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Antiaris toxicaria
Year 2014, Issue 1, Article 3CaseAuthor: Dinesh Chauhan
“It’s tearing me apart. Mentally it has torn me apart…”Italics-bold have been used to highlight the pertinent phrases.
Explanation of the case have been given in the bracket.
H.G. is used for the hand gestures.P: Shocking to see so many doctors in the room!(She enters in the room with the shock)D: Tell me about you.P: I have a lot of body ache starting from my back. Of late I am having pain (scapular area) here also. First my lower back used to give me trouble & now it is my…beyond…what you call as back breast. My part is paining & when I am lying down, the pain I feel it here, just below my breasts. That is the feeling I get. Then I have lot of pain where my uterus is concerned, the lower back. I get a lot of vaginal itching also. Of lately I have got some personal problem with my daughter. So for that I developed a lot of itching sensation on my ankles. They are boil like things.(Patient describing the chief complaint, associated complaints without any local feeling, delusion and sensation associated with it.)I consulted the skin specialist & he said it has something to do with the stress. So these are the main problems. I have got my prescriptions & investigation reports with me. I have undergone the MRI, I have undergone the Gynaec treatment. This is just my recommended history. Otherwise basically I am in pain but if I have to move about, if I have to live my normal life, I do it but it’s with pain all the time. Morning to evening I go to school. In the morning when I get up, I get the pain but I carry on my work till evening. But by evening I am unable to take it anymore. So this is the summary of what I am going through. I have gone to an orthopedic surgeon also & whatever was required example – taking lot of pain killers, lot of medicines. Even now daily I am taking lot of pain medicines. Everybody keeps telling me because of my weight I am overweight. So I have to reduce. Once I reduce, I will be automatically ok. I do few back exercises also. I have started on back exercises. But after that I developed a very funny sort of pain. So that makes me fear that if I go for those type of exercises, may be I develop some other complications so that I get a setback. So I am very passive about my movements with the fear that if I over exert myself, I will land up with some other complications. I am not very clear in my mind exactly what I want, exactly what is happening to me. I think I have gone through the emotional traumas. I had family setbacks. So with that I become emotional at times.(There is pain but no specific quality of pain till now. Secondly she is very passive because of the pain. So we know that there is some sensation because of which she is passive. Another thing she mentioned here is she had gone through an emotional trauma. The sensation in the trauma as well as the complaint should be the same. Sensation at the local level should be the same as the situational level.)D: Tell more about your problems.P: I only have this health problem & little bit of family problem where I had to undergo lot of stress emotionally. But even that blissfully has settled down. I cannot see even because of that I am actually in pain. The main theme is I am in pain & that is the main setback. My back pain is my main pain & first……my back. Now as I told you, I get a pain here somewhere, back of the breast. Right now I am facing a very severe pain there & that days all the time it was just become a mental block. I t worries me that what could it be. Different people tell different things example: somebody told me go for a Gynaec check up. So I went for that also but I think everything is ok but may be because of excess medicine, I get a lot of vaginal itching all the time. For that also I have been given some ointment which I apply. Otherwise the routine is I just have this back problem. (For her pain is the main problem.)D: Pain is your main worry. Tell about this.
P: It’s actual pain. It’s a back pain but it is being for a very long period of time. It is always fluctuating. At times I have experienced it like whenever I have lost weight, I have felt that the pain is little less because it used to be on the lower back but now it’s a new type of pain & the MRI is showing some nerve is pressing. (She is just describing the common qualities of pain.)D: What type of pain?
P: It’s like something that is dormant all the time. That is hurting you all the time. D: Hurting means what? Give me some parallel example.
P: I feel there is a lump & that lump is hurting me all the time. D: In what way hurting?
P: Like how you get a bruise. You touch that bruise & you get the pain. It’s not a pricking pain that I feel that is there. Some nerve example I go of……then I just try & give a little exercise to my back. I feel I go of……I cannot express pain but there is something that keeps hurting me all the time. [H.G.] & now even when I am lying down, I feel the pain is traveling up here. The pain which is in my back travels here.(Now she gives you many types of pain. Till now these are just local sensations. If these are present at each areas of her life then you can say that these are the vital sensations.)D: What is that funny sensation?
P: I find it how is it coming? Why is it not moving even after pain killers but I feel at least for sometime I should feel little relaxed. D: It’s not moving means?P: Why it is not going? It’s there all the time with me. It’s something like a baby I have to carry in my arms. Similarly the pain is there in my back all the time.(One more image of her pain.)D: What do you feel because of that?
P: I am upset about the whole thing. I cannot live my normal life. D: What is your reaction to it & you’re pleading?
P: My reaction to it is I feel if it is a little more, I might be bed ridden. It might be something to do wit the slip disc. You know I keep on thinking it might be a slip disc or it might be some pain where I have to take total bed rest. I cannot go to work or at the same time I keep on thinking. You know I have a lot of mix feelings about the whole thing. At times I feel if I move about well, it will keep me going. Like every time when I go to bed at night, I just tell myself let me just be physically fit in the morning so that I can start my work the next day. I don’t think beyond one day that is all. Like in the night when I go to bed, I go with the hope that I am ok so that I can get up next morning & go to my work. Even at night, I sleep on one side I am ok. By 2’o clock I am wide awake because of the pain I don’t get sleep. (This is a very wrong question to ask at this moment of time. Don’t ask this question till the sensation is clear.)D: So basically your movements are restricted because of this pain.
P: Much, much restricted means I am not moving much, I am fearing all the time. D: What is that fear?P: The fear is am I….something bad then this.D: What you think what will be the worst?
P: It could be a slip disc & I might land lying up in bed.D: So what will happen?P: I won’t be able to get up. D: So?P: So I won’t be able to go out of the house. I won’t be able to work. My life will be restricted, my movements will be restricted. I will be a liability to somebody. My husband himself is a heart patient. So I don’t want to be a liability to anyone. (So we know that her movements are restricted, her life is restricted because of the pain. Now question comes is, is this restriction the sensation or is it the reaction to the sensation? Here she is restricted because of the pain. So the restriction, movement is decreased - is the reaction. Liability to some one is a common human emotion.)D: What is liability?
P: Means to depend on somebody. You are not free on your own. If your limbs don’t move the way you want it to move, you are dependent on somebody & I don’t want it to happen. So that is why from time to time I go to doctors, I see, I try & find out. But the bottom line is always your weight – ‘you reduce your weight, everything will be ok’.D: Why you don’t want to be dependent on others?
P: You are going to be in bed, you are not movable. You have to depend on somebody & whom you have to depend on is your own person who is close by & to me it is my husband. Now I know that he is also of a person not at very good at. Then why should I be a liability for him. So that fear is always there.(Liability and dependency are the human emotions. Our aim is to find out what is the non-human emotion behind all these common human emotions.)D: Free of pain means what?
P: Right now I am suffering from a back pain which is restricting my movements. I am a very hyper person, very active person. Now after some time even when I am walking, I feel I am dragging my feet because I am unable to walk. I am literally telling myself – ‘come on, I have to walk’. You get my point, is it? One has to live a normal life from morning to evening. I am not able to live that normal life because I have basically become very passive. I am unable to go on & on with my life day in & day out because I am feeling very uncomfortable within me. I really don’t know whether that is a fear. If fear, I am unable to express it to you also. My health is my fear because today health is everything. Today I stand on my feet so I can take care of my job, husband & home.(Again reaction is to this is, she has become passive. Patient says, ‘there is a very uncomfortable feeling or fear within me.’ This uncomfortable feeling and fear within her will take us to her vital sensation.)D: What is comfortable?
P: Comfortable means a day’s work is well done.D: What is exactly opposite of this ‘active, free of pain & comfortable’?
P: That is my picture- picture of depression from time to time. Of course that is much less now. First I was going through a lot of depression & with the depression I used to get a lot of boil like things on my feet all over. All that has gone now because time is the best healer for everything. And to me time has healed quite a bit of my personal problems, my family problems. So I would put that aside & right now my priority is this pain of mine. To me right now there is nothing except the pain, very peculiar type of feeling which I am unable to express. (Deeper feeling is very peculiar which she is not able to express.)D: What is this peculiar?
P: I am unable to express. I can only tell you one thing that I am suffering from a simple back ache & that back ache is really making my life miserable.D: What is miserable?P: Means I am not my normal self.D: What you feel that?P: Very uncomfortable, unhappy, and depressed.D: What is the deeper feeling in all this?
P: I am not myself.D: What is that feeling of being not my self?
