accept to be betrayed (hyos). I am monogamous, faithful, and chaste, I only kissed once in the mouth.
It is difficult to keep me on balance (b). I am uncertain (b). I want to be well with the familiar ones and I do not do. I am perseverant (n). I am aggressive, mainly with the most attached. I always blame them for not know how to act, although they did not stop loving me. I bother when my father (b) tells that life is hard for spineless people (b). I feel myself powerless (b) faced with diseases, I do not know what to do (b), I want to heal my self, but I do not do.
I feel stiffness in the nape of the neck. I am always beating on it. I also feel a discomfort in the temples and I put the hand there.
I think about football during the twenty four hours of the day, I almost had the chance to be a professional.
Although I have friends (phosphoricums, nitricums), they are very important to me (sars, mag-m), they are always calling me, asking how am I thus, I am jealousy for my friends, nevertheless my brother takes most of them.
TELL ABOUT YOUR DREAMS - I always dream with a girl, I am sorry because now she is with another man.
CHILDHOOD AND ADOLESCENCE - I played puzzle, videogame (chin), and ball in the street. I feared the dark. I imagined monsters, animals. I cried too much. I was not sulk. I was extroverted (b in + pole), I did not have problems with anybody (n in + pole). In the teenager I started to separate the people who I talked (b, n). I started to read about Homeopathy and I knew that it treats not only the illness, but the individual too. Perhaps my illness does not have cure (n).
DESCRIBES YOUR IDEAL WORLD – A world with mind opened people and dialogue (b in p +, mang). They do not see only the esthetic aspect, but the interior (b), the goodness (n) of people. If you see face you do not see heart. My image reflects a lot of different things of what I am (Scholten says that Beryl “does not know who he is”).
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL LIVING IN THIS WORLD? I would not think about their opinion about me, I would feel more free to look at them (b), I would not be naive (b), I would not be imagining the evilness that they could make (dros).
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE IN IT? I would play football as a professional. If I was a football player I would not be here, without football I cannot live.
HOW YOU WOULD FEEL IF YOU HAVE TO LEAVE IT? Very sad, I would try to come back as fast as possible.
WHAT DO YOU LOSE FOR LEAVING IT? I lose happiness (op, ph-ac), peace (bry), harmony (mang) among body, emotion and mind, the quality of a well steady life (b).GENERAL CHARACTERISTICS: Thin, average height, left side (cramps).
TELL ABOUT YOUR REACTS TO WEATHER – I prefer the cold weather (b), the rain. The heat bothers me more (b). As a poet I like the moonlight (ant-c).
HOW DO YOU PREFER YOUR BATH? – Hot in the past, but cold now.
IN WHAT PARTS OF YOUR BODY YOU PERSPIRE MORE? I perspire more on the abdomen and chest.
AT WHAT HOURS OF THE DAY YOU FEEL YOURSELF MORE DISCOURAGED? – I feel discouraged at the forenoon.
HOW IS YOUR THIRST AND ARE YOUR DESIRES TO EAT? I am thirsty. I like corn-made food, coffee (3), farinaceous, barbecue, fried potato (cob-n), tomato.
WHAT DO YOU DOES NOT LIKE TO EAT? WHAT FOOD MADE YOU FEEL BAD? I do not like vegetables, beet, okra, cabbage, and the fruit of Solanum gilo (It is very bitter). I have headache when I drink too much coffee. (He pointed to the last point of the stomach acupuncture way at the anterior edge of the scalp, over the temple).
TELL ABOUT YOUR SLEEP – I sleep on the right side, first I cover me, but after I uncover. I am calm in the darkness. In the past I thought someone would come to catch me. I was always looking things around me (b).
WHAT MODIFICATES YOUR HEALTH? If you judge me without knowing what is passing with me (b).
HOW DO YOU FEEL IN FACE OF PAIN, ILLNESS, SUFFERING? I feel impotent (b), I do not know what to do (b). I want to improve, but I can’t. My intestine works as a clock. I have difficulty in breathing when I have a bad thought, I think I will stop to breathe and die. It comes more often during the mornings, then I seat erect. It do not last more than five minutes.
My ejaculation is too quick (zincums), it make me anxious. My cheeks are very greasy.
I am insecure (b) for having attempt homeopathic treatment two years ago without result. I wish passions more clear and defined (camph), to be more flexible, the desires more easy to reach, without being material.
Hydr 200 c(I was very doubtful about the prescription and I asked him a report, which he emailed).I did not stabilize (b) my mood. I kept inside of me (b), tried to be self-sufficient (b), but I did not. I have certain comfort inside home, but if I leave the discomfort appears (b), company is a torture (b).
