Sense proving, 23-9-2021, Zell, Franz Swoboda.
Prover 1Looking for the right place: in the sun, on stones in front of the house.
"I come as your friend.""But you don't know me."
"I mean you no harm."
"Then what do you want from me?
"I mean you no harm."
"In any case, the beginning of our meeting was not pleasant for me."
"I want you to be well."
"I was until you discovered me."
"I want to appreciate you as an individual."
"I had no problem with that before you came for me."
"How can you want to be my friend when you were never my enemy? An enemy can become a friend. What's bad is when a friend becomes an enemy."
"Look, I come without weapons."
It is your words that you speak and your thoughts that you think."
"How do you know what I think?"
It makes no difference to me whether you speak or whether you think, I hear both."
"What would I have to do to become your friend?"
"You are strong, powerful, you cannot become my friend. Because you have to be afraid of the mighty and the strong. One is not afraid of a friend."
"Shall I make myself small? Should I submit to you?"
"No, you would have to see the world through my eyes."
"What does that mean? To live like you?"
It means not saying I need not be afraid, not saying I need to do this and that. You would have to understand my nature. You would have to learn to fear people, especially when they come as friends."
"How so?"
"They assume they can do anything if they come as friends. But it is much more honest to come as an
enemy, with shield and sword and sickle and fire. We know how to defend ourselves against that. If, on the other hand, a friend does something to you, you are inhibited from defending yourself. I fear the friend because I cannot defend myself against him, because I am not naturally on my guard against him. A friend can hurt me more than an enemy."
3. "What can I do to get closer to you?"
"That question sounds better already. Learn to read me without writing, learn to hear me without speaking, feel what I need. When people say 'I love you', they think everything is fine. But the promise they make, they have broken before they know it."
4. "What can I do to gain your trust?"
"Keep your distance. Keep the distance I need, not the one you think is right. Don't touch me unless I allow it. Touching scares me. Feel what I need and what I don't. You have to feel it before I say it, because when I say it, the fear has been there for a long time and it doesn't go away quickly. - Look, now someone is coming from diagonally behind us. He stops, and after a while he goes away. That doesn't scare me."
5. "It's like the sun. You don't know how much is good for me. You must not start from yourself."
"You want a friend who is just like you, you call someone like that a friend. But that is not friendship, that is self-praise. You don't dare say what you think is great about yourself, but if you praise the same quality in someone else - who wouldn't appreciate you for it?"
Mark now comes up from the garden, towards me, gives me a thumbs up, smiles, chooses the greatest possible distance to walk past me. This feels good.
"You can do it like that. Then we don't have to talk about friend/enemy, I don't have to be afraid of you. Again, openly show yourself as an enemy and we don't have a problem, at least I don't. Call yourself friend and I am defenceless. That's scary, you understand that, don't you?
Now you have listened to me, not immediately raised a new question to which you only want to hear one answer, namely the one that strengthens you in your will. That is a beginning."
6. "We will say goodbye now. Don't say 'goodbye', that would be a promise. I don't want to hear promises.
What do you mean? Yes, you are right, I have often been disappointed, deceived by friends. They come and pretend to be nice, and then they hurt you immensely. Yes, it's true, I fear friends more than enemies.
If you don't try to talk me out of it now - because then you would be the worst, the very worst of them - you have given me a very little hope that it can be different from what I have experienced so far."
I think before the next encounter I will feel out how much closeness is right.
(A mishap: before I fill the medicine in the dishwasher and then wash the bowl, I wash the bowl along with the rubbing. So that's it).
Discussion is short.
The mushroom trituration seems to be unappealing.
They quickly move on to the next mushroom.
The demanding is perceived as unpleasant.