P: I would like to be a normal healthy person but I am unable to do. I have a set back. If I have to go anywhere, I have to first think how do I have to travel? Will I have to travel by bus or take a car, rickshaw? So every time any moment in my life, I have to think – ‘will I be able to go? If I have to go for a longer period, will I be able to sit for that period of time? Will I get a bed to rest?’ All these little things have slowed down my activities & if my activities are curbed, I do not feel to be my self.(Till now it appears that restriction of movements, all activities getting curbed and the passive movement must be her main sensation. In any case our aim is to find out whether what patient is speaking is the sensation or the reaction? In this case there is some uncomfortable feeling, peculiar feeling, fearful feeling because of which her activities and movements are restricted, and activities are curbed.)D: What is the feeling in that passiveness, no movement, no activity?
P: I keep thinking to myself that I am no good. I can’t do things which I should have done.D: What is the feeling of no good?
P: Uncomfortable.D: What do you feel when you are passive, when you are not doing any movement, not doing any activity?
P: Miserable.D: Describe the picture of miserable?P: Means sad. You start thinking about all the wrong things happening to you. Sometimes you even think of beyond life. (These are just the thoughts.)D: What is beyond life? What one feels in that?
P: (She started crying) I cannot express more than this. D: What is the feeling in that beyond life?
P: Being a liability to somebody, unable to do your own things - that sort of feeling.(This is common human feeling.)D: You spoke a lot of things. So what is the feeling behind all things?
P: Feeling is am emotional thing coming out of your body, right. The feeling is feeling of pain, dejection, an emotional set back. These are the type of feelings one has but I have these feelings in me. I have a feeling of pain all the time. I have a feeling of dejection. I feel very emotional about things but basically I am a very happy person. I have no problems. It’s only the health is becoming a drawback or setback in my life. Though this is there for quite some time but now with the aging process, I am feeling little out of place & little uncomfortable.(The dejection is her feeling.)D: Tell about ‘out of place’.
P: I feel insecure.D: Tell about it.P: I am 56 now. I am due my retirement in a year or two. I feel that if once I reach a stage where I am unable to do what a normal human being can do, so my thoughts go beyond just today; my thoughts go beyond tomorrow - that feeling of insecure. If my health does not permit me to do the normal things what is expected out of a human life, so that is my fear. D: So what will be the feeling of a normal person who is not able to do his normal activity which is usually expected?
P: One will feel sad.D: What is the deeper feeling of this person?
P: Feeling very bitter & sad. D: What is bitter?P: Bitter is something with which one is not happy with.(Bitter feeling is her emotion.)D: What is the feeling in that? Why you are not happy?
P: Because of my pain, because I am uncomfortable. I am very uncomfortable within me. I am feeling very insecure. I feel very upset. I feel very emotional. That is my feeling within me. Beyond that there is nothing. That is my only feeling but what can be more than this? Because of my health I am going through all this trauma. This is my trauma. D: You said that because of your health there is pain, dejection, emotional setback & insecurity.
P: Right.D: Tell about this dejection.P: Dejection is I feel unwanted, I feel uncomfortable. I feel that may be if I continue with this type of life, one day I will be liability to somebody. People cannot want me because today in front of your own eyes if you see people suffering & you see how the family suffers & you are one part of the family suffering with your senior member suffering in the family & you also feel that how long this is going to be there. So I take it within me, may be one day I am going to be in that person’s place. I give you my own mother’s example. My mother is suffering. Now we are also suffering with her. So they also say how long this will go on? So some day it may be my turn. My illness is going to be my turn one day & people are going to feel the same thing about me. That is the feeling I have in me. D: What people will feel?P: That she is liability.D: So what will be feeling in that?
P: Uncomfortable – if somebody says you are a liability. (The sensation behind the dejection and the bitter feeling is being uncomfortable, which she is not able to describe to us.)D: Why you feel uncomfortable?
P: Because I am a liability. I am burden on some one. So I don’t want to be 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 whatever I have told you. So I want to get to the root cause of why I am getting this back pain. That is my main problem. If somebody has to give me a guarantee that this back pain will be with you for life & you can live a normal life, I am ready to accept that life. D: You were telling me about dejection & unwanted. Tell about that.
P: I have already told you.(When patient is describing the sensation in the common words like uncomfortable feeling, peculiar feeling and case is not moving further then go the other subconscious areas. In this case patient had an emotional setback. So go in that area and find out what is the feeling and the sensation associated with it.)D: Tell me about the emotional setback.
P: Means if there is something happened in your family, emotionally you are upset. So that upsets your entire circuit because you are hurt within you. Then you are not a normal human being. Everything goes wrong with you. You are not able to speak. You are not able to live a normal life in your friend circle because you are upset for something that has happened wrong. So it makes me emotionally upset & automatically that is a setback in your life. You are unable to speak out.D: You are unable to…P: Speak out. Something is troubling you. There is a problem, that problem is within you & you cannot go & tell it to everybody that this is my problem. Somewhere it is going to affect your day today life. So once it affects your day today life, you are not your normal self. If I am in a habit of wishing everybody good morning, a very happy morning & then all of a sudden I just give a normal smile, people cannot understand what is wrong with me. It’s like that. So once you have problem, you are unable to be your normal self, you are basically emotionally upset. You cannot express yourself. So that thing is troubling me that you are unable to come out. That fear is there within me. (There is an emotional upset and you are not able to speak about it, not able to express, it remains within you.)D: What’s that fear that you are unable to come out?
P: That fear is people will come to know ok she has this problem & then people start gossiping about you. So to avoid people gossiping, you want to keep it to yourself. So your problem you want to keep it to yourself & the fear is about people will know about it. So it’s a very vicious circle, if look at it. One problem – now today it’s my health problem, it is an emotional problem, it affects your day today routine.(This tells us that the miasm could be sycotic or very close to sycosis.)D: What is that fear?
P: Fear is people will know your problems. People will know she is not her normal self. D: What will happen if people know - what is your problem?
P: You feel dejected.(Again the feeling of dejection comes. But the dejection is very common human feeling.)D: Why you feel dejected?
P: I don’t know why but it makes you feel bit awkward. It makes you feel sad. D: What is that feeling?P: Sad feeling.D: Why don’t you want people to know your problem?
P: You asked me - what is emotional setback? So I just expressed what it is to be. I had these things. Then the feeling which comes over & over again, I have to understand. There is no depth in the feeling what I am talking about. My feeling is the pain. I had an emotional setback. That thing is settled. I feel more comfortable now & little happier than before. I was very sad. We had a very sad incidence in my family. D: What is that incidence?P: It was my own child who had got married & her marriage did not work. She came back here. That is just the trauma in my life. With that setback I went through other illnesses like itching on my legs. Then I went to the skin specialist & he gave me the medicines & he said it is related to my stress. So all that part of my life is over & I am back to square one, where my back pain is. My sister recommending you over the years & saying this is the right thing where you should go if you want to be cured for life.D: You told me it was like a trauma. Tell about it.
P: Trauma was to see your own child in your home, to see her misbehaving, to see her not living a normal life & on the other side you see that she has left behind 2 children. So the children & husband are upset. We were listening to both sides. So that was using a quite a bit of our feelings & energy & anger. (Many times patient is using a word trauma, like emotional trauma, backache like trauma. In this case trauma is just the word, because there is no energy behind it.)D: This entire incidence had some impact on you, right? What was the feeling because of this?
P: That impact shattered me. I could not even talk. The moment I used to open my mouth, I used to cry. So health wise it has shattered us completely – emotionally, physically & mentally. We could not open our mouth & speak & used to only cry. We were bitter with life. So these were the feelings we got but as time passed by, it is now one & a half years, everything has settled down. I believe that time is the best healer. But my main problem is my back pain.(Shattered feeling is the non-human emotion.)D: What was the shattered feeling? What was the feeling in that?
P: Feeling dejected, cheated with life because somebody has cheated you & you in return feel cheated with life. We were living a normal healthy life & all of a sudden an incident comes in your life in such a way that it just shatters your life. So we were feeling very upset about the whole thing, a bit nervous & all the time the fear is there because my husband is a heart patient. He has undergone open heart surgery now. So he cannot take more stress. So you have to play a double game making feel that ok this is your way of life, you have to accept it but the heart did not accept it. So on his face, one has to show the feeling that everything is ok but that feeling has to come out somewhere. So it has to come out some other way. So it is a very mixed feeling – one has to show something & do something else. It was just that vicious thing went on & on & till now the things have settled down.(Next question in my mind during the case taking was, is this shattered feeling is actually her inner most feeling or the vital sensation?)D: So during that time what physical sensation you had?
P: Shiver ness. Not normal. No proper sleep, all the time you are just thinking of something will happen, something wrong is going to happen, all that feeling, that fear. D: You said here the ‘fear’ & somewhere else also you said the ‘fear’. So what that fear is like? I want whatever you think what fear is, not your own fear.