Childhood: during it I was very ashamed to be with underwear near others (tub). I was a glue with my parents and very intolerant with my brother’s mockery.
In the school I was introverted (b), but in the playground I was extroverted. I feared the dark, the birds and to be alone. My mother put me in a crèche, it was unbearable. I hate milk until now. My father thought that acnes were if scabies, you were born with them. I started to play football when I was seven years old, but I thought that I would be a player only when I turned seventeen years old. I remember of my first goal, I almost died of emotion. Unhappily my father (b) was not present, it was a frustration, despite that he likes football very much. I ran and I never felt fatigue. I imagined me an adult without esthetic defect. My father preferred to beat me. I was never praised by him, but by others. I liked to divide everything with my friends and brother (n).
I do not bear that others interfere in my life (b). I am very sensible when I talk with a women or when I am with my dogs. The acnes destroyed my self esteem (b).
Mental effort tires me, but to reflect and write about my thoughts brings me calm and increases my self esteem. I hate to be looked at (b) and touched (n), but during a special moment by a special woman, then everything becomes magical (b). I do not see terror films. I cannot stand strong smells or much disorder. I hate crowded places. I love music. I rebelled against intrigue. I was a victim (n). Faced with strong emotions I cannot hold tears. I hate extreme mercy, everyone must have common-sense, and nobody wants to be miserable for the whole life, even if that someone is suffering. My mood is distorted (b), it varies a lot, and my joy is linked to football. They have said that I am depressive without solution. I feel myself despaired by to have as much love to give (n) and I cannot have a partner with my profile which makes me see life with other eyes (b). I exaggerate in the virtual (b) search that is very superficial. I feel myself arrested (b) to cruel signs of the past (n) and imperfect in front of my plans of life and my dreams. I waited to find a pretty girl, to flirt, to marry and to have children (ox-ac, muriaticums), but when I think about this it comes anguish, loss and hurt. I always dreamed to gain a good money and to have a comfortable life, to conquer, to love a soul, an exclusive feminine body for the whole life (ant-cr, til). Sometimes I have perverse thoughts and intense sexual desires that do not agree with love. I am pleased with videos and photos. It is clearly that the real sex is better, but I fear my anxiety that makes sex be a problem. I am not a promise as an expert about football; I am a reality (b). The ball is like the air that makes me live. I like freedom (b), I am half irresponsible (med), but I am conscientious. I am sufficiently demanding, I hate (n) pragmatism and accuracy. I love to philosophize, to understand the love (phosphoricums). I believe that my will to carry through is as great that I finish hindering the natural procedure of the things in my life (b). I suffer with jokes. I always respected stranger and I never invaded the soul of nobody (b, cycl). I see myself as an antisocial one trying to adjust the community (b). My affectivity always was a secret (b), when it will be discovered (b) I will not deny it. I feel myself badly for failing, but I do not feel shame therefore, I am a man of honest character (n). I look for to make what I find correct and not what the others say to me. I hate when they compare romanticism with homosexuality, as much stupidity (cic, nux-v) as intolerable. When I was well, I established strong bows of friendships (n), they worry about me and they touched themselves that I don’t like that they invade my privacy (b).
I have hobbies as to take coffee passing the hand in the hair, smoothing my head with the fingers, it comforts me. When I was a little child I had the habit to be turning a diaper on hair to fell the head cool. I always wear the shirt inwards.
My libido is very strong; the blond girls touch me seriously. I desire young women; I cannot enjoy them, and only masturbating me and this turned a dilemma. I don’t like monotony (hell), nearly always I create something different to satisfy me sexually. I have crises when they observe me or they question me (b), everyone has their own life history (b) and genetics (b) that favors a few and others dost sicken.
I have resentment (n) of things that I listen from people (b) who lives together. I did not like to look at for the people (b, bar-act). If you hurts me deeply It is hard for me to forgive (n), except if you know nothing about me (b) very clear. I have shame to demonstrate my feelings (b) because people think I am gay. I think that nobody understands me (stram). I am very attached to dogs. I play with them when I am not well in life (b). The dogs are faithful (stram). They are there all the time, do not hurt you. They are interesting company. I talk and play with them (stram), but I mock (chin) them too. I had sleeplessness due cares.
Stram 200 CEmailed.I must learn to deal with the divergences (syph). The world is composed of imperfect beings. My main complaint is because I did not preserve my reputation (kali-br). The hatred (n) is poisoning my soul. I have lost (b) my calm.14/11/2005I want to say a thing and say another one. I stay at home with laziness, I leave to play ball, but I am discouraged (b) to go to court (n) to decide my problems.
