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Woman, 64, chronic and seasonal depression, anxiety.

She is a nurse with a PhD, and currently is a professor in a nursing PhD program. She is considering changing jobs again, because she needs more meaning. She dislikes the bureaucracy, authoritarian conditions, and people being bullied or disrespected. She feels that “an answer is out there somewhere if I could find it. I’m not horribly off path, but I’m not right on the path either.” She felt she never fit in nursing, until she got into hospice nursing and end-of-life issues. She always wanted to be like the ones who fit well in the job. She often feels “struggle-y.” She is always doing a lot for others. Once a coworker said, “Oh, she would cut off her arm and give it to you in the bag if you asked for it.”

Her mother was depressed and she used to think, “If I could be a really, really good kid, my mom would be happy. If she's not happy, I'm not allowed to be happy.” At around 11 years old, she was molested by a neighbor and never told anyone. He seemed big and powerful, and she was afraid to be assertive. Later when he died of prostate cancer, she felt “there is a God.” She did well and fit in at school, and later enjoyed pursuing her PhD.

She has always felt restless, with anxiety. She is always somewhat unhappy, and has periods of severe depression lasting weeks or months. Disturbed sleep. Worse in winter. Recently she feels “inner chaos,” as if the “inner furniture is being rearranged, walls are being moved.” This is unpleasant, but an opportunity to be guided to the correct path.

Very sensitive to any noise, likes quiet. Very precise and perfectionist. Likes outdoor activities (biking, jogging, x-c skiing). Meditates regularly, and likes to “watch the leaves grow,” and reads spiritual books “looking for the answer.” Likes movies and TV with intrigue and suspense, but no violence. (I noticed plot themes of people coping with betrayal.) Feels as if in a past life she tortured and murdered people. Dreams she has murdered someone, or wakes feeling she has done something horrible, killed someone. This aspect goes away after Dysprosium nitricum, but now she feels adequate, that she does not deserve to exist unless she does things perfectly.

She is happily married, has a close family, with a son and daughter in their 20’s who also have issues with depression and anxiety. Pregnancies good, except the second, which felt wrong, and resulted in a stillborn child. She had a dream during the pregnancy that predicted his death by suffocation.

Recently had ovaries removed due to cysts, though continues to have spells of some pain there. She does not like anaesthesia, because it means being under the control of others.

Desires: salt, pizza, vegetarian food.
Averse: fish, meat.
Color selection: 15B

Silver series: high achievement, liked school, advanced study, professor, sporty
Phase 4: very responsible, conscientious, strong family
Sapindales: ambitious, perfectionist, desires respect, professor, serving others
Subphase 3: wants to fit in; not quite on the right path; looking for the answer; trying to be good to make her mother happy; inner chaos
Burseraceae: spirituality, meditation, desires clarity, guilt and atonement, despair, vulnerable, refined
Stage 10: top of her career; doing things perfectly
Boswellia serrata: feels guilt; tries to help, but it is never enough; feels responsible for the dying; felt responsible for her mother’s unhappiness; cannot stand injustice; desires peace and quiet.

One month after Boswellia serrrata 1M she still has insomnia and the ovarian pain, but has much less dark depression. She dreams of “moving into a new physical space,” and has some positive feelings about her job, expressing more openness with colleagues. After 3 months she is sleeping well. The ovarian pain flared up, then reduced. She developed a disgust for meat. Job is good. After 5 months and 5 doses, she is relaxed and feeling positive in her work. The ovarian pain flared up again briefly. Over the next year she takes Boswellia when she intuitively feels she needs it. Each time, she has a few hours of extreme despair occurring around the 10th day, usually during the night. In general, however, she has only brief depressions, lasting only a few hours. She sleeps well, her psychospiritual growth continues in good ways, and well-being is strong.

Previously, Dysprosium nitricum allowed her to return to jogging 3 miles several times per week, which she had been unable to do because of pain in her knees. It altered the feeling that she had done something horrible, but had little effect on the depression and restlessness.

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