P: Fear means bad thoughts. I used to get very, very bad thoughts. Example: if I put a little bit pressure on her to go back, she might want to run away, she might commit suicide. All the negative vibes I used to get in my body. Negative vibes that something is going to go wrong or whatever will happen, will only be wrong; nothing is going to be right. That was the fear & within me, my body used to tremor. I used to have loose motions also. Anything I used to think too much, all of a sudden I used to start sweating. These are all the reactions to too much of thinking & that feeling used to lead me to all these things.(Shivering, loose motion, sweating are the reactions to the sensation, which is still not clear.)D: Which feeling used to lead you to all these things?
P: Fear – I used to think something wrong will happen. It’s not going work. All of a sudden in the night, I used to get up & fear that the door might be kept open & she (her daughter) must have gone out - that sort of fear. (These are the just thoughts in her mind. The vital sensation is beyond mind and body phenomenon.)D: All this was happening because of some sensation. What is that sensation?
P: Fear. I used to think - it’s happening, it’s happening. What will happen to her, to him? I was like a middle person who has to keep this side also & that side also & plus answer people that why did it happen? Why did you not take care? Once it becomes an open picture, everybody starts talking, saying. (Patient is not able to describe the sensation here. Patient is coming to the fear and not able to move further. In such cases I ask patient that, “In which situation one experiences such feeling of fear at it worst, tell me few related to you or not related to you i.e. imaginary”. Aim of this question is to bring those situations to the surface so that patient can experience the exact sensation. When patient is describing those situations, he is actually making the connection with the sensation.)D: In which situation one experiences such feeling of fear, tell me few related to you or not related to you i.e. imaginary”?
P: I used to imagine more fear than the actual fear.D: What is that imaginary situation where feeling of fear is the worst?
P: In any tragedy, smallest of tragedy. Basically I am a very emotional person.D: Give me example of the worst fear?
P: It can start with just seeing an emotional scene on the picture. Example: yesterday I saw ‘The legend of Bhagat Singh’ & there they show these dead bodies which were burnt & dumped. So it depends. I am an emotional person & I can reach my peak very fast.D: What is your peak?P: Anything. The smallest of thing can reach me to my peak. I can get carried away because of the smallest thing. I am very touchy person. I get hurt very fast but I can calm down also very fast. The smallest of things happened in my life & I get carried away, I get hurt, I feel for that thing.D: Give me more examples where this feeling of fear will be worst?
P: Peak is the family death. You can’t be more than that. That is the only tragedy which makes the person goes to the peak but not always. Recently I lost my M-I-L but I did not feel that upset because I know she has led her life. (The death of near and dear one produces the ‘feeling of fear’ in this patient.)D: What is that highest feeling?
P: Feeling very miserable inside. Feeling that you have lost something who is very dear to you in your life. You feel miserable. What will my life be now? What am I going to do next? How am I going to be accepted by my children? - that feeling. That is what you reach to.D: Tell more about that feeling of being ‘that upset’.
P: Very miserable from inside, being cheated in life. I have not been given a fair chance by god. Why things have to happen to me only? That is the feeling when things go wrong. Do I have to take still something more than what I have suffered already? That is the question you ask yourself.D: Tell more about cheated feeling – in general, not related to you.
P: Some good people who do good deeds & then things go wrong in their life; you feel they have been cheated by god. They don’t deserve this. When things go too much wrong, one person has to suffer & suffer & only suffer, and then you feel you are being cheated by god. Suffering has its limit & when you go beyond that suffering, and then you feel cheated.D: What is that feeling?P: Feeling of tears. Emotions come in many ways. Some people when they are upset, they want to talk. Some people want to drink, smoke & who have neither of this, you have to do something. You just cannot bottle things all the times inside. You have to let out things. So I let out with crying, sometimes by just ignoring things & sometimes with the silence. So that’s my feeling.D: Bottled up.P: Means to keep it to yourself, you don’t want to bring it out. This has happened to me & I just keep to my self. I am going to be quite, silence, suffering from within your self & unable to bring it out. Plus he is not a normal human being that is another tragedy. (Patient is talking about the silent grief.)He is not a normal human being & he is not in position to take care of me. I should be taking care of him. I want to be in good health so that I can take care of him.(What is the sensation behind cheated, bitter, dejected, shattered feeling? what is the sensation behind the emotional upset? What is the sensation in the situation where there is death of near and dear ones? What is the sensation behind all the common emotion? What is the sensation behind the non-human emotion? These are the questions, which are still not answered.)D: This thought, the worst fear plus you were feeling that husband is also not fit, that time what sensation comes to your body? It’s like a…?
P: It’s like giving a ……you get a horrible feeling.D: What is that horrible feeling?P: Stomach starts crowling means it’s churning inside. Your stomach starts making noise. There is some fight going on inside your body [H.G.] - that sort of feeling. It’s just a misery. You have a low profile & you don’t want to do anything. You are just like mentally. Physically you are alive but you just feel I am gone & nothing worst can happen than this. Something is just tearing you apart [H.G.] & you are just fighting with life that you want to do this & you want to do that & what will happen. It’s like how you get these hot flushes. How your computer shows the designs. Scary feeling, upset feeling, you want to bash yourself of…it’s all a miserable feeling. Everything wrong is happening. [Patient is doing the hand gestures of torn apart](This is the first time patient is describing the bodily experience of everything, which is not related to any mind and the body phenomena. Suddenly patient started using the gestures to describe the sensation happening inside the body. Patient is completely dissociating herself from the whole phenomena and describing completely at the non-human level. Initially patient is using many words but as patient is describing more and more, the whole phenomenon is becoming clear and clear. Patient is giving us the sensation behind the uncomfortable feeling, peculiar feeling, miserable feeling, and feeling of fear.)D: You feel inside your stomach as if some fight is going on & some…
P: Ya & something is tearing me apart & mind is upset &… [H.G.](Such half finish sentence in the questioning is very important. Patient will pick up what is the most important for her. The vital sensation inside the body is as if something is tearing you apart.) D: Little more – something is fighting inside means what?
P: It’s tearing me apart. Mentally it has torn me apart [H.G.]. I have no thoughts left in my mind. I have nothing left to say. I feel blank. I feel I am blank, I am useless. All that negativity which has to be there, it’s all coming out.D: You feel torn apart.P: Yes, yes everything is gone. I am finished.(We have still not understood the fight inside the stomach.)D: What is the feeling of being something is fighting inside & torn apart?
P: As if everything is over. There are lot of wrong things happening, lot of bitterness, anger, which is fighting inside me & telling ‘No this is the end, this is your final day, whatever you have done is done, now it’s all back to square one, where you were. Nothing is going to happen good to you.’D: Then what you feel as if…?P: It is the end. D: In the stomach what do you feel as if…?
P: As if it’s just that tussle, fight, battle & I have lost that battle & I give up. My emotions, my feelings, everything is getting torn apart [H.G. of the torn apart by taking both hands away from each other]. Whatever I have within me is all getting torn apart & I am left with nothing [H.G]. I am just standing & nothing left in my life to say or to offer. I feel that’s my end. That is the peak I can reach to. The maximum feeling I get – the maximum is death.D: In this feeling, your action is – you said you want to torn apart your hair, you want to…
P: Tear of everything – emotions, feelings, everything within me I want to finish it of. Everything is already torn apart & that’s the end.(Feels mentally/physically torn apart. All her emotions getting are torn apart. This is the vital sensation. At the sensation level we get the pure sensitivity and the energy patter associated with it. So the case must be of plant kingdom. Plant family, which has the torn apart sensation, shattered, dejected, bitter, cheated feeling and reaction of completely passive.)D: Where else in your life you have felt torn apart?
P: That was my child’s tragedy. That was one phase in my life. But that phase of my life is not that much as my healthy. That came with a bang like an atom bomb which can really blow apart our life & then everything settled down. It settled down so beautifully that I feel that everything is over.(This is very wrong question to ask till the vital sensation is not clear. Once you are sure that the vital sensation in the case is clear, you can ask this question. But answer should be thoroughly checked. See that the sensation in those areas should be same with same energy pattern.)(The bomb blast feeling should come to the torn apart feeling.)D: It was like a bomb.P: Bomb blast. It blasted our life & made so many of us to suffer. I was not the only sufferer. In my health I am suffering alone & my fear is if I will keep on suffering, I will make others suffer. That the fear which is tearing me apart. D: What is your reaction to this torn apart & tearing apart?
P: I just express my reaction. I reach my peak then I start getting all these bad vibes in my body.D: What you feel like doing when this sensation comes?
P: I feel like doing a lot of things but then I know that they are the wrong things. If I feel like doing lot of things, which are wrong, it is bad. Whatever you feel like doing is always not a good thing. They are bad things. Example: you don’t feel like singing when you are crying. Obviously you are crying because you are upset. So whatever you are feeling is going to be everything on the negative side. Nothing in life is going to be positive. So all the negative vibes come & it reaches the peak where it’s like an internal trauma. It’s like an internal backache or internal bomb blast.(Patient is connecting the backache to the internal bomb-blast.)D: You had any skin disease in the past?
