Jan Scholten

15.1 Thulium metallicum

Thulium is dark like the dark North. They have lost (Stage 15) the light (Gold series). They radiate this as a kind of seriousness and heaviness, which the most extreme of the Lanthanides. It is as if nothing is light anymore. They think that they are a bad and evil person, which is more marked in this than any other remedy.
Typical of Thulium is the frightening dream of falling endlessly in the dark. This dream expresses the state of Thulium quite completely with the feeling of fright, not being able to do anything, not being able to see, not having any contact, only having consciousness.

Loss of self-control
Loss of autonomy
Loss of self: bad, evil
Loss of self: annihilation
Loss of self: black hole
Loss of light: dark
Giving up autonomy for gaining self
Fear of going to hell for just being the person he is
Freedom can only be gained by giving up yourself
Giving up autonomy for salvation: religious sect
Lost in inner world
Lost in your self
Give up your self: annihilation
Give up autonomy: religious sect

Loss of autonomy
They fear losing their autonomy. Although they have the feeling of being autonomous, it’s far from easy going. They have the problem that they don’t know anymore what it means, what it’s worth. They have to give up their autonomy, but they know that it's the worst thing one can do. They have everything under control except for one weak spot (like an Achilles heel). It is as if they have to get rid of themselves, of their personality.

Loss of self: bad, evil dark
The loss of autonomy can be felt like having given up their free will. Free will is strongly connected with the feeling of Self, being an independent freely acting person. So they feel they have lost themselves, their Self. This leads to their idea that they are evil and dark, that something is really wrong with them.
They have a fear of the dark, which is strongly connected to bad and evil. They can have fears, visions and dreams about hell and devils, witches and ghosts. They fear dark rooms and caves.
Their 'dark side' can also be expressed by living out all their sexual fantasies. For instance they can visit “dark rooms”, where they have sex with people they cannot see or know. Homosexuals can have a history of being seen as evil persons, because of their homosexuality. When they are imprinted with this bad, dirty feeling, they can express this feeling through malicious behavior.
They can take the role of the scapegoat. In families and social groups where something evil has been hidden, it will come back and they as the strong one often take the burden of it themselves.

Loss of self-control
They have the feeling of losing self-control. They experience their thoughts and emotions as coming and going without really having control over them. They can even start doubting whether the emotions and thoughts that pass by are really theirs.
This can expose the beast in them and bring it into the open. They cannot blame others for it. They have to accept the ugly evil side in their subconsciousness or better their consciousness. This gives them the feeling of going through hell. What is it worth to be someone, when that someone is also bad?
They can have a lot of hatred, which can be stored away. They hate the people that walked over them and didn't respect their autonomy. It’s all the greater because they had the feeling that they couldn't resist being walked over, they couldn't do anything about it or stop it. Because of their incapacity, they can also hate themselves, seeing themselves as miserable nothings. They feel offended, hurt and mortified by the violation of their autonomy. They can also express their hatred in very offensive ways, not respecting the autonomy of anyone, anymore. They can express it in scolding, fighting, humiliating, blasphemy.
This can lead to evil behavior and violence. As they are evil persons anyway, why then hide their inner turmoil? If they are evil, then others may as well know that. This can lead to acting out all their dark sides. They can become nasty and critical, putting other people down. Or they can overindulge in overeating, sex or drugs. But they know inside that it won’t help them, that there’s no solution to the dilemma of also having dark sides of the personality.

Loss of self: annihilation
They fear annihilation. It’s a fear of being absorbed into a black hole, into nothingness. They fear that their soul will die, not so much their body. The fear can also be expressed as a fear of hell and having to suffer eternally. So it can also be a fear about salvation. The opposite is that they can become self-destructive. If they are lost anyhow, who cares? They can go the ultimate extremes of danger, alcohol, drugs and sex. They can also be very violent, especially when criticized or limited. They don’t care anymore. If they’ve lost themselves and their salvation, there’s nothing anymore that can restrict them. They don’t know who they are anymore.

