Dream proving, sense proving, 25-10-2019, Haltern, Franz Swoboda, Martin Jakob.
Next to me a little of it was my idea to have them close at night, the next morning Martin and I wanted to check them out.
(I need 6 attempts to spell the names correctly.)
I wake up in the middle of the night, storm outside, pain in my throat every time I swallow. I know, I just had an important, interesting dream, consider if I should write it right away, I put the booklet next to me. I fell asleep for a very short time, and he was gone. Exhausted by throat pain and another dream that haunts me for the rest of the night, and persistent as I write this.
At the airport, at the entrance to the toilets, two young women stand and ask for a donation. I pass by twice, trying to justify to myself that I give nothing or little, but donate twice, much more than I usually give.
I exchange a few words with one of the two women. They collect for a charitable purpose. It has something to do with women. Anyway, one of them says the sentence that follows me:
"Heiner Frei is a man who lives in Switzerland. Heiner Freimann is a woman who lives here. Heiner Frei earns much more than Heiner Freimann. Because Heiner Frei is a man and lives in Switzerland. And because Heiner Freimann is a woman who lives here."
I see the injustice of unequal pay, of course. I don't see myself in a position to change anything about this inequality except through small donations and the dissemination of opinions.
Here comes the sentence again. And again. And again.
I get angry with time. First, my neck hurts, second, the sentence does not let me sleep. Again and again it comes. It is repeated in an endless loop, moving parts of the sentence back and forth.
While I try to fall asleep, a mask appears, Darth Vader occurs to me, at any rate terrifying. Normally I would have been afraid, oh God, what is happening here? But now I'm happy about the change. I prefer everything to this narrow-minded sentence. Unfortunately the mask disappears and the sentence remains.
I blame the mushroom and start threatening. "I hit you." No reaction except repetition of the sentence. "I'll flush you down the toilet." Sentence repetition. Then a sentence comes to my mind that frightens me: "Then I pulled the trigger."
Who did I shoot? A mushroom probably not.
What is this situation? I think it is a person who, in his narrow-mindedness, torments another so much that he drives him to the extreme. This extreme is "pulling the trigger".
I am tired from this almost sleepless night. The throat hurts and the tension in the neck was not released by much hot water. Raised.
Fucking mushroom. Spittpilz. Wäu.Martin made it better. He has decided to sleep well and to check only the next morning.
Martin: Bundeswehr, Stetten at the cold market; a few months before a recruit shot a whole magazine at a non-commissioned officer.
Awakening from anesthesia; tank drove over both lower legs. Feels cold.
Martin: Someone runs around screaming because he's run over booby traps. Binds forces. Tactics.
Distorted. Disfigured.
Gender struggle, domestic violence, instead of separating.Plus/minus or black/white.
The separation is there, except for a moment.
It has to do with cold.
Death as the only solution - so it seems at least.
Till death do you part.
Desperate deed. Narrow-minded.Armour-piercing weapons. Penetration.
We only test the reproductive organs of mushrooms. What significance does that have?
Why Heiner Frei? Martin has the solution: polarity analysis!
It's about plus/minus, black/white, either/or
actually his name should be Hell-valley
why are they doing this to make each other's lives hell?
Israel-Palestine - why are they doing this?
Seeing no similarities, only the opposites - wrong identification = dead end
spin-off
Silver
Series - Man/Woman, Culture of the People
St 12 - pull the trigger
ph/sph 6
755.16.12e.g. a sick person torturing his caregiver
Helvella crispa, dream proving FranzMartin and I agreed to prove it the next morning. My idea was to start the proving by putting a piece next to us during the night. The next day, Martin told me, he changed his mind, keeping his sleep free of disturbances. Which was a healthy idea, I must say.
Before I fell asleep, I rubbed a piece of Helvella between my fingers. A few hours later I woke up from the storm outside, my throat felt like burning worse from swallowing. I know I just had an interesting dream, but before I could write it down, it disappeared. I must have fallen asleep again. But only for a short time. Here came the next dream.
Two young women standing next to the entrance to the airport toilets are begging for money. I pass twice and each time I put more money in their bowl than I usually would do.
One of them explains they would collect for a women’s charity and tells me the phrases which would haunt me all this night through:
“Heiner Frei is a man who lives in Switzerland. Heiner Freimann is a woman who lives here. Heiner Frei earns much more money than Heiner Freimann. Because Heiner Frei is a man and lives in Switzerland. And because Heiner Freimann is a woman and lives here.”
I disagree with the gender gap but don’t find myself in a position to change it, apart from donating and saying it openly.
The phrases come again. And again. And again.
I feel irritated. My throat hurts and the phrases come again and again. Both prevent me from falling asleep again. The phrases are repeated, unchanged. Sometimes parts were exchanged, but only within the whole formula. An endless loop.
While I try to find my sleep again, a figure/mask shows up. Darth Vader comes to my mind. It’s not frightening me. What a nice diversion, I think. But the mask vanishes and the phrases stay.
I blame the fungus and threaten him: “I’m gonna hit you!” No reaction. Except: repetition of the phrases. I threaten more:”I’ll flush you down the toilet!” Repetition of the phrases. Then a sentence comes up in me which frightens me: “Then I pulled the trigger!”
I shot someone. But whom? Not the fungus, probably. (Although it looks like having received a round of shot.)
The situation? Maybe of someone who is driven crazy by another one who has tortured him in his narrow-mindedness. And then extreme measures like pulling the trigger may happen.
I am tired, even exhausted after this night. I can hardly write down what happened. Six times I have to retry to write the fungus’ name correctly.
Burning throat, neck contracted, hot shower does not help. Whacked. Fungus, you piece of shit. Fungus of discord. Yuck!
Martin did it better. He went for a good sleep.
The next morning, he does a short meditation on the Helvella (which should be called Hell-valley),
which shows him a mask – he thinks of Star Wars.
Then we talk about what the fungus has shown us. Martin tells the story of a private at the Bundeswehr who emptied his magazine at his sergeant’s belly. Or: Someone running around shrieking after having stepped on a mine. Distortion. Deformity. Disfigurement.
Gender war. Domestic violence instead of separation.
Fungus duplicate with their plus/minus, with their black and white. That’s how bryologists call the fungi’s reproduction organs. The plus/minus are separated. They unite just for a moment.
Why “Heiner Frei”? Martin finds the solution: Polarity analysis.
Together until death will separate you. Death as the only solution for a separation.
Divorce is not possible. Narrow-mindedness.
Coldness. I feel coldness in my legs. Waking up from narcosis. My legs have been amputated after a tank has gone over them.
Also possible: A nursing person killing a patient who had made him/her suffer for a long time.
755. (staying in an unhealthy relationship as a cultural problem)
Phase 1 (impulsive behaviour)
Subphase 6 (problem in relationship)
Stage 12 (endurance for a long time, then violent outburst)