P: Yes. It is allergy on the leg. Whenever I used to start talking about the problem automatically I used to feel itchy sensation in my leg.D: Any fungal infection in the past?P: Yes once I had on the 2 side which was very severe infection but that was cured but this thing which I am getting on my leg is connected to stress – the doctor says. Whenever anybody starts discussing about the problem of my daughter, I used to feel that sensation & I used to apply cream.(Everything in the case is clear except the chief complaint. The sensation in the chief complaint is not matching with the vital sensation. So I went to the chief complaint again.)D: What you feel inside the back? It is as if?
P: Throbbing pain – constant throbbing pain. Its stretch, something is trying to tear apart in my lower back.D: Describe the same thing again. ‘You feel as if something is…’
P: Stretch me apart, trying to pull out something. As if something is being stretched apart. I might tear a muscle or hurt another part of my spine or my back. (This came with the same hand gesture of the torn apart) When I am exercising I do my exercise & I get that shooting pain to such an extent that I have to stop the exercise.UNDERSTANDING OF THE CASECommon Emotions:
• Liability to someone
• Insecure
• Dejection
• Sadness
• Bitterness
• Not happy from within
• Cheated
• DisappointedVital Sensation: • Shattered
• Torn apart
• Tearing apart
• Like a bomb blast which tears away everything.Reactions: • Passive reaction:
• - Passive
• - No movement [restricted movement] • Active reaction: • - Bash up
• - Diarrhea
• - Tearing the hair
• -
Rubrics/Characteristics:
• Silent grief
• A/F death of near and dear one’s
• A/F disappointments
• A/F shock
• Shattered
• Torn apart
• Anticipatory diarrhoea Coping-up (Miasm): • Sycotic as well as Psoric aspect.
• Ringworm infection.
• Trying to come out of the complaint.Ringworm MiasmThemes of the case:
• Trying to come out of Shattered and Torn apart sensation.
• Sometimes avoiding the situation that produces shattered and torn sensation and sometimes reacting to shattered and torn apart sensation.Kingdom: Plant: (Pure Sensitivity with exact Energy pattern)Deepest sensation is being experienced in emotional areas.Family: LoganaceaeRemedy:Upas 1M/one doseFOLLOW UPS: FIRST FOLLOW UP:P: When I was lying, I got a catch in my back & I felt that a wave is traveling to my chest. My vaginal irritation is also there. P: But over all I am very happy. I am able to control all the pain killers.(Chief complaint and the associated complaint is same but over all I am feeling better.)P: Though I am in pain but mental satisfaction is there.D: After that powder any change did you find?
P: I was taking my regular medicines also (Sac Lac). The swelling of the knee was so much. I thought it may be a fracture but when I spoke to you, you told me not to do anything. It will heal naturally. So the tension was so much due to the knee that everything was aside. Last night I took that SOS powder & I slept well. You said that you might get loose motions. I was getting good motions but since last 2 days, I am again feeling constipated.Follow Up after 3 months:P: I am ok, much better except pains are there. I had a very nice holiday. I went to my grand children.D: In what way you are better?
P: Mentally & emotionally I am feeling quite contented but because of the exertion, I used to feel the back pain. No painkillers, no applications. Only your medicine & just one powder of SOS I required in between.D: Movements?P: Movement is good. There was pain of course but I used to walk with the pain. Now also I am trying to get some time & O do walk. The pain is not still gone, not since less either but I can bear it.D: Some dreams?P: No.D: Energy wise how are you?P: Energy wise I am touch wood feeling tired but sometimes I have lot of sitting clerical work, that time I feel difficult to get up.D: How do you feel stress now & before?
P: Ok now I am feeling happier, accepting things.(So stress wise ok, energy wise ok but is chief complaint there.)P: And nothing else except the joint pains which come here & there but they come & go. It is not part of my life. Itching is also much less. It is just at times now, not daily also. Earlier itching & irritation I had is not there at all. When I was in Indore, there was nothing …dry. It’s only when I returned, it started…….
No dreams, nothing. I am at peace with my self.D: Enjoying with your work?P: …………..Follow Up after 6-8 months:D: Are you taking pain killers?P: No pain killers, nothing. I am …on those (yours) 6-7 tablets. I am regular walker.D: Extra exertion?P: I am not doing much exertion. Right now I am very passive.(She says here that back ache is 60 % better.)P: My daughter’s problem is at peak. But now I feel after a peak, it has to fall so that also the family also trying to help us out & I have put in my papers also & my resignation has been accepted. So I am accepting everything which is coming. So I am comfortable.(She is saying that her daughter’s problem is at peak now but I am accepting it, it’s not bothering me & this is the main thing because her whole case has revolved around her daughter.)P: Earlier I was feeling very tensed but now I know I have to accept things in life & I am at peace with myself. So this is also one of the reasons why I am feeling better. Of course pains & aches are there but it’s going to be there for certain time in life.D: What about that severe back ache?P: That is there doctor but not severe. Now it’s passive. Though the aches & pains are there, I can get a good sleep at night. Sometimes I feel restless also but at the end of the day, I can carry on. I can tolerate my pains, aches myself.(This is very important.)P: Only this irritation though I started putting little cream or little bit of powder cream ,some oil because after that I wash my self, then I apply something, some lubrication where I feel little comfortable because you told me not to apply anything else. I don’t apply any ointment. It’s just a cream or powder or oil.D: Any dream?P: No.D: Emotionally how are you?P: I am ok. I have told you that I am accepting what is happening in my life because at times I just ….then I crib my self. It’s not worth because I have assessed my self, assessed my job, assessed my life & I have done everything nice for kids. I have to take care of my health. I am assessing my self & I am finding my self very comfortable today. I am accepting my self what I am.[This is very important – you accept what you are & what you have. She was the vice principal some where & she didn’t want to leave the school but now she has resigned – ok – I want to leave it happily & I want to plan it further & enjoy my life with whatever I have. Though daughter’s problem is at peak it’s not bothering me.]P: I used to be very hyper, active, fighting for smallest things, worrying about the smallest things, trying to get more efficient about it. I have come to a state where I am accepting what is coming to me & I have regrets. That makes me feel comfortable. I have become more passive. I used to react. I used to be hypersensitive about things. Now if somebody says something, I say ok fine.(You see the way she is speaking - the more calmness is coming in her speech. The more you go towards cure; your speech becomes calmer. I know my self better. I know what I want. I know what to expect for my self. I am peaceful. I am close to myself & I want to go……& come to a stage……& start planning & waiting for & again go to my grand children, live there for sometime. So that way I am feeling ok.)D: Any bad dreams?
P: No bad dreams, no bad thoughts.D: Energy wise?
P: Very fine. I am energetic the whole day. During my work, I am settling things, settling everything so that the next person to take over. So I am really comfortable, happy, at peace – nothing to crib about, nothing to get angry. I am just taking it as a lesson. I don’t want to regret on anything. I want to be happy. The bitter feelings which I had are all gone away. What I am dreaming is an institution which I love. Hence I cannot think anything bitter about them. If I think anything bitter, I am speaking against my love which I don’t want to. So I keep telling myself. I have come to a stage – just accepting the things. I am at peace with myself.D: What about the sensation of churning & torn apart?
P: All that is over.D: What about the torn apart feeling?P: I don’t feel torn apart. My attitude is totally changed. I keep telling myself that this is my end. I ……the ladder, the stage of growing up period & gradually I have come down & I am not at the base & at the base I have to move out. I am keeping my whole graph as a very simple graph & I keep telling myself of this period of time & now I am at very much peace with myself.D: Emotionally you were feeling torn, mentally, physically torn apart?
P: All that has settled within my self.(It can’t go (the sensation). It’s all that settled within herself. That’s the point where you can say she is really going towards cure & after this time, I never took her detailed follow up. She used to come. She still comes sometimes for her aches & pains when sometimes she does the exertion but whenever you ask her – she says ‘I am ok doctor. Don’t ask me. I am fine. Whenever the emotional disturbances will come, I will tell you.’ Right now she is enjoying her life in Indore. She says ‘now 40 years of my job – now I want to enjoy’. The dresses she wears now are the frocks with frills with sport shoes. She says ‘I want to enjoy my childhood. I am a child now’. When she comes to the clinic, she hugs everybody. She talks with my compounder also.) (In her last follow-up she came wearing dress which generally children wear.) Quote“The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you but it lies in what he cannot reveal to you.
Hence try to understand him by listening to not what he says but rather what he does not say.”DR. DINESH CHAUAHNSwasthya Clinic, 106, Dinar Building, 1st floor, 20- station road, Santacruz (West), Mumbai- 54, Tues, Thus-10a.m.to1p.m. & 3 to 8 p.m., Sat- 3 to 8 p.m.