I miss the community, I do not grow up, I do not participate of things of life (b); I fear I will not get a girlfriend for not having a normal social life (b). Unhappily I am worse; I feel a great difficulty to leave home. My father wants me to go to a psychiatrist, this makes me amazed and my mother no longer knows what to do with the children being beside themselves. I still believe in healing, but each day I feel that my case is incurable, I must be more patient, and I am in my limit. I hate myself for loving (b. n) that girl, I try to forget her, but I cannot, this worries me even more. The relationship with my father (b) and his family is worst, it is becoming unbearable; I cannot forgive him (n). I feel an unjustifiable hate (n) of many relatives and closest (b). I fear to be excused by another homeopath.7/12/2005I still have some trace of paranoia from what others think about me (b), for being very criticized or judged (b), this turned inside me a disturbance, they made erroneous diagnostic about me (b).
I become angry for the things that my brother tells me, my mouth become dry; I feel difficulty in breathing, with anguish. I become angry for not wanting to pass through this feeling, I want to hide but it is perceivable for everybody (b). Perhaps I have lost the focus (b) for other girls. Esthetic aspects confused my self esteem, for having acne and for have planned to be a football player and I did not. I tried to be a physical preparer and I cannot accomplish something in college. The football is my escape valve (b). If I eat chocolate acnes appears. I am worried about my improvement.
I must lead my life, my way (b), nobody changes anyone. I suspected that somebody is saying something about me, he is analyzing me (b), as if I am the center of the attentions of the world. I am only a grain of sand, but someone is observing (b). I finish calling more attention wearing dark eyeglasses in closed places. If you keep hurt (b, n) you cannot look at face (b). My father and my brother insist that this treatment is not improving me and they hurt me, everyone have his way (b).; I feel a discomfort in the middle of the people (b).
Calc-n 30 C(I began to see that he has a nitricum side, but I did know which compound was his medicine).Emailed at 31/3/2006
I am better, talkative and enthusiastic, calm and perspicacious, but something bad still remains, I feel a fidget in the eyes when I talk. I believe we are on the correct way (b). Yesterday I had a misunderstanding with my brother and for the first time I did not keep hurt, I think that both took off something of good. I am more capable, more willing to go and see the people (b). Something stoped me (b), I became vulnerable and annoyed with those home. I could not run away from this hell. The harmful and inopportune commentaries really bother me (b), still I load a lot of resentments (n). I bought a notebook, but don’t give value (b) to material object. Although I am very optimistic and dreamy I canot hide my interior pain (b), I don’t tolerate mercy, it brings me more rancorous (n).
I suffer in silent (b). Thank be to God I have an excellent memory and is easy for me to express, I hope to facilitate the process (n) in the search of my cure. I had a crisis of ulcer, blood in saliva (n). I had hives when I made physical exercises or when I was euphoric, afflicted, anxious.
Bar-n 30 ch22/11/2006I continue with the same lack of enthusiasm to live (b), much stopped at home (b).
I cannot maintain a good level in the school, now I will try another route (b); I wanted to leave this environment, I left the family of hand, I am very rancorous, I take everything to iron and fire, I am very intolerant of contradiction (n), I want to impose my skill any way, run over others; I am very egoistic for my unbalance (b). Let’s see whether my body helps to enter in rhythm, in track (b), syntonizing me (kali-c). I fear high places if don’t know about risks. I risked a lot running in motorcycle; I trust my reflexions (bell). I wake up wanting to leave, cycle, run, but I cannot (b). I don’t like routine (hell) morning; I don’t like to be home. Then I have a sensation of death, eructation, uneasy in abdomen, tachycardia, fear of cardiac attack; I am very worried about other people's opinion (b). I wake up at the middle of the night, at 5 h, I drink water and I bind the TV. Sometimes I wake up lacking air, I seek air, as I am drowning me. When I am going to sleep l almost choke with saliva (THROAT - CHOKING - sleep - going you sleep; on - agg. - saliva, from epil.c1). I cannot relax, I want to be always alert. I speak before my brain thinks; I change words when I go to speak.