Loss of self: black hole
They have a fear of the dark, a black hole. They fear being sucked into it and not being able to come out any more. A typical dream is falling in the dark, endlessly, without having any control or idea about their surroundings and where they are. The only thing they know is that they're falling. It’s a real nightmare. The dream can also be that they are in dark water and don’t know how to get out and that they will drown.
It is similar to the theme of the movie “Groundhog day”, where the main figure is trapped into this earthy life forever and has to repeat the same day over and over, every new day; he cannot escape it, not even by suicide. They feel lost and their self is lost.

Give up autonomy: religious sect
They can go into religious sects or monasteries, where they have to give up their autonomy. This can be forced upon them. Or they choose to do so in order to give up their personality and thus reach salvation. They can have the feeling that autonomy has no worth when they are groping in the dark.

The only solution is acceptance of their dark and bad sides. The solution is the realization that in all their fears, they themselves are still there, that their consciousness is the stable factor. The descent into hell is not just negative, but can also lead to overcoming all negative aspects of the personality. It’s like an incorporation of the 'shadow' (Jung). It can be like the descent into hell of Christ or Heracles. The opposite of the descent to hell is the road to enlightenment.

In Thulium the theme of autonomy is an extreme clash. On the one hand they'll fight for their autonomy with all means at their disposal. On the other hand they can give up their freedom for a higher purpose. It's as if they give themselves away. They resign themselves.

They are in complete fear of the dark. They feel bad and dark. They can dream of falling into a dark black hole. It’s like Gandalf in “Lord of the Rings” when he falls into the dark deeps of the earth and is swallowed by the monster. He is sucked into the black hole and keeps on falling into nothingness. He feels taken over by the shadow, so he feels utterly dark and bad. The only light is his consciousness.

Thulium feels he's losing his power. Even when he has power, it's useless in the situation he's in.

Unlimited, immoderate, inordinate, excessive, intemperate, ultimate.
Nihilist, bad, evil, dark, hell, devil, gloom, hatred, fall.
Wildness, rape, pillage, dark room.
Speleology, caves, darkness, underground.
Fear: salvation, losing freedom, letting go the ego.
Dream: falling endlessly in the dark.
Fear: hell, devils, witches, ghosts, dark, caves.
Talent: diving into the deepest depth and darkness of the soul, the earth and finding the truth.
Delusion: I am alone against the rest of the world (Home Alone)
Delusion: I’m not allowed to be who I am, I am dirty and bad.
Delusion: born into original sin, I can never be good.
Delusion: when I’m not happy, I’m not good; that makes me unhappy, thus no good.
Delusion: even when I’m evil, I’m someone; it's the last possibility of maintaining the ego.
Profession: computer hacker, speleologist.

AIDS, loss of immune system, <<< vaccination.
Auto-immune diseases.
Migraine, headache.
Eye diseases, refraction problems.
Lungs: granulomas, pneumoconiosis, bronchitis, pneumonia, tuberculosis.
Chest pressure, heavy, tight, tension.
Liver problems: necrosis, fatty degeneration; spleen problems.
Colitis, diarrhea.
Kidney problems.
Male: testis, epididymis, seminal vesicles, infertility.
Female: ovaries, uterus, infertility, miscarriage.
Blood: platelets, coagulation problems.
Melanoma, vitiligo: dark and light are confused.

Myth: Heracles labor 12: Heracles captures the hell-hound Cerberus by putting him to sleep with poppies.
Myth: Herod killing all the children but missing Jesus.
Myth: Jesus’ descent to hell.
Myth: Shiva, the destroyer.
Myth: Nazis, Sodom and Gomorrah.
Myth: Lord of the Rings.
Movie: Groundhog Day.
Movie: Sleepy Hollow.
Name: Thulium is from "Thule", a Latin name for the dark northern Europe, Scandinavia or Greenland.
Opening and closing, keys, codes, power to enter, secret codes, hacking, computer hackers.
Original sin, darkness, Protestantism.

Differential diagnosis
DD Thuja: The abbreviation is almost the same for both remedies. And both have strong feelings about religion, good and evil. Thuja finds the authority about these topics in some other person or religious institution. In Thulium there can be no one to tell them the rules or values, they can only be the authority themselves, they are completely alone in it. Thulium is heavier than Thuja, in their darkness and feeling bad.
DD Mancinella: Mancinella also has pronounced fears about devils and hell. But Mancinella fears being possessed by the devil. Thulium fears being the devil.
DD Phosphorus.
DD Anacardium.