Email: drchauhan@vsnl.net
swasthyaclinic@vsnl.net
Website: www.homeohome.com
Explanation of the case have been given in the bracket.
H.G. is used for the hand gestures.P: Shocking to see so many doctors in the room!(She enters in the room with the shock)D: Tell me about you.P: I have a lot of body ache starting from my back. Of late I am having pain (scapular area) here also. First my lower back used to give me trouble & now it is my…beyond…what you call as back breast. My part is paining & when I am lying down, the pain I feel it here, just below my breasts. That is the feeling I get. Then I have lot of pain where my uterus is concerned, the lower back. I get a lot of vaginal itching also. Of lately I have got some personal problem with my daughter. So for that I developed a lot of itching sensation on my ankles. They are boil like things.(Patient describing the chief complaint, associated complaints without any local feeling, delusion and sensation associated with it.)I consulted the skin specialist & he said it has something to do with the stress. So these are the main problems. I have got my prescriptions & investigation reports with me. I have undergone the MRI, I have undergone the Gynaec treatment. This is just my recommended history. Otherwise basically I am in pain but if I have to move about, if I have to live my normal life, I do it but it’s with pain all the time. Morning to evening I go to school. In the morning when I get up, I get the pain but I carry on my work till evening. But by evening I am unable to take it anymore. So this is the summary of what I am going through. I have gone to an orthopedic surgeon also & whatever was required example – taking lot of pain killers, lot of medicines. Even now daily I am taking lot of pain medicines. Everybody keeps telling me because of my weight I am overweight. So I have to reduce. Once I reduce, I will be automatically ok. I do few back exercises also. I have started on back exercises. But after that I developed a very funny sort of pain. So that makes me fear that if I go for those type of exercises, may be I develop some other complications so that I get a setback. So I am very passive about my movements with the fear that if I over exert myself, I will land up with some other complications. I am not very clear in my mind exactly what I want, exactly what is happening to me. I think I have gone through the emotional traumas. I had family setbacks. So with that I become emotional at times.(There is pain but no specific quality of pain till now. Secondly she is very passive because of the pain. So we know that there is some sensation because of which she is passive. Another thing she mentioned here is she had gone through an emotional trauma. The sensation in the trauma as well as the complaint should be the same. Sensation at the local level should be the same as the situational level.)D: Tell more about your problems.P: I only have this health problem & little bit of family problem where I had to undergo lot of stress emotionally. But even that blissfully has settled down. I cannot see even because of that I am actually in pain. The main theme is I am in pain & that is the main setback. My back pain is my main pain & first……my back. Now as I told you, I get a pain here somewhere, back of the breast. Right now I am facing a very severe pain there & that days all the time it was just become a mental block. I t worries me that what could it be. Different people tell different things example: somebody told me go for a Gynaec check up. So I went for that also but I think everything is ok but may be because of excess medicine, I get a lot of vaginal itching all the time. For that also I have been given some ointment which I apply. Otherwise the routine is I just have this back problem. (For her pain is the main problem.)D: Pain is your main worry. Tell about this.
P: It’s actual pain. It’s a back pain but it is being for a very long period of time. It is always fluctuating. At times I have experienced it like whenever I have lost weight, I have felt that the pain is little less because it used to be on the lower back but now it’s a new type of pain & the MRI is showing some nerve is pressing. (She is just describing the common qualities of pain.)D: What type of pain?
P: It’s like something that is dormant all the time. That is hurting you all the time. D: Hurting means what? Give me some parallel example.
P: I feel there is a lump & that lump is hurting me all the time. D: In what way hurting?
P: Like how you get a bruise. You touch that bruise & you get the pain. It’s not a pricking pain that I feel that is there. Some nerve example I go of……then I just try & give a little exercise to my back. I feel I go of……I cannot express pain but there is something that keeps hurting me all the time. [H.G.] & now even when I am lying down, I feel the pain is traveling up here. The pain which is in my back travels here.(Now she gives you many types of pain. Till now these are just local sensations. If these are present at each areas of her life then you can say that these are the vital sensations.)D: What is that funny sensation?
P: I find it how is it coming? Why is it not moving even after pain killers but I feel at least for sometime I should feel little relaxed. D: It’s not moving means?P: Why it is not going? It’s there all the time with me. It’s something like a baby I have to carry in my arms. Similarly the pain is there in my back all the time.(One more image of her pain.)D: What do you feel because of that?
P: I am upset about the whole thing. I cannot live my normal life. D: What is your reaction to it & you’re pleading?
P: My reaction to it is I feel if it is a little more, I might be bed ridden. It might be something to do wit the slip disc. You know I keep on thinking it might be a slip disc or it might be some pain where I have to take total bed rest. I cannot go to work or at the same time I keep on thinking. You know I have a lot of mix feelings about the whole thing. At times I feel if I move about well, it will keep me going. Like every time when I go to bed at night, I just tell myself let me just be physically fit in the morning so that I can start my work the next day. I don’t think beyond one day that is all. Like in the night when I go to bed, I go with the hope that I am ok so that I can get up next morning & go to my work. Even at night, I sleep on one side I am ok. By 2’o clock I am wide awake because of the pain I don’t get sleep. (This is a very wrong question to ask at this moment of time. Don’t ask this question till the sensation is clear.)D: So basically your movements are restricted because of this pain.
P: Much, much restricted means I am not moving much, I am fearing all the time. D: What is that fear?P: The fear is am I….something bad then this.D: What you think what will be the worst?
P: It could be a slip disc & I might land lying up in bed.D: So what will happen?P: I won’t be able to get up. D: So?P: So I won’t be able to go out of the house. I won’t be able to work. My life will be restricted, my movements will be restricted. I will be a liability to somebody. My husband himself is a heart patient. So I don’t want to be a liability to anyone. (So we know that her movements are restricted, her life is restricted because of the pain. Now question comes is, is this restriction the sensation or is it the reaction to the sensation? Here she is restricted because of the pain. So the restriction, movement is decreased - is the reaction. Liability to some one is a common human emotion.)D: What is liability?
P: Means to depend on somebody. You are not free on your own. If your limbs don’t move the way you want it to move, you are dependent on somebody & I don’t want it to happen. So that is why from time to time I go to doctors, I see, I try & find out. But the bottom line is always your weight – ‘you reduce your weight, everything will be ok’.D: Why you don’t want to be dependent on others?
P: You are going to be in bed, you are not movable. You have to depend on somebody & whom you have to depend on is your own person who is close by & to me it is my husband. Now I know that he is also of a person not at very good at. Then why should I be a liability for him. So that fear is always there.(Liability and dependency are the human emotions. Our aim is to find out what is the non-human emotion behind all these common human emotions.)D: Free of pain means what?
P: Right now I am suffering from a back pain which is restricting my movements. I am a very hyper person, very active person. Now after some time even when I am walking, I feel I am dragging my feet because I am unable to walk. I am literally telling myself – ‘come on, I have to walk’. You get my point, is it? One has to live a normal life from morning to evening. I am not able to live that normal life because I have basically become very passive. I am unable to go on & on with my life day in & day out because I am feeling very uncomfortable within me. I really don’t know whether that is a fear. If fear, I am unable to express it to you also. My health is my fear because today health is everything. Today I stand on my feet so I can take care of my job, husband & home.(Again reaction is to this is, she has become passive. Patient says, ‘there is a very uncomfortable feeling or fear within me.’ This uncomfortable feeling and fear within her will take us to her vital sensation.)D: What is comfortable?
P: Comfortable means a day’s work is well done.D: What is exactly opposite of this ‘active, free of pain & comfortable’?
P: That is my picture- picture of depression from time to time. Of course that is much less now. First I was going through a lot of depression & with the depression I used to get a lot of boil like things on my feet all over. All that has gone now because time is the best healer for everything. And to me time has healed quite a bit of my personal problems, my family problems. So I would put that aside & right now my priority is this pain of mine. To me right now there is nothing except the pain, very peculiar type of feeling which I am unable to express. (Deeper feeling is very peculiar which she is not able to express.)D: What is this peculiar?
P: I am unable to express. I can only tell you one thing that I am suffering from a simple back ache & that back ache is really making my life miserable.D: What is miserable?P: Means I am not my normal self.D: What you feel that?P: Very uncomfortable, unhappy, and depressed.D: What is the deeper feeling in all this?
P: I am not myself.D: What is that feeling of being not my self?
P: I would like to be a normal healthy person but I am unable to do. I have a set back. If I have to go anywhere, I have to first think how do I have to travel? Will I have to travel by bus or take a car, rickshaw? So every time any moment in my life, I have to think – ‘will I be able to go? If I have to go for a longer period, will I be able to sit for that period of time? Will I get a bed to rest?’ All these little things have slowed down my activities & if my activities are curbed, I do not feel to be my self.(Till now it appears that restriction of movements, all activities getting curbed and the passive movement must be her main sensation. In any case our aim is to find out whether what patient is speaking is the sensation or the reaction? In this case there is some uncomfortable feeling, peculiar feeling, fearful feeling because of which her activities and movements are restricted, and activities are curbed.)D: What is the feeling in that passiveness, no movement, no activity?