Cob-n 200 cEmailedI lost my autonomy of being (b), the variations continue. Some days I wake up lightly and talkatively, other days sadly, weightily and arrogantly. I tried to install a race method to recoup my physical form, unhappily my mind did not allow. I want to know your opinion about my desire to process (n) the psychiatrist who diagnosed me mistakenly. The past insists leaving me overwhelming, I must stop being neurotic or I will be crazy. I am in low level, the environment is very bad, my mother suffocates (acon) me with excesses (b) of protection (zinc-m). The system of the chief / father (b) runs away of my principles, my values and ideals (b). I keep resentments (n) of my father (b) and my brother (n), I am sad for my mother to be victim (n) and not have minimum of understanding to help me. I feel myself badly for being contaminated by the installed discord, the forgiveness would have to prevail (n).
I know it is a mistake feel myself victim (n) of the circumstances. A look is enough to detect that my father (n) considers my behaviors and thoughts (b) nonsense, as I am a psychotic who runs away from reality (b), he says things as: “put your feet on the soil”. My brother is a madman with ridiculous justifications (b) for a rational being, he disturbes my individual space (b), interferes in my personal life (b) destroying my friendships (n), creating infernal environment, indeed nobody never respected my space (n).
Reading and studying again this case I saw that many symptoms belong to Nitricums (nit-ac), and others to Beryl (“Let’s see whether my body helps to enter in rhythm, in track”), so I decided to prescribe Beryllium nitricum. Unhappily it is a medicine without pathogenesis.
Emailed.
I took Beryllium nitricum 30 CH at 10/5/2007.
I woke up more made use, more light, my libido improved. Small resentments remained with my father for he did know educate me and my brother for malicious commentaries (b), but nothing that disturbs the familiarity. I felt better each day. Little by little I am retaking my autonomy and spontaneity. I am less anxious and feeling an extra vigor in the morning when I run. I started to leave my house with disarmed, relaxed spirit. They appeared hives which itchs when I begin exercises, when I feel strong emotion, as fright, surprise, anger, disaffection.One month laterI am calmer, less anxious, interacting more with family.This medicine really had a favorable reply different of all others that I took. I am not imprisoned in house, I am running daily, cycling. I am in full recovery, thankful for opening this door in my life, before I was depleted, at limit.Emailed at 6/6/2007I took Beryllium nitricum 200 C.
I woke up with an enviable disposition! Before, I discharged all my frustration on the house staff (zincum). Now I am lighter, less anxious, and less tense. I must exercise my spiritual side. I want to improve my cognitive side, to study about sportive or orthopedic medicine, about something in the area of football. As second option I want to study about sportive journalism, because of my easiness to describe important facts and events, as third option something related with computer science. In my period of introspection I learned much about data processing.
I moved away from the cybernetic world, I want to forget my troubled past and think about a promising future. I am aware of wonderful evolution in the physical side. The somatic symptoms do not scare me more, the chills and the tachycardia when leaving house had disappeared. The emotional side still unbalances me, paralyzes me a little in spite of my efforts.
Already I perceive a light at the end of the tunnel. The physical improvement was of 70%. I want to socialize integrally. I am impressed, the reply in the last week was vehement, and I hope to evolve more.
I am regaining confidence, without neurosis and paranoia, more centered in the objectives that I intend to reach. My dream is to reestablish me integrally and in balanced way, putting the theory in the practice. I feel only a small discomfort for being in a new situation, but it seems normal for having last as much time without an effective sociability with the people and the world. I have an athletically body again. Today I went at the dentist and I felt a little uncomfortable, but without that sudden and fatal adrenalin in the bloodstream.
I read in a site of Homeopathic that the symptoms that I had after the medicine cannot have been a viral infection as I thought, but only an organic detoxification, that wanted to knock down me. Everything started with a diarrhea and fever not very high that passed in minutes, with red and rounded eruptions in abdomen, dark urine with a different odor and dark feces. I hope to get rid for ever from the reasons and the baseless worries that had leaded me nothing. The hives disappeared.
I dreamed with brother falling in a mud (iod) or something like and already I passed for this. I must be valued (b, pall, calc-s) in all aspects, I hope to cure my wounded pride.Emailed at 20/7/2007Beryllium nitricum 1000 C directly reached my soul.
Still I am having some falls, but I am more sagacious and secure. When adverse reactions in my behavior occur I am not so rebellious, I face them with certain tranquility and good mood. The relation with my father tends to improve with the time. When I try an approach with him it is perceivable that his nervous system cannot control. In the beginning I also was thus when I was next to him. This question is tricky; both idealize and project the father and the ideal son. I prevented the boycotting of closer relatives exercising the patience. I know that I beat emotionally my father with vehemence, we only have dialogues about football and I must understand that he absorbed an erroneous culture in his creation and passed unconsciously ahead.Emailed at 6/10/2007Nowadays I understand that my wicked commentaries were clear evidences of my emotional unbalance, so they crated envy and grudge. It is difficult to accept the reality which is hindering me to forget them and consequently to grow and develop. I had evolution about my behavior in the social environment, today I was visited by two childhood friends. Already I can release me of this cobweb that my mind made. Before I stayed locked and rebelled in the room (bar-c), but today I was there with them, even though half strange (lyc, bar-c) and freighted, as a wild animal. I don’t accept this social atrophy, it is not normal.
