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Intake February 2014
He comes with visual artifacts; looks dull, depressed, unkept, untidy. Like he doesn't have the energy; he's not a bodybuilder type of guy, looks rather beaten down, having given up. Part of it is because he has a clinging kind of way to ask for help.
For a couple of years I'm burdened with this visual defect, since one of my colleagues thought he was funny and beat me on the head a few times, in a friendly kind of way. That's when it started. I had it before but then it always stayed. I have better days and worse, it influences my life a lot. I don't enjoy a lot of things and live from day to day.
When was this?
About three years ago.
What exactly happened?
I was hit on the head by someone. And I thought What's happening now?, but it already happened.
The way you tell me, it doesn't sound so intense.
I did a lot of sports before and I had more blows to my head.
That day I got this blow on the head (shows the bang). And I saw these spots, and it got stronger and I have taken many remedies.
Anything else you tried?
Acupuncture, but it doesn't help.
Do you see the spots in both eyes?
Yes, worse on the right side. It's like a tiny white circle, sometimes theyre black and wandering and that makes me crazy. You can't concentrate on anything else, can't even read a book.
I withdraw from everything and when I have a bad day, I even cancel things.
What happens when you go out with your wife?
For instance we invited our son for dinner and then I go out to have a smoke, I withdraw (on the verge of weeping). I have changed, I'm not the person I used to be. I also changed towards my wife and my children. I don't engage in conversations. Everyday I have the feeling I just try to survive.
This has big consequences on your life?
For two years I've been drinking two glasses of wine a day, it's taking over everything.
In what way does it impact you?
Sometimes I just don't want to When I go out with my dog I want to hang myself in the first tree. The main reason I didn't do it yet is because I live with my wife. Otherwise I would have done it.
Did you have suicidal tendencies before?
I had a strange life. My parents were vey rough with me, it was a harsh upbringing. So I would be away from home as much as possible. When I met my wife, I was a teenager and I am still with her now.
Soon I was looking for a job and after a few years married her. For a long time I haven't seen my parents. After that I married, studied, had children, everything was fine. I did a lot of sports, and then I got a pain in the chest. I panicked, it freaked me out and went to a doctor, they gave me high doses of valium and I had to stay home, couldn't go to work.
Then I tried to find out myself what was wrong with me. For a year I was internalized in an asylum, but in the weekends I could go home.
Why did you go to there?
I had to go cold turkey with the tranquilizers, but I had panic attacks, it started with the sports, with an injury actually. I was doing kickboxing, as long as I could fight, it was okay, but with the injury I didn't have this outlet anymore and then the panic came. I was usually training a few times a week and more for myself.
What was the injury?
This jerk kicked my knee. I needed an operation after that. I collapsed and later they had to take away a part of my meniscus. I did boxing after that, so the legs are not as involved.
So you did a lot of sports and after your injuries the panic attacks started?
Yes, but the panic attacks didn't have to do with sports, they told me later so. One time I was applying for a job and in the talk I felt a pain in the chest and panicked that I was dying. Went to the hospital straight away and they told me I'm in excellent health.
In the evening I get panic attacks as well. I went to another doctor and he gave me medication. I panicked because my medication was running out and I called other doctors to get more prescriptions. I went to several doctors at the same time.
With every little thing I felt I took some medication, much more than the prescribed dose. I didn't do this consciously, I wasn't aware of it, a bit like a zombie.
Do you have any fears?
I wasn't fearful before, never had fears before. But then the spots in the eyes began, it makes you fearful, panicky, that you'll never get rid of it.
And also, that you don't want to get on like this. It's not that I really like to die, but sometimes death comes so close that I think I don't have any other choice.
While at the same time there are lots of nice things I wanna do.
No other choice?
Maybe it never gets better.
And like this it's not doable?
No, I wake up and think How will I get through this day? And in the evening I need a few wines to sleep and that's my life.
It is not liveble like this?
It's so controlling everything, that life passes by. The only thing I think about are these spots, I can't push them to the background, it's all-overpowering.
I would think if it's so overpowering that one would run from one doctor to another?
Yes, but my doctor says there's nothing you can do about it. So why would I go to another one.
Usually everybody goes on the internet?
It's not good for me, I only select the negative things. Same with the instruction leaflet. I also read the stories about other people who had spots in their vision and how they killed themselves. And when I read an instruction leaflet, the lateral effects keep going on in my head. When I read the side effects of aspirin, I thought I can't take it.
Any other fears?
No, the only thing I'm very careful about is I avoid any type of touch. When someone wants to give me a pat.
You gave me your hand?
You can do that, but you shouldn't put your arm around my shoulder or give me pat, just don't do it, I'm afraid it'll have an effect on my vision.
Also with your children and other relatives?
Your wife?
Same thing (eyes wet).
You feel this could aggravate your vision?
(It's a very strange moment in the interview.)
The whole day I cramp up, because there are so many students where I work in the library, and I'm very careful not to be in the hallway when they're there. It takes me a whole day to plan these kind of things. It actually determines everything in my life. The way I deal with people, everything. We are two people there, usually I was the one who vacuum-cleaned. But I don't do this anymore, because I think what will it cause, all these noises.
And with all these worries you went running?
Sometimes it aggravated, sometimes it improved. This conflict in my head, most of the time the positive effects of running won. Now I have to force myself to go. I feel every bump in my head. Now I run with music.
As a child I had recurrent dreams of flying, over the tops of the trees and I could see everything on the ground, but one moment I just flew somewhere in somewhere and had the feeling I have to get away from here, but I couldn't. Or I was flying and all of a sudden I fell down and just before I hit the ground I woke up.
Another dream, I was persecuted, don't know by whom, and at a certain moment I couldn't continue, there was a wall.
Your feeling?
In the dreams of flying, it was pleasant, normal. Of course the falling wasn't nice.
The patient presents with spots in his sight as his main complaint, from which he suffers very much, to the extent that he dreads everyday situations which might aggravate his health. This extreme anxiety appears as well in his avoiding being touched by others, which he fears for the same reason. Most peculiar in the case is this anxiety and will have to be explained by the remedy.
As far as the dimension is concerned, the substance must be from the 2nd dimension. The problem is clearly circumscribed and related by the patient without many decorating words, analogies, examples. With his concerns about his health, hypochondria and the dependency on therapeutic attention it seems like a Calcium case, but the fear of being touched by even his closest ones is too strong, as is the despair with his desire to end his life, for it to be a typical Calcium case.
What could be the underlying feeling, that prevents him from socializing and even drives him to go against the want of being close with his wife and kids? It must be one of exaggerated fragility.
Additionally the dreams of flying and falling play into this picture. A calcium-like substance with extreme fragility and flying leads to the prescription of egg shell.
=> Calcarea ovi testae

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