P: I keep thinking to myself that I am no good. I can’t do things which I should have done.D: What is the feeling of no good?
P: Uncomfortable.D: What do you feel when you are passive, when you are not doing any movement, not doing any activity?
P: Miserable.D: Describe the picture of miserable?P: Means sad. You start thinking about all the wrong things happening to you. Sometimes you even think of beyond life. (These are just the thoughts.)D: What is beyond life? What one feels in that?
P: (She started crying) I cannot express more than this. D: What is the feeling in that beyond life?
P: Being a liability to somebody, unable to do your own things - that sort of feeling.(This is common human feeling.)D: You spoke a lot of things. So what is the feeling behind all things?
P: Feeling is am emotional thing coming out of your body, right. The feeling is feeling of pain, dejection, an emotional set back. These are the type of feelings one has but I have these feelings in me. I have a feeling of pain all the time. I have a feeling of dejection. I feel very emotional about things but basically I am a very happy person. I have no problems. It’s only the health is becoming a drawback or setback in my life. Though this is there for quite some time but now with the aging process, I am feeling little out of place & little uncomfortable.(The dejection is her feeling.)D: Tell about ‘out of place’.
P: I feel insecure.D: Tell about it.P: I am 56 now. I am due my retirement in a year or two. I feel that if once I reach a stage where I am unable to do what a normal human being can do, so my thoughts go beyond just today; my thoughts go beyond tomorrow - that feeling of insecure. If my health does not permit me to do the normal things what is expected out of a human life, so that is my fear. D: So what will be the feeling of a normal person who is not able to do his normal activity which is usually expected?
P: One will feel sad.D: What is the deeper feeling of this person?
P: Feeling very bitter & sad. D: What is bitter?P: Bitter is something with which one is not happy with.(Bitter feeling is her emotion.)D: What is the feeling in that? Why you are not happy?
P: Because of my pain, because I am uncomfortable. I am very uncomfortable within me. I am feeling very insecure. I feel very upset. I feel very emotional. That is my feeling within me. Beyond that there is nothing. That is my only feeling but what can be more than this? Because of my health I am going through all this trauma. This is my trauma. D: You said that because of your health there is pain, dejection, emotional setback & insecurity.
P: Right.D: Tell about this dejection.P: Dejection is I feel unwanted, I feel uncomfortable. I feel that may be if I continue with this type of life, one day I will be liability to somebody. People cannot want me because today in front of your own eyes if you see people suffering & you see how the family suffers & you are one part of the family suffering with your senior member suffering in the family & you also feel that how long this is going to be there. So I take it within me, may be one day I am going to be in that person’s place. I give you my own mother’s example. My mother is suffering. Now we are also suffering with her. So they also say how long this will go on? So some day it may be my turn. My illness is going to be my turn one day & people are going to feel the same thing about me. That is the feeling I have in me. D: What people will feel?P: That she is liability.D: So what will be feeling in that?
P: Uncomfortable – if somebody says you are a liability. (The sensation behind the dejection and the bitter feeling is being uncomfortable, which she is not able to describe to us.)D: Why you feel uncomfortable?
P: Because I am a liability. I am burden on some one. So I don’t want to be 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 whatever I have told you. So I want to get to the root cause of why I am getting this back pain. That is my main problem. If somebody has to give me a guarantee that this back pain will be with you for life & you can live a normal life, I am ready to accept that life. D: You were telling me about dejection & unwanted. Tell about that.
P: I have already told you.(When patient is describing the sensation in the common words like uncomfortable feeling, peculiar feeling and case is not moving further then go the other subconscious areas. In this case patient had an emotional setback. So go in that area and find out what is the feeling and the sensation associated with it.)D: Tell me about the emotional setback.
P: Means if there is something happened in your family, emotionally you are upset. So that upsets your entire circuit because you are hurt within you. Then you are not a normal human being. Everything goes wrong with you. You are not able to speak. You are not able to live a normal life in your friend circle because you are upset for something that has happened wrong. So it makes me emotionally upset & automatically that is a setback in your life. You are unable to speak out.D: You are unable to…P: Speak out. Something is troubling you. There is a problem, that problem is within you & you cannot go & tell it to everybody that this is my problem. Somewhere it is going to affect your day today life. So once it affects your day today life, you are not your normal self. If I am in a habit of wishing everybody good morning, a very happy morning & then all of a sudden I just give a normal smile, people cannot understand what is wrong with me. It’s like that. So once you have problem, you are unable to be your normal self, you are basically emotionally upset. You cannot express yourself. So that thing is troubling me that you are unable to come out. That fear is there within me. (There is an emotional upset and you are not able to speak about it, not able to express, it remains within you.)D: What’s that fear that you are unable to come out?
P: That fear is people will come to know ok she has this problem & then people start gossiping about you. So to avoid people gossiping, you want to keep it to yourself. So your problem you want to keep it to yourself & the fear is about people will know about it. So it’s a very vicious circle, if look at it. One problem – now today it’s my health problem, it is an emotional problem, it affects your day today routine.(This tells us that the miasm could be sycotic or very close to sycosis.)D: What is that fear?
P: Fear is people will know your problems. People will know she is not her normal self. D: What will happen if people know - what is your problem?
P: You feel dejected.(Again the feeling of dejection comes. But the dejection is very common human feeling.)D: Why you feel dejected?
P: I don’t know why but it makes you feel bit awkward. It makes you feel sad. D: What is that feeling?P: Sad feeling.D: Why don’t you want people to know your problem?
P: You asked me - what is emotional setback? So I just expressed what it is to be. I had these things. Then the feeling which comes over & over again, I have to understand. There is no depth in the feeling what I am talking about. My feeling is the pain. I had an emotional setback. That thing is settled. I feel more comfortable now & little happier than before. I was very sad. We had a very sad incidence in my family. D: What is that incidence?P: It was my own child who had got married & her marriage did not work. She came back here. That is just the trauma in my life. With that setback I went through other illnesses like itching on my legs. Then I went to the skin specialist & he gave me the medicines & he said it is related to my stress. So all that part of my life is over & I am back to square one, where my back pain is. My sister recommending you over the years & saying this is the right thing where you should go if you want to be cured for life.D: You told me it was like a trauma. Tell about it.
P: Trauma was to see your own child in your home, to see her misbehaving, to see her not living a normal life & on the other side you see that she has left behind 2 children. So the children & husband are upset. We were listening to both sides. So that was using a quite a bit of our feelings & energy & anger. (Many times patient is using a word trauma, like emotional trauma, backache like trauma. In this case trauma is just the word, because there is no energy behind it.)D: This entire incidence had some impact on you, right? What was the feeling because of this?
P: That impact shattered me. I could not even talk. The moment I used to open my mouth, I used to cry. So health wise it has shattered us completely – emotionally, physically & mentally. We could not open our mouth & speak & used to only cry. We were bitter with life. So these were the feelings we got but as time passed by, it is now one & a half years, everything has settled down. I believe that time is the best healer. But my main problem is my back pain.(Shattered feeling is the non-human emotion.)D: What was the shattered feeling? What was the feeling in that?
P: Feeling dejected, cheated with life because somebody has cheated you & you in return feel cheated with life. We were living a normal healthy life & all of a sudden an incident comes in your life in such a way that it just shatters your life. So we were feeling very upset about the whole thing, a bit nervous & all the time the fear is there because my husband is a heart patient. He has undergone open heart surgery now. So he cannot take more stress. So you have to play a double game making feel that ok this is your way of life, you have to accept it but the heart did not accept it. So on his face, one has to show the feeling that everything is ok but that feeling has to come out somewhere. So it has to come out some other way. So it is a very mixed feeling – one has to show something & do something else. It was just that vicious thing went on & on & till now the things have settled down.(Next question in my mind during the case taking was, is this shattered feeling is actually her inner most feeling or the vital sensation?)D: So during that time what physical sensation you had?
P: Shiver ness. Not normal. No proper sleep, all the time you are just thinking of something will happen, something wrong is going to happen, all that feeling, that fear. D: You said here the ‘fear’ & somewhere else also you said the ‘fear’. So what that fear is like? I want whatever you think what fear is, not your own fear.
P: Fear means bad thoughts. I used to get very, very bad thoughts. Example: if I put a little bit pressure on her to go back, she might want to run away, she might commit suicide. All the negative vibes I used to get in my body. Negative vibes that something is going to go wrong or whatever will happen, will only be wrong; nothing is going to be right. That was the fear & within me, my body used to tremor. I used to have loose motions also. Anything I used to think too much, all of a sudden I used to start sweating. These are all the reactions to too much of thinking & that feeling used to lead me to all these things.(Shivering, loose motion, sweating are the reactions to the sensation, which is still not clear.)D: Which feeling used to lead you to all these things?