My head was aching. After I took Beryllium Nitricum 1 M I closed my eyes and I felt light. I made movements before with certain apathy. Really this medicine is my means of exit; I have no doubts. Due to my isolation I am imprisoned to a platonic feeling of infancy, I must follow the life and leave things happing naturally. I will conquer new spaces, study, raise my professional career and structuralize my personal life. My physical condition is spectacular, my body is athletic and ready for football. The relationship with my brother is blander; already in part I could forgive him regarding his frivolous judgments and commentaries. Homeopathy made me to have hope. Sporadically I have had the behavior of a child that jumps, cries out and dances, but for me that is a good signal!
I had a nightmare with my relatives, I reacted as an autistic boy who cannot adapt himself to social conviviality, this is my bigger complaint;
The life is wonderful and I cannot fight against it, being a hostage of unconscious. My escape valve made me narrowminded and for this I was stigmatized as problematic one. It is impossible to live in an isolated island (phos), I gave much importance to common sense and I am tired of my alienated life.Emailed at 9/1/2008Beryllium nitricum pushed me to a self reflection and revived my plans of life. Sometimes appears a continuous flow of positive emotions, of optimism and faith in the life. As soon as I absorb a globule of the medicine a feel considerable change in my mood that makes me to remember the times of my wonderful childhood. My physical vigor has increased. I wait to come back to the social conviviality of mild form.Emailed at 24/1/2008My generosity is emerging; this makes me remember good moments of life. I am smiling again; my look already does not transmit as much sadness as before. I am a little astonished walking in the streets of neighborhood, it seems as if I am trying to adapt to the environment where I always lived. I am enthusiastic about the positive signals. This week during the morning race I felt a weakness in the legs, it is different of the sensation of impending death, it came with a sensation of welfare that I did not feel long ago. The improvement is so effective that even the ecstasy which comes together improved too.
I jested with my family, it seems as I smoked marijuana, but I never smoked it. When I was twelve years old I tried normal cigarette and I choked, never more I put cigarette in my mouth. I am very happy taking conscience through my dreams. Days ago I dreamed with my platonic love a quite different way. We were only good friends together with my cousins, with the possibility to be well with another woman and establish an authentic steady emotional life. Some comedones had appeared on my face, but nothing frightful as they were before.
My difficulty to look at in the eyes of the people improved considerably. My existential crisis and revolt came from outside, I rebelled myself first against the society and later against my family. I am more accessible with them. Today I could to prove my evolution. It has happened serious quarrels with my brother and my father, before I became angry for a while, but now only for some minutes. I talked normally with them without resentment. Now I am conscious that my father, my brother and my mother are my best friends.
Already I do not feel palpitations, excessive sweating and abdominal discomfort breathing when I leave my house. Still it bothers me a light difficulty to look at in the eyes of the people and the clear restlessness facing the reveries of life expressed on the face.
In the last days I begun a harmonic process with my family, I hope soon to be apt live together with the social environment normally.Emailed at 3/9/2008I left my pride aside and I am going to my a appointment with my parents. Soon I am going to reach the interior peace. Thinks to be to God I am again on the way to light. The comedones still appear, but they heal faster, they do not bother me. The esthetic problem now is not so important. I left to suffer for that girl; I am seeing good perspectives to conquer another one. Before it had difficulty to feel my pulse, now I feel it even in the tips of fingers. I have to leave aside what people will think about me and go ahead and have my goals (lyc).
The evidences made me more confident putting in practice my ideals. I am happy because Homeopathy provides me this quality of life.
I am better of the social phobia, I am not so anxious leaving my house and staying among the people. The motion of my joints (calc-f at the + pole) are unquestionable. I must to keep me in an intense interaction with the public, even being a strange one. It seems as if I had created my universe aside from everything (stram), but I believe that nobody is actually normal.
Sometimes in my house comes a positive flow and I became very lively and begin to dance in front of the mirror making fortuitous motions. This is my real I and I am sure that it is a positive effects of Beryllium nitricum 2000 C.