P: Fear – I used to think something wrong will happen. It’s not going work. All of a sudden in the night, I used to get up & fear that the door might be kept open & she (her daughter) must have gone out - that sort of fear. (These are the just thoughts in her mind. The vital sensation is beyond mind and body phenomenon.)D: All this was happening because of some sensation. What is that sensation?
P: Fear. I used to think - it’s happening, it’s happening. What will happen to her, to him? I was like a middle person who has to keep this side also & that side also & plus answer people that why did it happen? Why did you not take care? Once it becomes an open picture, everybody starts talking, saying. (Patient is not able to describe the sensation here. Patient is coming to the fear and not able to move further. In such cases I ask patient that, “In which situation one experiences such feeling of fear at it worst, tell me few related to you or not related to you i.e. imaginary”. Aim of this question is to bring those situations to the surface so that patient can experience the exact sensation. When patient is describing those situations, he is actually making the connection with the sensation.)D: In which situation one experiences such feeling of fear, tell me few related to you or not related to you i.e. imaginary”?
P: I used to imagine more fear than the actual fear.D: What is that imaginary situation where feeling of fear is the worst?
P: In any tragedy, smallest of tragedy. Basically I am a very emotional person.D: Give me example of the worst fear?
P: It can start with just seeing an emotional scene on the picture. Example: yesterday I saw ‘The legend of Bhagat Singh’ & there they show these dead bodies which were burnt & dumped. So it depends. I am an emotional person & I can reach my peak very fast.D: What is your peak?P: Anything. The smallest of thing can reach me to my peak. I can get carried away because of the smallest thing. I am very touchy person. I get hurt very fast but I can calm down also very fast. The smallest of things happened in my life & I get carried away, I get hurt, I feel for that thing.D: Give me more examples where this feeling of fear will be worst?
P: Peak is the family death. You can’t be more than that. That is the only tragedy which makes the person goes to the peak but not always. Recently I lost my M-I-L but I did not feel that upset because I know she has led her life. (The death of near and dear one produces the ‘feeling of fear’ in this patient.)D: What is that highest feeling?
P: Feeling very miserable inside. Feeling that you have lost something who is very dear to you in your life. You feel miserable. What will my life be now? What am I going to do next? How am I going to be accepted by my children? - that feeling. That is what you reach to.D: Tell more about that feeling of being ‘that upset’.
P: Very miserable from inside, being cheated in life. I have not been given a fair chance by god. Why things have to happen to me only? That is the feeling when things go wrong. Do I have to take still something more than what I have suffered already? That is the question you ask yourself.D: Tell more about cheated feeling – in general, not related to you.
P: Some good people who do good deeds & then things go wrong in their life; you feel they have been cheated by god. They don’t deserve this. When things go too much wrong, one person has to suffer & suffer & only suffer, and then you feel you are being cheated by god. Suffering has its limit & when you go beyond that suffering, and then you feel cheated.D: What is that feeling?P: Feeling of tears. Emotions come in many ways. Some people when they are upset, they want to talk. Some people want to drink, smoke & who have neither of this, you have to do something. You just cannot bottle things all the times inside. You have to let out things. So I let out with crying, sometimes by just ignoring things & sometimes with the silence. So that’s my feeling.D: Bottled up.P: Means to keep it to yourself, you don’t want to bring it out. This has happened to me & I just keep to my self. I am going to be quite, silence, suffering from within your self & unable to bring it out. Plus he is not a normal human being that is another tragedy. (Patient is talking about the silent grief.)He is not a normal human being & he is not in position to take care of me. I should be taking care of him. I want to be in good health so that I can take care of him.(What is the sensation behind cheated, bitter, dejected, shattered feeling? what is the sensation behind the emotional upset? What is the sensation in the situation where there is death of near and dear ones? What is the sensation behind all the common emotion? What is the sensation behind the non-human emotion? These are the questions, which are still not answered.)D: This thought, the worst fear plus you were feeling that husband is also not fit, that time what sensation comes to your body? It’s like a…?
P: It’s like giving a ……you get a horrible feeling.D: What is that horrible feeling?P: Stomach starts crowling means it’s churning inside. Your stomach starts making noise. There is some fight going on inside your body [H.G.] - that sort of feeling. It’s just a misery. You have a low profile & you don’t want to do anything. You are just like mentally. Physically you are alive but you just feel I am gone & nothing worst can happen than this. Something is just tearing you apart [H.G.] & you are just fighting with life that you want to do this & you want to do that & what will happen. It’s like how you get these hot flushes. How your computer shows the designs. Scary feeling, upset feeling, you want to bash yourself of…it’s all a miserable feeling. Everything wrong is happening. [Patient is doing the hand gestures of torn apart](This is the first time patient is describing the bodily experience of everything, which is not related to any mind and the body phenomena. Suddenly patient started using the gestures to describe the sensation happening inside the body. Patient is completely dissociating herself from the whole phenomena and describing completely at the non-human level. Initially patient is using many words but as patient is describing more and more, the whole phenomenon is becoming clear and clear. Patient is giving us the sensation behind the uncomfortable feeling, peculiar feeling, miserable feeling, and feeling of fear.)D: You feel inside your stomach as if some fight is going on & some…
P: Ya & something is tearing me apart & mind is upset &… [H.G.](Such half finish sentence in the questioning is very important. Patient will pick up what is the most important for her. The vital sensation inside the body is as if something is tearing you apart.) D: Little more – something is fighting inside means what?
P: It’s tearing me apart. Mentally it has torn me apart [H.G.]. I have no thoughts left in my mind. I have nothing left to say. I feel blank. I feel I am blank, I am useless. All that negativity which has to be there, it’s all coming out.D: You feel torn apart.P: Yes, yes everything is gone. I am finished.(We have still not understood the fight inside the stomach.)D: What is the feeling of being something is fighting inside & torn apart?
P: As if everything is over. There are lot of wrong things happening, lot of bitterness, anger, which is fighting inside me & telling ‘No this is the end, this is your final day, whatever you have done is done, now it’s all back to square one, where you were. Nothing is going to happen good to you.’D: Then what you feel as if…?P: It is the end. D: In the stomach what do you feel as if…?
P: As if it’s just that tussle, fight, battle & I have lost that battle & I give up. My emotions, my feelings, everything is getting torn apart [H.G. of the torn apart by taking both hands away from each other]. Whatever I have within me is all getting torn apart & I am left with nothing [H.G]. I am just standing & nothing left in my life to say or to offer. I feel that’s my end. That is the peak I can reach to. The maximum feeling I get – the maximum is death.D: In this feeling, your action is – you said you want to torn apart your hair, you want to…
P: Tear of everything – emotions, feelings, everything within me I want to finish it of. Everything is already torn apart & that’s the end.(Feels mentally/physically torn apart. All her emotions getting are torn apart. This is the vital sensation. At the sensation level we get the pure sensitivity and the energy patter associated with it. So the case must be of plant kingdom. Plant family, which has the torn apart sensation, shattered, dejected, bitter, cheated feeling and reaction of completely passive.)D: Where else in your life you have felt torn apart?
P: That was my child’s tragedy. That was one phase in my life. But that phase of my life is not that much as my healthy. That came with a bang like an atom bomb which can really blow apart our life & then everything settled down. It settled down so beautifully that I feel that everything is over.(This is very wrong question to ask till the vital sensation is not clear. Once you are sure that the vital sensation in the case is clear, you can ask this question. But answer should be thoroughly checked. See that the sensation in those areas should be same with same energy pattern.)(The bomb blast feeling should come to the torn apart feeling.)D: It was like a bomb.P: Bomb blast. It blasted our life & made so many of us to suffer. I was not the only sufferer. In my health I am suffering alone & my fear is if I will keep on suffering, I will make others suffer. That the fear which is tearing me apart. D: What is your reaction to this torn apart & tearing apart?
P: I just express my reaction. I reach my peak then I start getting all these bad vibes in my body.D: What you feel like doing when this sensation comes?
P: I feel like doing a lot of things but then I know that they are the wrong things. If I feel like doing lot of things, which are wrong, it is bad. Whatever you feel like doing is always not a good thing. They are bad things. Example: you don’t feel like singing when you are crying. Obviously you are crying because you are upset. So whatever you are feeling is going to be everything on the negative side. Nothing in life is going to be positive. So all the negative vibes come & it reaches the peak where it’s like an internal trauma. It’s like an internal backache or internal bomb blast.(Patient is connecting the backache to the internal bomb-blast.)D: You had any skin disease in the past?
P: Yes. It is allergy on the leg. Whenever I used to start talking about the problem automatically I used to feel itchy sensation in my leg.D: Any fungal infection in the past?P: Yes once I had on the 2 side which was very severe infection but that was cured but this thing which I am getting on my leg is connected to stress – the doctor says. Whenever anybody starts discussing about the problem of my daughter, I used to feel that sensation & I used to apply cream.(Everything in the case is clear except the chief complaint. The sensation in the chief complaint is not matching with the vital sensation. So I went to the chief complaint again.)D: What you feel inside the back? It is as if?
P: Throbbing pain – constant throbbing pain. Its stretch, something is trying to tear apart in my lower back.D: Describe the same thing again. ‘You feel as if something is…’
P: Stretch me apart, trying to pull out something. As if something is being stretched apart. I might tear a muscle or hurt another part of my spine or my back. (This came with the same hand gesture of the torn apart) When I am exercising I do my exercise & I get that shooting pain to such an extent that I have to stop the exercise.UNDERSTANDING OF THE CASECommon Emotions:
• Liability to someone
• Insecure
• Dejection
• Sadness
• Bitterness
• Not happy from within
• Cheated
• DisappointedVital Sensation: • Shattered
• Torn apart
• Tearing apart
• Like a bomb blast which tears away everything.Reactions: • Passive reaction:
• - Passive
• - No movement [restricted movement] • Active reaction: • - Bash up
• - Diarrhea
• - Tearing the hair
• -
Rubrics/Characteristics:
• Silent grief
• A/F death of near and dear one’s
• A/F disappointments
• A/F shock
• Shattered
• Torn apart
• Anticipatory diarrhoea Coping-up (Miasm): • Sycotic as well as Psoric aspect.
• Ringworm infection.
• Trying to come out of the complaint.Ringworm MiasmThemes of the case:
• Trying to come out of Shattered and Torn apart sensation.
• Sometimes avoiding the situation that produces shattered and torn sensation and sometimes reacting to shattered and torn apart sensation.Kingdom: Plant: (Pure Sensitivity with exact Energy pattern)Deepest sensation is being experienced in emotional areas.Family: LoganaceaeRemedy:Upas 1M/one doseFOLLOW UPS: FIRST FOLLOW UP:P: When I was lying, I got a catch in my back & I felt that a wave is traveling to my chest. My vaginal irritation is also there. P: But over all I am very happy. I am able to control all the pain killers.(Chief complaint and the associated complaint is same but over all I am feeling better.)P: Though I am in pain but mental satisfaction is there.D: After that powder any change did you find?
P: I was taking my regular medicines also (Sac Lac). The swelling of the knee was so much. I thought it may be a fracture but when I spoke to you, you told me not to do anything. It will heal naturally. So the tension was so much due to the knee that everything was aside. Last night I took that SOS powder & I slept well. You said that you might get loose motions. I was getting good motions but since last 2 days, I am again feeling constipated.Follow Up after 3 months:P: I am ok, much better except pains are there. I had a very nice holiday. I went to my grand children.D: In what way you are better?
P: Mentally & emotionally I am feeling quite contented but because of the exertion, I used to feel the back pain. No painkillers, no applications. Only your medicine & just one powder of SOS I required in between.D: Movements?P: Movement is good. There was pain of course but I used to walk with the pain. Now also I am trying to get some time & O do walk. The pain is not still gone, not since less either but I can bear it.D: Some dreams?P: No.D: Energy wise how are you?P: Energy wise I am touch wood feeling tired but sometimes I have lot of sitting clerical work, that time I feel difficult to get up.D: How do you feel stress now & before?
P: Ok now I am feeling happier, accepting things.(So stress wise ok, energy wise ok but is chief complaint there.)P: And nothing else except the joint pains which come here & there but they come & go. It is not part of my life. Itching is also much less. It is just at times now, not daily also. Earlier itching & irritation I had is not there at all. When I was in Indore, there was nothing …dry. It’s only when I returned, it started…….
No dreams, nothing. I am at peace with my self.D: Enjoying with your work?P: …………..Follow Up after 6-8 months:D: Are you taking pain killers?P: No pain killers, nothing. I am …on those (yours) 6-7 tablets. I am regular walker.D: Extra exertion?P: I am not doing much exertion. Right now I am very passive.(She says here that back ache is 60 % better.)P: My daughter’s problem is at peak. But now I feel after a peak, it has to fall so that also the family also trying to help us out & I have put in my papers also & my resignation has been accepted. So I am accepting everything which is coming. So I am comfortable.(She is saying that her daughter’s problem is at peak now but I am accepting it, it’s not bothering me & this is the main thing because her whole case has revolved around her daughter.)P: Earlier I was feeling very tensed but now I know I have to accept things in life & I am at peace with myself. So this is also one of the reasons why I am feeling better. Of course pains & aches are there but it’s going to be there for certain time in life.D: What about that severe back ache?P: That is there doctor but not severe. Now it’s passive. Though the aches & pains are there, I can get a good sleep at night. Sometimes I feel restless also but at the end of the day, I can carry on. I can tolerate my pains, aches myself.(This is very important.)P: Only this irritation though I started putting little cream or little bit of powder cream ,some oil because after that I wash my self, then I apply something, some lubrication where I feel little comfortable because you told me not to apply anything else. I don’t apply any ointment. It’s just a cream or powder or oil.D: Any dream?P: No.D: Emotionally how are you?P: I am ok. I have told you that I am accepting what is happening in my life because at times I just ….then I crib my self. It’s not worth because I have assessed my self, assessed my job, assessed my life & I have done everything nice for kids. I have to take care of my health. I am assessing my self & I am finding my self very comfortable today. I am accepting my self what I am.[This is very important – you accept what you are & what you have. She was the vice principal some where & she didn’t want to leave the school but now she has resigned – ok – I want to leave it happily & I want to plan it further & enjoy my life with whatever I have. Though daughter’s problem is at peak it’s not bothering me.]P: I used to be very hyper, active, fighting for smallest things, worrying about the smallest things, trying to get more efficient about it. I have come to a state where I am accepting what is coming to me & I have regrets. That makes me feel comfortable. I have become more passive. I used to react. I used to be hypersensitive about things. Now if somebody says something, I say ok fine.(You see the way she is speaking - the more calmness is coming in her speech. The more you go towards cure; your speech becomes calmer. I know my self better. I know what I want. I know what to expect for my self. I am peaceful. I am close to myself & I want to go……& come to a stage……& start planning & waiting for & again go to my grand children, live there for sometime. So that way I am feeling ok.)D: Any bad dreams?
P: No bad dreams, no bad thoughts.D: Energy wise?
P: Very fine. I am energetic the whole day. During my work, I am settling things, settling everything so that the next person to take over. So I am really comfortable, happy, at peace – nothing to crib about, nothing to get angry. I am just taking it as a lesson. I don’t want to regret on anything. I want to be happy. The bitter feelings which I had are all gone away. What I am dreaming is an institution which I love. Hence I cannot think anything bitter about them. If I think anything bitter, I am speaking against my love which I don’t want to. So I keep telling myself. I have come to a stage – just accepting the things. I am at peace with myself.D: What about the sensation of churning & torn apart?
P: All that is over.D: What about the torn apart feeling?P: I don’t feel torn apart. My attitude is totally changed. I keep telling myself that this is my end. I ……the ladder, the stage of growing up period & gradually I have come down & I am not at the base & at the base I have to move out. I am keeping my whole graph as a very simple graph & I keep telling myself of this period of time & now I am at very much peace with myself.D: Emotionally you were feeling torn, mentally, physically torn apart?
P: All that has settled within my self.(It can’t go (the sensation). It’s all that settled within herself. That’s the point where you can say she is really going towards cure & after this time, I never took her detailed follow up. She used to come. She still comes sometimes for her aches & pains when sometimes she does the exertion but whenever you ask her – she says ‘I am ok doctor. Don’t ask me. I am fine. Whenever the emotional disturbances will come, I will tell you.’ Right now she is enjoying her life in Indore. She says ‘now 40 years of my job – now I want to enjoy’. The dresses she wears now are the frocks with frills with sport shoes. She says ‘I want to enjoy my childhood. I am a child now’. When she comes to the clinic, she hugs everybody. She talks with my compounder also.) (In her last follow-up she came wearing dress which generally children wear.) Quote“The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you but it lies in what he cannot reveal to you.
Hence try to understand him by listening to not what he says but rather what he does not say.”DR. DINESH CHAUAHNSwasthya Clinic, 106, Dinar Building, 1st floor, 20- station road, Santacruz (West), Mumbai- 54, Tues, Thus-10a.m.to1p.m. & 3 to 8 p.m., Sat- 3 to 8 p.m.
Email: drchauhan@vsnl.net
swasthyaclinic@vsnl.net
Website: www.homeohome.com